THE INFORMATION #1196 APRIL 8, 2022

THE INFORMATION #1196
APRIL 8, 2022
Copyright 2022 FRANCIS DIMENNO
dimenno@gmail.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK FIVE: THE ADVENTURES OF PENROD ANDROMALIUS
CHAPTER XIV
THE MIND BLOWERS OF P.S. 101 PART EIGHT

Penrod was so innocent looking, and so sincere, that, beginning at this point, Mrs. Gale began to believe that there might, indeed, be some truth to his fantastic story, muddled and inconsistent as it was.


“And,” resumed Penrod, “Aunt Ida is very sad about the whole thing and they told me to stay around that night and help cheer her up, only all she does is cry.” (This much, to his credit, was mostly true.) “And if you don’t believe me, you can call my folks and ask them, though I wish you wouldn’t, because nobody’s supposed to know about it. Just call them up and ask them how Aunt Ida’s doing, and then maybe THEN you’ll believe me.”


“But Penrod—assuming all this is true—why did you talk to me the way you did?”


“I’m just tired,” said Penrod. “So tired. All this is too much for me,”


This, too, had a ring of absolute verisimilitude, and Mrs. Gale, despite her better,
more skeptical instincts, began to feel sorry for the boy. She was certain that the tale about Russ Runyon’s career as an undercover operative was so implausible as to be greatly exaggerated at best, and an untrue cover story at worst, but she wasn’t by any means completely assured that the story of Aunt Ida’s marital woes was totally false.
She turned to look at him sternly. “Don’t you worry—I will be making a few calls, and
then we’ll get to the bottom of this.” But then, seeing the utterly depressed look on
Penrod’s face, and mistaking it for the indifference that results from utter emotional
exhaustion, she softened. “Penrod, why don’t you go and get your lunch, and then come back up here and lie down in the infirmary and catch up on your sleep. I’ll see to it that you’re excused from your fifth period class.” And with that, Penrod left the office, not knowing what would come of his spectacular story, but speculatively certain that any punishment that might possibly result could not be any worse than the punishment he had been scheduled to receive in the absence of such a tale.


In fact, Penrod had done such a good job of piecing together the half-understood travails of Aunt Ida that he had all but convinced himself that every word of his “explanation” was not only plausible but also very probably true. It is this that is the mark of a great fabulist: that the implausible elements of his or her tale will ring the most true owing to the careful attention to detail initially established as the groundwork of the story. Penrod knew for a fact that Aunt Ida was sad and that nobody could be bothered to tell him why. Ergo, it was because no one would dare. This explanation seemed as good a one as any. It seemed so good that, in fact, it must be true. It is a common enough logical fallacy—post hoc ergo propter hoc—but Penrod was not versed in logic, for had he so been, he would most likely have begun his story on the basis of known facts and worked forward, rather than backwards. But had he done so, he would have had to have worked from a starting point based upon his Uncle Russ’s true biography, which he did not know.


In fact, his Uncle Russ had indeed spent a minor portion of his wild youth “cutting up” with certain black-leather-jacket types, but this period, which occurred during his junior year in high school, was comparatively brief, and unknown to many of his friends, though quite well known to Mrs. Gale, who used her own logical processes to extrapolate forwards.


Of such inconsistencies are misunderstandings continually born, and then perpetuated.


Mrs. Gale was thereupon determined to make seemingly casual but extremely careful and tactful inquiries during the first available opportunity. Penrod’s punishment, should any punishment at all actually be warranted, could wait until the “truth, crushed to earth,” should “rise again.”


Penrod returned to his sixth period class and, having taken advantage of the opportunity to take an authorized nap while the rest of the young scholars wrestled with their dull cares, was surprisingly attentive and diligent during, respectively, Math, English, and Music classes, during none of which were he and Mrs. Gale compelled to share the same classroom.


The children of the school had heard of Penrod’s shocking contretemps, though they
knew not what exactly it was Penrod had been doing to attract Mrs. Gale’s attention in
the first place. Nor did Penrod feel it advisable to tell them. Even Cad, ostensibly his best friend, was put off with the vague rejoinder that “it would all come out—someday,” and Penrod could not be prevailed upon, despite coaxing, cajoling, and appeals to their long years of friendship, to divulge a single word more regarding the matter. Cad imagined, not unreasonably, that Penrod had done some mighty fancy talking to get himself out of his fix, and he wondered when the day would come when Penrod would be willing to impart the secret of his success so that he, in particular, might share in his hidden wisdom. Like any acolyte consulting a guru, he was fearful that a long investment of time might come a cropper, and he (quite sensibly) desired immediate enlightenment. Penrod, for his part, like any guru advising an acolyte, was content to counsel patience in the matter of disclosure of certain occult secrets known only to ascended masters and divulged solely to such of their disciples as were deemed most worthy.


When Penrod returned home, he discovered with a shock that his Aunt Ida was no longer there. When asked the reason, his older sister Pearl told him that Uncle Russ had come and gotten her, and that they were going away to a cottage on the lake and would likely be incommunicado for at least a week. Upon hearing this, Penrod, like a financially straightened man who has successfully talked his way out of a costly traffic ticket, exulted, in his innermost heart of hearts. The outcome was better than he could have possibly hoped. He had gotten away scot-free!

After school had let out, Mrs. Gale lost no time in hurrying to her home and dialing the telephone number of the Andromalius residence so she could determine to exactly what degree, if any, her former pupil Russ Runyon was lost in the glassy-eyed toils of abject narcotics addiction.


However, Mrs. Andromalius picked up the family phone, and forthwith answered her
subtle yet pertinent queries in a way not entirely consistent with utter candor, or so Mrs. Gale was led to believe.
“This is Penrod’s teacher, Mrs. Gale. I’m calling because I hear that dear Ida Hepburn is in town,” was how she began.
“Oh,” said Mrs. Andromalius.
“I was wondering if I might have a word with her. We haven’t spoken in years.”
“She’s not available,” said Mrs. Andromalius.
“Has she gone back home already?”
Mrs. Andromalius, knowing well what a gossip Mrs. Gale could be, elected to divulge as little information as was consistent with impeccable politeness. “She’s gone away for a little while on a trip, and I couldn’t say when she’ll be back, exactly.”
“How is Russ?”
“Oh-h, he’s fine,” said Mrs. Andromalius.
“Still coaching over at the High School?”
“Oh-h, he’s taken a sort of a leave of absence.”
“Well, then,” said Mrs. Gale, “I’ll not bother you. Say hello to Pearl for me. And
Penrod.”
“I certainly will, Mrs. Gale,” said Mrs. Andromalius. “And the next time I hear from
them, I’ll tell Russ and Ida that you rang.”
“Thank you so much. Please do! Bye now!”
Mrs. Gale softly hung up the phone and pondered the peculiar behavior of Mrs.
Andromalius. It seemed extremely bizarre that she should be so curt with one of her son’s teachers. Mrs. Gale recalled Mrs. Andromalius back when she was a rather gloomy girl with long black hair named Beverly Detweiler. “The Swiss,” thought Mrs. Gale, with high WASP hauteur, “They all act as though everything on earth needs to be kept a deep dark secret.” Faced by the wall of recalcitrant silence (as she imagined it) erected by the Andromalius clan, Mrs. Gale was thereafter confirmed in her determination to attempt to pump as much information out of the paterfamilias as she possibly could. But, having instructed incorrigible schoolchildren for the better part of thirty-five years, she had long been schooled in the ways of patience. She would bide her time.


A week later, a phone call to the Andromalius residence provided somewhat more
satisfactory results. Mrs. Gale timed the call for when she suspected the family would be seated around the dining room table finishing their dinner. As it happened, she selected the moment with perfect celerity. This time, Mr. Andromalius answered the nearby kitchen wall phone.
Mrs. Gale well remembered Penrod’s father as a troublesome and somewhat disruptive youth who immediately responded well to her stern discipline, and she was somewhat kindly disposed to him. He, however, did not recall his own misbehavior and remembered her only as a holy terror. So he was circumspect.
On picking up the phone, Mr. Andromalius asked, “Hello?”
“May I speak with Bradford Andromalius?”
“Speaking.” He immediately knew who she was. Only his mother, and Mrs. Gale, had
ever called him by his full name, and his mother had given up the practice nearly twenty years ago.
“This is Mrs. Gale.”
“Why, hello,” he said, with a faint tone of puzzlement in his voice.
“I’m calling to see how your sister Ida’s doing.”
“Why, I guess she’s fine,” said Mr. Andromalius. “She still isn’t back from her vacation yet.”
“Oh,” said Mrs. Gale. “I was wondering about that. I’d heard that Russ had taken a leave of absence from his coaching position. Nothing serious, I hope?”
“No, they just decided to take a bit of a vacation.”
Mrs. Andromalius noticed that her husband was talking on the phone and gestured to
him, in the way of wives the world round. Having caught his attention, she mouthed the words, “Who is it?” He imperfectly covered the bottom speaker of the phone hook and hoarsely whispered, “Mrs. Gale.” (This action was not lost on the keen-eared old
pedagogue.) Mrs. Andromalius put her finger to her open lips and half-whispered and
half mouthed the words, “Don’t tell her anything.”

Mr. Andromalius got the message soft and clear. “Well, Mrs. Gale, I’ll certainly let them know you’ve been asking about them.” Stuck for further information to impart, he unwisely added, “When they get back.”
This provided Mrs. Gale with the opening she had hoped for. “And when will that be?”
“I can’t say for certain,” he replied, although he knew full well they were due back on the following day. Mrs. Gale, who was a canny and long-practiced student of human nature, implacably caught the note of deceptiveness and said, “Would you please tell them I’ve been trying to reach them?”
Mr. Andromalius said, “I certainly will.”
“Shall, Bradford,” she said, correcting him. “You mean to say ‘I certainly shall.’”
“Oh, right,” he replied, with a sort of strangled chuckle.
Mrs. Gale concluded her call by saying, in a kindly fashion, “Please do tell them I’ve
been trying to get in touch with them. Bye-bye now.”
After Mr. Andromalius hung up the phone, his wife immediately asked, “What did SHE
want?”
“Oh, just asking after Ida and Russ,” said her husband, affably
“It didn’t have anything to do with Penrod, did it?” said his wife, somewhat tactlessly,
since Penrod was seated right there at the dinner table, making a gravy volcano with his mashed potatoes, which he had, as was his long time habit, saved “for last.”
“Not as far as I can tell.”
“Did she even say she was sorry for interrupting our dinner?”
“I didn’t mention it,” said Mr. Andromalius, still serene.
“Well, she’s been calling us off the hook this whole week,” said Mrs. Andromalius. Mrs. Gale had, of course, done no such thing; in fact, she had only called the Andromalius home on one previous occasion, but Mrs. Andromalius was exasperated by what she saw as the gossipy old teacher’s persistence. It is a somewhat obscure fact that adults, like children, have a tendency to signal such exasperation by volubly exaggerating the inconveniences that they are forced to endure; however, Penrod wasn’t aware of this salient fact, and began to feel uneasy. In fact, he suddenly lost his appetite, but, rather then to signal his discomfort and give the game away, or so he thought, he began to rapidly shovel his remaining mashed potatoes into his mouth so he could escape the table and go to his room to mull over putative contingency options.

“My goodness,” said Mrs. Andromalius, turning to Penrod. “Penny, don’t eat so fast! You act like someone’s going to take your food away from you!”
Penrod didn’t reply, but he slowed his frantic eating pace to approximate that of a more normal child.
“Penrod,” said his father, “What do you make of this?”
“What,” said Penrod, though a mouthful of potatoes.
“These calls that Mrs. Gale has been making.”
“I dunno,” he mumbled through the starch.
“You haven’t told her anything, have you? About Aunt Ida?”
Penrod was on the spot, but fortunately, his older sister Pearl inadvertently came to his rescue. “It might have been me,” she said, dabbing her napkin daintily at her lips. “I ran
into Mrs. Gale about a week ago at the dry cleaner’s and she asked about Aunt Ida. I
didn’t want to say anything, so I basically told her that she had paid us a visit on her way to take a vacation by the lake.”
“You didn’t tell her anything else?” said Mrs. Andromalius.
“Oh, no, I’m—well, I did say that, um, Uncle Russ came by to pick her up.”
“But you didn’t mention about the, you-know…??”
“Oh, no!” said Pearl. “That’s none of her business!”
“That’s not anybody’s business,” said Mr. Andromalius, getting up from the table.
“Outside of the family,” he added, a trifle more decisively.
“That’s right,” said Mrs. Andromalius.
“That woman,” said Mr. Andromalius. “She—“
“Ut,” said Mrs. Andromalius. “Braad,” she added, with a slight upward inflection. .
“Little pitchers.”
Though Penrod didn’t know the remainder of the old saw, “…have big ears,” he did
know the significance of the phrase. It meant that the discussion was to be concluded
outside of his hearing.
“Can I go up to my room now,” said Penrod.
“What’s the rush,” said his father. “There’s ice cream for dessert.”
“Can I have it later?” said Penrod. Then added, “What flavor?”
“Chocolate. And yes,” said Mr. Andromalius. “If there’s any left.”
“Braad,” said Mrs. Andromalius, “Don’t tease him. There’s a whole half-gallon, honey,” said his mother, turning to Penrod. “I’m sure there’ll be plenty left.”

*1 SALUTATION
A-HA

TAKE ON ME (LIVE FROM MTV UNPLUGGED)

MANHATTAN SKYLINE
https://youtu.be/05kwkOo8yXw

I WISH I CARED
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_xW__y2ijk&list=PLoERbxXMyKwaEpc_IT5YCM2YADp9ItSa2&index=9

2*REFERENCE
SQUEE

tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Squee

3*HUMOR
APPLEBEE’S TWERKING COWBOYAdvertising junk food for junk people.https://youtu.be/ansn-aasYds



4*NOVELTY
THE ZINNIAS
LEECHES
https://youtu.be/npd93QDP4fE

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST

ALTERED STATES TRAILER


6* DAILY UTILITY

JESUS TATTOOS

www.tattoodo.com/articles/10-funny-silly-ridiculous-jesus-tattoos-4965ALSO SEE:THE ULTIMATE JESUS TATTOOFLANNERY O’CONNORPARKER’S BACK

https://jpcatholic.edu/NCUpdf/courses/HUMA122-ParkersBack.pdf*7 CARTOON
ROBERT CRUMB
MEATBALL
https://marswillsendnomore.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/robert-crumbs-meatball/

SINGING MEATBALLS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_LX4yZjSoA

8*PRESCRIPTION
TOUMANI & SIDIKI DIABATE
TOUMANI & SIDIKI
https://youtu.be/qPsvNN2iIrQ

ALSO SEE:
Youssou N’Dour et Super Etoile de Dakar
https://youtu.be/sSc3P-0c7GI

9* RUMOR PATROL

SMITH VS. ROCK

Maybe the whole thing was all a game of paper rock scissors that got just a little out of hand.

SEE:
CHRIS ROCK ON FREEDOM OF SPEECH 

While we’re on the topic, Jada Pinkett Smith looks like a Bond Villain. Or One-Punch Man.My question is, 

instead of slapping Chris Rock, why didn’t Will Smith use the opportunity to start blubbering and shrieking to the crowd to stop laughing because that ain’t funny?

And where are the Fresh Prince punches for Sarah Silverman?

Bill Clinton once threatened to go socko on William Safire, who criticized his wife.
www.tampabay.com/archive/1996/01/20/safire-s-blitz-on-first-lady-draws-defenders-critics/

Buddy Hackett once went nuts on a DJ:https://books.google.com/books?id=EXoxjnFwpuoC&pg=PA303&lpg=PA303&dq=%22THE+LAST+LAUGH%22+%22tOLD+YOU+NOT+TO+DO+IT%22&source=bl&ots=CyfGiRWGZa&sig=ACfU3U0JpmGqgFtLXhFLKR6P-znPys9aGA&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj4w57lqOn2AhVBYjUKHQhtC9kQ6AF6BAgCEAM#v=onepage&q=%22THE%20LAST%20LAUGH%22%20%22tOLD%20YOU%20NOT%20TO%20DO%20IT%22&f=false


The whole Oscar controversy reminds me of the Jackson-Sevier incident:
books.google.com/books?id=YXwEAAAAYAAJ&pg=PA223&lpg=PA223&dq=:how+dare+you+mention+HER+sacred+name%22+andrew+jackson&source=bl&ots=NJeaMs20cM&sig=ACfU3U00c8Hges4zqMg_MSsBIzZ6h_klEg&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjfkumSgOn2AhUfgXIEHcQfC58Q6AF6BAguEAM#v=onepage&q=%3Ahow%20dare%20you%20mention%20HER%20sacred%20name%22%20andrew%20jackson&f=false
ALSO SEE:AYANNA PRESSLEY

www.thedailybeast.com/ayanna-pressley-tweets-then-deletes-praise-for-will-smith-slapping-chris-rock-after-joke-over-jadas-alopecia

Chris Rock is a force for good in the community. Will Smith is just smug.

And…the cognoscenti weigh in:
www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-reviews/will-smith-chris-rock-slap-jada-pinkett-oscars-1235121662/
www.npr.org/2022/03/29/1089364082/chris-rock-will-smith-and-the-long-history-of-black-hair-in-america
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/mar/29/white-outrage-about-will-smiths-slap-is-rooted-in-anti-blackness-its-inequality-in-plain-sight

10*LAGNIAPPE
ABDULLAH IBRAHIM

ANCIENT AFRICAhttps://youtu.be/3yl0Y7Axa-k

BOMBELLAhttps://youtu.be/Mo1R2eRSRNE

THE CALLhttps://youtu.be/VY2AgLzs1lY

TINTINYANAhttps://youtu.be/kAEXC-inxhE

DUKE 88https://youtu.be/vvEgNiOY18k

STAR CROSSED LOVERShttps://youtu.be/1hJhq0GqPfE

Archie Shepp – Dollar Brand / Theme from “Proof of the Man”https://youtu.be/rt6HQT95OhM

LITTLE BOYhttps://youtu.be/qR2OxqozICM

REFLECTIONShttps://youtu.be/qbdv7idfV3U

WHICH WAYhttps://youtu.be/YPh6ssHkUE0

11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA

LOUIS MENAND

THE FREE WORLD

The book is jam-packed with detail about the cultural climate of the first half of the Cold War. It tends to at least partially refute the theory that the CIA was behind everything, which was posited in the Wilford’s Harvard University Press book The Mighty Wurlitzer.
www.amazon.com/Mighty-Wurlitzer-How-Played-America/dp/067403256X

You know–that is, the idea that the abstract expressionist movement must have been some kind of CIA plot to make the American avant-garde look attractive to the rest of the world (when in fact, AE more or less originated in Europe).

If you are interested in that period of the CIA, I would recommend Talbot’s The Devil’s Chessboard: Allen Dulles, the CIA, and the Rise of America’s Secret Government.
www.amazon.com/dp/0062276174/?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_w=F1J1R&pf_rd_p=9aa30bae-d685-4626-879d-c38f81e830a3&pf_rd_r=E5R5MDQMGC9QN6C569CT&pd_rd_r=079bd46e-85b3-457b-81e6-1e4c06e7715c&pd_rd_wg=1u7g1&ref_=bd_tags_dp_rec

The idiosyncrasies, I found, were among the best parts of Menand’s extremely well-written book. If you are even remotely interested in the culture of the Cold War, it is a tome worthy of your time and attention. As per my thesis, the early Cold War period is an American History specialty of mine, and I found it compelling. There was a reference in the book to LOOKING FOR THE GOOD WAR, which follows the same topic, but does not range as widely, mostly concerning itself with the period immediately after the Second World War. That, too, is well worth reading.

I gave it 4 1/2 stars. (Nothing but a stone-cold classic ever gets five.)

The book has its flaws; critics have faulted it for both its prolixity and its omissions. But many of his conclusions are stimulating, and the book provides a salutary intellectual workout.

I still haven’t tackled (though I’ve been meaning to) the somewhat less-heralded book and more weighty and inclusive tome The Modern Mind, by Peter Watson.
www.amazon.com/Modern-Mind-Intellectual-History-Century/dp/0060084383/ref=asc_df_0060084383/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312064598816&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3576861829247090382&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9002142&hvtargid=pla-488781172744&psc=1

*11A BOOKS READ AND REVIEWEDTHE ADVENTUROUS DECADE. GOULART. ***1/2

ALBERTO BRECCHIA’S DRACULA. ****

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN BEYOND. V. 1. ****

BATMAN/SUPERMAN: THE ARCHIVE OF WORLDS. ***1/2

BILLIONAIRES: THE LIVES OF THE RICH & POWERFUL. CUNNINGHAM. ****

CATWOMAN: SOULSTEALER. MAAS. ***1/2

COLD WAR CORRESPONDENT. HALE. ****1/2

DEAD MAN LOGAN. ****

DISCIPLINE. SHAW. ****1/2

GREEN ARROW/BLACK CANARY. TILL DEATH DO THEY PART. ***1/2

HELLBLAZER: RISE AND FALL. ****

THE IMMORTAL HULK: GREAT POWER. ****

IN THE SHADOW OF THE FALLEN TOWERS. BROWN. ****

IRON MAN: BOOKS OF KORVAK II. ****

JLA: THE TOWER OF BABEL. ****

A LIFE TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN. KIKUCHI. ****

LOOKING FOR THE GOOD WAR. SAMET. ****

MILES MORALES: ALL EYES ON ME. ***1/2

MISTER MIRACLE: THE GREAT ESCAPE. ***1/2

THE NINETIES. KLOSTERMAN. ****

NO ONE ELSE. JOHNSON. ****1/2

OTHER LIVES. BAGGE. ****

PERIL. WOODWARD & COSTA. ****

RESISTANCE. MCDEMID & BRIGGS. ***1/2

SAVE IT FOR LATER. POWELL. ****

STUPID THINGS I WON’T DO WHEN I GET OLDER. PETROW. ***

WHAT IT TOOK TO WIN. KAZIN. ****

12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE

CATS

Kurwenal the wonder dog died late in 1937. “I am not afraid of dying,” he barked out on his deathbed. “Dogs have souls and they are like the souls of men.”
strangeco.blogspot.com/2017/02/the-most-amazing-dog.html?_sm_au_=iVVN01nRwZ1wT0MR803WKK6HVL2M2

As far as I know, the clever dachshund gave no indication as to the souls of cats.

I don’t really hate cats. Per se. I just can’t gin up much enthusiasm for the aloof creatures. At one time I actually owned a cat. It was when I was about twelve, I believe. An old woman on the south side of Pittsburgh gave the beast (I never did determine its sex) to my mother. I spent an inordinate time excavating wax out of its ears, which, apparently, had never been cleaned. My mother, observing my gentle treatment of the cat (which I don’t think I even named) observed that I would make a good veterinarian, which is what put that notion into my head. When I told my father, on one of his weekly visits (he was always late–I would sit on the sidewalk and count the cars passing by on both sides of the street until his arrival) of this aspiration, he said, “You don’t want to be a vet, and get bitten by dogs. Be a doctor, instead.” But I had no interest in treating human beings. I was an animal boy. Practically feral myself.   

The upshot was that the projects prohibited dogs and cats, and we had to give the cat back to the old lady. At least it was in better condition than when she gave it to us. Besides, we couldn’t afford to buy cat food, which you couldn’t purchase via food stamps. I tried to feed the brute some canned spinach, but it wouldn’t go near it. 

There were, around the time of the first world war, editorials in the newspapers calling for the extermination of all cats. This is no joke. There were actually people who self-identified as cat-haters. 

There still are.

Those who hate the cat hate him with a malignity which, I think, only snakes in the animal kingdom provoke to an equal degree.–Joseph StrombergWhen I was about the age of 12, I read two books which influenced me.ORDEAL OF THE ANIMALS

Kind of animal abuse porn. Allegedly still the only book on the topic. (?!)

(Not so.) https://www.worldcat.org/search?q=su%3AAnimal+welfare.&qt=hot_subject

PETISHISM

I love the cover of the U.S. edition. The second book was far more influential on my thinking than the first, which was basically a string of atrocity stories. I have previously mentioned Jack London’s novel in which he goes into great, and sometimes nauseating detail about the abuse of circus animals. The sad details start at chapter XXIV. 

https://www.gutenberg.org/files/1730/1730-h/1730-h.htm

Because of Petishism, I have always been somewhat averse to people who mouth platitudes such as “fur baby” and “forever home”. Such soppy sentimentality–antithetical to true fellow-feeling–has a tendency to leach into other areas. Such as Shaw’s/Star Market advising people to join their ranks and start their “forever career.”

MODERN WISDOM

NUMBER 285
APRIL 2022

MODERN WISDOM

NUMBER 285
APRIL 2022

Copyright 2022 Francis DiMenno
dimenno@gmail.com
http://www.dimenno.wordpress.com  

1. AMBITION

PART FOUR: JUNIOR

So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.–Rev 3:16I think the first sign that there was something wrong with my son was when he was five years old, and talking with his little chums about something they had seen on the television. (His mother insisted that we had to own one. She said that she didn’t much care for it herself, but she didn’t want her son to feel left out. Such a sad indictment of America! That actually reading books should be the exception, rather than the rule. Was it a learned professor who said that any word with a Greek prefix and a Latin suffix boded no good to mankind?) The small boys he was playing with insisted that the television chimpanzee they all admired was a “monkey.” He insisted, in a very nasty and dogmatic fashion, I must say, that it was actually an ape. His little buddies didn’t know the difference. He then proceeded to try to explain the difference to them, and they quickly grew bored, and one of them, named Eugene (I never liked that boy) said “G’wan with yuh!” and they all abandoned him to stew in his misery 

of being right; of knowing he was right, and of not being able to explain himself. I was actually quite proud of him for sticking to his guns. But then he cried “Wait! Come back!” and, when they did, he said to them that he was being stupid and “there ain’t no (nota bene his diction), there ain’t no difference, really,” and then he suggested they all go to the ice cream parlor; his treat.

Character is Destiny, said Heraclitus, and it was then that I realized that my son isn’t much like me. He is a trimmer. That doesn’t make him bad. Just…weak. Another example: I am told that in his fifth grade classroom, his social studies teacher erroneously identified the capital of Canada as Montreal. Eddie, then about eleven years old, piped up and said that it was actually Ottawa. The teacher told him that he was wrong. Everyone in the classroom said he was wrong. Finally, Eddie himself admitted that he was wrong.But he wasn’t wrong. It turned out that he was right. A born trimmer, that one. Dante, I recall, had a special circle of Hades reserved for such people.I find that the difference between youth and age is not simply quantitative. but also qualitative. Youth always wants to know the truth, and, having got hold of that rare commodity, wishes to grasp the nettle and share it with all the earth. The main problem is that due to their lack of experience in the ways of the world, they are nearly always wrong. Adults, on the other hand, are more circumspect. If they share the truth at all, they only share it with those who have enough of a head to be able to handle it. There comes a time when a lad is old enough for his father to share with him some of the skeletons in the family closet. I would put that age at about forty–

“Quarante ans, c’est la vieillesse de la jeunesse” as Victor Hugo so memorably put it. But in some families, the son is never old enough to be made privy to such information. Some fellows turn fifty and refuse to acknowledge that they are now, officially, old. That realization doesn’t usually start to kick in until age sixty, when, in many cases, the body quite decidedly starts to fail one. Hangovers become worse. Excessive physical exertion leads to headaches. Food doesn’t taste as good. (Do you remember your first olive?) Unbroken sleep becomes a luxury. You look back on the misguided beliefs of your youth, which steered you on your life’s path, and you laugh in wonder that you ever grew old enough to accumulate gray hairs. The age of childhood rapidly advances the older you get. At six, a three-year old is a mere baby. At age sixteen, a ten year old is a mere child. At age twenty-six, an eighteen year old is a mere pup. At age forty, anyone under twenty-six is a mere child. And at age seventy, anyone under fifty is merely a whippersnapper.

The opposite, however, does not hold true. The average fifteen year old, I would venture to say, regards any man of forty and up as a senile robot who needs to be put out to pasture to make way for the coming generation. How one longs to say to them: Yes: time is on your side. But no: wait your turn.” 

When one is a young buck, only two things are of paramount importance. One is impressing girls, and the other is winning the respect of your chums. Such desires operate on the juvenile mind with much the action of an insidious narcotic.

.But young girls are notoriously silly, and your peer group is as uninformed and ignorant as you. Better by far to earn the respect and admiration of right-minded men and women.

When one is young–particularly before the trust fund kicks in, usually at the age of 25–to live a decent life while staying out of debt means that one needs must scrabble like like a hungry hound with uncut nails across a linoleum floor to navigate from one financial inconvenience to the next. Car repairs, unpaid bills, the necessity to tip the server in swank restaurants–it all adds up. The direct solution to all these monetary grievances is simple–one must work harder. I myself sold bamboo tea strainers to work myself through graduate school. They cost less than three dollars a gross in Chinatown and I sold them for a dollar apiece to friends, relatives, teachers and colleagues–a profit of roughly 5,100%. (Even as a callow youth I had an eye for where and how the money was to be had.)

When I think of how ignorant the youth of today are, it’s enough to make me grind my teeth to powder. I have had occasion to remind my son as to where a unanimity of opinion soaked in Liberal bafflegab ends up. From an early age I urged him to think of a broken body lying in a cobblestoned courtyard–the mortal remains of the defenestrated Cardinal Mindzentzy, whose soul most assuredly peered down upon his husk, and us, from heaven.

I must confess that when Junior was a small boy I was wont, at the dining table, to snatch away the lion’s share of what he was pleased to call (deplorable neologism) “the goodies” from his dessert plate, and to tell him, “That, Son, is what the government takes away from you in taxes.”  I would also annoy him (torment is too strong a word) by saying that there was a bureaucratic edict, passed down from J, Edgar Hoover himself, forbidding Americans from dunking Oreos in their milk. When we would go out shopping, I would further tantalize him by saying that items which were just beyond his reach on the supermarket shelves (usually the sapid cereals which he doted on) were placed there by the Food and Drug administration specifically to prevent him from indulging in them. 

I had hoped that such salutary challenges would henceforth inform a salubrious future character. Contrary to family lore, however, I did not give him the works of Burke and Locke as a teething ring; nor was I wont to lull him to sleep by reading to him from Samuel Johnson’s Dictionary. (Now that I think of it, “lull” is a beautiful, but rather terrifying word.)  

I suppose this vulgar impulse to joke around must run in the family. At the time of the Hungarian uprising of 1956, my own father said to me, “See what is going on in Budapest? With the Hungarians? You know what they’re Hungary for? They’re hungry for their freedom.” (The old man also had the charming habit of referring to Castro as “the weird beard” and, whenever we went to dine out as a family, he would invariably mortify me, and my mother, by ordering his steaks “Communist blood red.”)

The chiefmost trimmer in the pantheon of Liberal politicians is not Lyndon Baines Johnson–though he is most certainly in the top three. Such was his desire to impose gaudy unanimity on us all that he even named his unfortunate daughter “Lynda” (in lieu of the normative “Linda”). No doubt he had yearned, as do we all, for a son instead. And what a son Lyndon Junior (for he could have been called by no other name) would indubitably have been! But I will not permit myself to speculate further. Certain things, as the Pope said about John Lennon, are too sacred to be mocked by beatniks. Or by me. 

This brings me to what I believe to be an important, and, nowadays, rather pressing point, which pertains to the education of our children in the public sphere and in even some of our more liberal private schools. It stinks. I say this, not from the posture of an anti-intellectual Philistine–far from it. I personally have had the benefit of what my sagacious elders were pleased to call a classical education, and I have benefited from it immeasurably.  No, what I am referring to is the quality of the curriculum in the public schools. I have a sneaking suspicion that teachers’ unions are in some way to blame. Examples abound. Instead of teaching good old arithmetic, and ciphering to the rule of three, on the agenda instead is an appalling abomination that some merry wag has dubbed “the new math”. Anybody with their faculties fully intact should be deeply suspicious of something tried and true yoked implausibly together with something “new”. 

Take, for instance, The New Nixon. The Old Nixon was a resolute Cold Warrior who was as much an anti-Communist as the day was long. The New Nixon, however, for all his considerable merits, was something of a trimmer.  The list is damning: detente with Russia; the opening to China; new bureaucratic and regulatory agencies to hamper business growth; and, of course, his crack-brained scheme, thankfully never implemented, of a guaranteed income which would presumably mostly benefit the poor. Meaning that every impecunious layabout, every underemployed flaneur, every aestivating lotus-eater, every hebetudinous moocher, every faineant hobbledehoy, every embusque vagrant, every wastrel mendicant, every nescient laggard, every work-averse scoundrel, every lassitudinous journeyman, every languid slugabed, every sedentary blockhead, every do-nothing huff-and-puff blowhard, every torporous beggar, every enervated clochard, and every proud tramp too fastidious to soil his hands with an honest job of work would come crawling out of the cracks and crannies where they like to hide to shake down Uncle Sucker for a free handout. And who, in the end, would pay for all this? We all would. 

Confucius famously said, “Rectify the language”. I wonder what he would say if he caught wind of some of what they are teaching the schoolchildren of today. 

My own son Eddie came home one day long ago with the new-and-improved History textbook (I wasn’t heretofore aware that History actually had to be “improved”) which had been issued to what I believe was his seventh grade class. (Eddie is a very smart boy and skipped a grade, graduating from college at the age of 21.) 

Now, I wasn’t exactly expecting that the school system would still be teaching from the tenebrous McGuffey’s Fifth Reader. Times change. I am fully aware that what is acceptable to one generation is démodé in the next. But eternal verities never change, as “Daddy” Warbucks would say–except, apparently, when it comes to the “New” History. For what I saw in this so-called “history” textbook practically made my eyes water. I began to choke and gurgle and gasp for air. Gone were heroic explorer Christopher Columbus and George Washington, The Father of Our Country. Instead, we learned the interesting “fact” that October 11, 1492 was the last good day for the good old Indigenous peoples, as Columbus came along and killed millions of ’em, presumably with the same fly-swatter which enabled the Brave Little Tailor to boast that he had killed Seven at One Blow. 

The Indians, of course, under the new dispensation, weren’t actually bloodthirsty savages at all, but were all just as mild and beneficent as Casper the Friendly Ghost. The students were also told that the Puritans were actually money-grubbing scoundrels who really didn’t give a hang about Almighty G-d, and who on the sly liked to get likkered up and flirt with amorous wenches between bouts of praying in unheated churches. They were also told that the exorbitant taxes, duties, and regulations which the British imposed upon the Colonies were just as reasonable as could be, given that the Mother Country was practically bankrupt from fighting all their wars for them. 

Furthermore, this cynical “New” History (an oxymoron if there ever was one) maintains that the Boston Tea party was a put-up job by conspiracy-mongers; that good old George Washington was actually a lousy General; that Manifest Destiny was actually just a sneaky euphemism for imperialism; that all Southerners treated their valuable enslaved property quite poorly; that the Civil War was exclusively about slavery; that Robert E. Lee was a crumby, short-sighted commander; that Lincoln freed the slaves but was to be faulted in that he took his good old time about doing so; that post-Reconstruction America was built up by businessmen so venal that they richly deserved to be called “Robber Barons”; that the Spanish were not involved in the destruction of The Maine; that our entry into World War One had nothing to do with making the world safe for Democracy; that when the Japs attacked us at Pearl Harbor, it was all our fault because we had cut off their oil supply; that FDR did not know of the impending attack ahead of time; that Roosevelt was not a sick man who sold us out at Yalta, which, anyway, was a good agreement, or at least the best that we could do; and that villainous American Running Dogs, with their capitalist Marshall Plan, , threatened the hegemony of the poor old Soviets. (Perhaps if we had called it the Marshall Five Year Plan-ski, Stalin would have snapped at the bait.)

If current trends continue in their vein, we can reasonably anticipate our school children being taught from textbooks which parrot in its entirety the Communist line. (More about that later.)

To say that I was appalled at such revisionist tripe being peddled to my son and other keen youngsters eager to believe whatever their teachers tell them to believe would be putting it mildly. It was for that reason that, cursing my initial democratic impulse to raise my son like any normal child and allow him to attend a public school, I pulled him out of that cauldron of iniquity and enrolled him in the second form of the Stropmuth Manor Monastic School. (Which, incidentally, cost me a pretty penny.) He was somewhat younger than many of the matriculating eighth graders, but he was, thankfully, big for his age, though he did have to put up with a bit of chaffing from other, older students. As for the lay faculty, I was given to understand that in 1968, many of them had voted for Humphrey. But the lay faculty did not set the tone for the establishment; that was a job for the monks, with their strict but loving and holy-minded discipline. Junior was initially resistant to leaving all his friends behind and boarding on campus, but, eventually, he began to thrive in the competitive atmosphere, in which the distraction of girls was largely absent, except at certain pre-designated times and places.

With all these strictures in place, I cannot fathom why my only son came home from boarding school during Christmas vacation of his Second Form year with hair down to his shoulders, practically, and an attitude a mile long. “Typical teenage rebellion,” said his mother. “Just a phase,” said his doting Grandfather. “You went through one too.” I wasn’t so sure. If I had been half as insolent to my father as Eddie, I would have gotten a taste of the good old strap, and tout suite, of that you can be assured. But we live in the modern age, I suppose, and corporal punishment is Simply Not Done, among our set, anyway. His mother counseled “patience” and the counting to ten (or a hundred) (or even ten thousand). Adolescent rebellion alone could not possibly account for the chimerical radical guff he was spouting. I very much doubt that the good monks of Stropmuth Manor–many of whom had connections with the intelligence services–would have taught him any of the left-wing globaloney he was now spouting at the dinner table. Perhaps while there he had fallen in with bad companions who listened to the Beatles and similar noise. We’re carving the Christmas turkey and I just happened to mention that we should offer up a prayer to honor our brave troops who are fighting overseas.”Hah!” he says. “The United States Morons. Good little soldier boys! Fit to die! Some of the stupidest chumps on earth! Drawn from socioeconomically deprived ghettos and sold a stinking bill of goods by their friendly neighborhood recruiter! They get a tattoo of a ******* eagle and they think that makes them a man!”I tried to reasonably point out (although I was already growing hot under the collar) that these brave men were our first line of defense and were fighting and dying for our country, and, on that basis at least, they deserved some basic respect, but Eddie had somehow been thoroughly brainwashed and was having none of it. “The whole thing is a mistake, a big mistake, and pussy-face Nixon won’t back down because he doesn’t want to admit he was wrong. And besides, ‘Mickey’ has him in his back pocket. “And who the devil is ‘Mickey,’ I barked.”Military Industrial Complex, Keynesian Economic Yoke…Daddy.”

It was at that point that I knew for a certainty that he had been hanging around with Pinkos; and, sure enough, he told me that he had been talking to some “groovy guys” who published some sort of “underground newspaper” near the Naval Base. “They’re sailors themselves,” he said, “and they laid it all on the line. ‘War is the health of the state–and I ain’t just puttin’ you on!'”Was this the same strange sweet boy who used to kneel by his little boy bed and lisp his hopeful prayers to bless Mommy and Daddy and Sissy and Uncle Jimmy? He seemed to have become a monster, and practically overnight. It was then that I concluded that it wasn’t just bad companions–there was something in the air. And it smelled like treason. But I kept my cool. “Reasonable men,” I said, “can disagree. So let’s not talk about it. Let’s just have a quiet supper and try to enjoy our time together.”

Strangely enough, he assented. Several years later, I remember a drunken phone call I received from him at about 11pm, just as I was about to go to bed. (I am in the practice of waking up at about five in the morning. The AM hours between five and eight are sacrosanct to me, as those are when I get most of my writing done for the day.)It was a long-distance call, collect; I took the call because I’ll admit that I hadn’t heard from him in awhile and was curious to hear what he had to say for himself.  Ordinarily, I wouldn’t answer the phone at all at such an advanced hour, but I’ll confess to having a sudden start, in case the call was about someone close to me who had suffered some sort of spectacular setback, such as hospitalization, or even death. But all the same, I had a premonition (although I don’t believe in them) and I picked up the receiver. “Hello,” his somewhat thick voice bellowed from over the wires. “I called after eleven because I know how cheap you are. All that money, and still pinching pennies like a …pauper.” I could sense that he wanted to say more, so, rather than rebuke him for his disrespectful language, I said, in a tone as hearty as I could muster (under the circumstances), “How are you, Son?” He said, and I could practically hear his spittle flying into the receiver, “We won, Dad! We WON!” “Won what, Son?” “Don’t patronize me, you old windbag,” he snapped, drunkenly, and then, catching himself (he was always good at that) he slurred into the phone, “though I will admit that you were right about–about some things. About a lot of things, actually. No–about some things.”

This was, as I recall, right after Three Mile Island and the unfortunate incident which took place at that much maligned nuclear power plant. It tunred out that my Son, and a band of like-minded left wing cohorts of his, had managed to win some sort of local ban-the-bomb referendum or other–completely ignoring, of course, the fact that the Soviets love nothing better than to see all these signs of anti-war (ir)resolution guided along by their creatures in the liberal left. I tried very hard not to spoil the boy’s moment of dubious triumph by pointing all this out, so I stifled my principles (as i said, I hadn’t heard from him for awhile) and asked him again how he was doing. This time, hopefully, in a tone that the deluded lad would not interpret as patronizing. All he could say at first was, “We won,” but then he told me about all the door to door politicking he (and his little band of useful idiots) had had to do in order to raise the money necessary to support their cause. “We only kept 15%, ” he said. “20% if we broke a hundred dollars in a day. Plus, we got a t-shirt. I only did it once. They still haven’t given me the t-shirt though. Hey, will you quiet down? I’m talking to my Dad!” This last ejaculation was directed, not, of course, at me, but at the no doubt bathless band of radicals in the crowded living room which I imagined served the ragtag band as their “field headquarters”. Someone asked him a question in the background and I heard him say “Yeah, yeah, it’s a collect call.” I then heard a hissing noise, which I recognized as the sound of someone–presumably my son–inhaling a joint. When he got back on the line, he said, “Sorry about that, dad.” I asked him yet again how he was doing, and details about his recent life and about how he made his livelihood, spilled out of him. He had had a “nice” job in a book store but he had gotten fired for drinking on the job, and “he might of gotten away with it,” only he, in his foozled state, thoughtlessly left the empty beer bottles (how vulgar) in the trash can in the store, because he intended to return the bottles for the deposit later (the young ecologist!) only he forgot and the store manager found them and his colleague “ratted him out” even though he had done him a favor, and the assistant manager, who was the lady who had hired him, asked him sorrowfully, “How could you do this to me?” The manly thing to have done would have been to tell her he had a drinking problem, and that he was sorry; but instead, I gather, he said nothing at all, and he walked out the door. (Or, in his sodden condition, presumably he oozed out.) And that was how it was, he said, in a series of rather jumbled reminiscences which need not concern us overmuch here, that he had fallen in with his band of fellow-travelers (though he didn’t refer to them by that name–to him they were, as far as he knew, merely idealistic activists such as himself), and became a door-to-door canvasser and street protester. Apparently, though most people who are badly in need of a job consult the help wanted ads in the local newspaper, he found this “job” in the pages of the local “underground” publication. 

It turns out that one of the girls at the victory party, who he was “Kinda sweet on,” even though she already had a boyfriend, on learning something of his background had urged him to “give your father a call”. What was interesting about this call was that Eddie told me that, for all his idealism, he had learned certain tricks to manipulate people as a matter of survival. “Some women–women are suckers–some women says she’s already given to the cause? Well–you tell her to give to your cause instead, because they (Greenpeace, or something) come around once a year, and our cause is one time only. Or you see that some old biddy has a nice garden, and you get her to talking and have her tell you the names of all of her flowers, and she’ll be like putty in your hands. Or, you put on a lot of fake enthusiasm and act like it’s going to be the end of the world if they don’t give you a lousy five or ten bucks. And they buy it! One lady told me I was ‘very amusing’. Another said that she considered it her duty ‘to support young fools’. And I was even serenaded by a pair of spinsters! But I was too embarrassed to ask them for money. You know, poor people are the best neighborhoods to canvass. You hit fifty doors, and they give you a dollar apiece, and” (he said, redundantly) “that’s fifty bucks! You go to these jockey boy mansions in the ‘burbs, with their well-tended lawns and you’re lucky to hit fifty doors and make five lousy bucks. Glug glug glug.”  (Eddie, I suppose, was snapping at the bottle.) “Well,” I asked, practically, “now that the canvassing is over, what are you doing now?””Right now I’m doing phone surveys,” he said, slurring the final word.  “At night. Political stuff. Calling all over the country. On a WATS line. Social Security, who are you voting for in New York, stuff like that. That kind of thing. Made me think of Uncle Jim. How is he?””Fine,” I said.”

Anyway, I called this one guy, in Brooklyn. Tough customer. Dese Dere Dem and Dose kind of guy. I asked him some questions about the Gubernatorial race, and you know what he said? He says, in this gravelly voice, ‘What’s in it for me?’ Y’know, I could have given him the standard-issue spiel about how vital it is for informed citizens to participate in the political process. But I dunno. Something in me snapped. So I said, “If you don’t answer my questions, f*****, I’ll call you at three in the morning, every night!” And he said, “Who’s your manager? Lemme talk to him.” And I said “F*** you, that’s my manager. And he says f*** you.” And he says, ‘F*** ME? Ah ha ha, kid, I like you. Sure, I’ll answer your questions. But tell me something. While you got me on the phone for dis survey, why don’t you just fill in the answers yourself?’ And I told him that I couldn’t do that, because it would be cheating. And he says to me, ‘Kid, you’ll never get anywhere in life if you’re not willin’ to cut some corners.’ So I learned something new, Dad. I learned that people hate a weakling, a chump. If you want something, you gotta grab at it with both hands.” The remainder of his conversation, though in truth it was more like a monologue, for he was shamefully, almost sobbing drunk (most of the Wrollax clan pride themselves on never getting too tiddley on Scotch, and we never lose sight of who we are such that we can’t still take care of business). He proceeded to tell me an idea he had for a TV show. But first he prefaced it with an elaborate metaphor. “A string, a stick, a hook, and a piece of a f****** bread wrapper. That’s all you need to catch all the rainbow trout you can eat. F*** the environment. F*** the game warden.”He then launched into his pitch. “People admire fascists like you. They pretend to hate ’em, and give lip service to democracy and like that, but what they really admire is a strong man. Because nobody needs a mushy wimp. So I’m thinking about the zeitgeist. Why not just cut to the chase and do a show about a bunch of fascists? Brownshirts, and like that. They can all be sitting around a big round table and talking about what they intend to do once they take over? And here’s the thing–show it opposite Saturday Night Live. Which isn’t funny. It used to be. Show bigots for who they really are. It could be funny. One guy wears a monocle and talks in a German accent. A scream! There could be a charismatic leader, always making with the wisecracks. One of them could be a Jewish guy, but not a Jew jew, y’know. Just a normal guy. But he’s always TALKING about the Jews, you know, like Franklin Jewsevelt and Harry S. Jewman ans Kike D. Eisenhower–hey! quiet down! I’m talking!–and Jew F. Kennedy and the Jew Frontier–and Lyndon Baines Jewson–it’s all about money, you see. It’s always been about–“And then came the sound of what I presumed to be somebody wrestling the phone away from him, and the line went dead.It was to be some time before I was to hear from him again. 

2. 2012: FORMATION OF THE GOOD PARTY
The recent unpleasantness in Arizona has, predictably, got the pundits
all a-twitter (maybe because they themselves are the ones principally
responsible for poisoning our discourse with their shouting heads and
neutron-bomb rhetorical pronunciatos).

Even President Obama felt impelled to chime in.

Quote: ‎”I believe we can be better.”

You BELIEVE?

That’s like FDR saying, “I believe this is a date which will live in infamy.”

Let’s face it. We need a change. And the old ways of doing business
simply haven’t worked.

Are these the end times? As 2012 approaches, it might not hurt to
placate the Sky God (Who, I feel impelled to mention, dutifully
observing the Constitutionally mandated separation of Church and
State, may or may not exist).

Communism is the philosophy of the dog in the manger.

Capitalism is the philosophy of the boy and the nuts.

Anarchism is the philosophy of the boy who cried “Nuts!”

And Libertarianism IS nuts.

What’s an American to do?

That is why I would like to call for a party convention to form a new
political party in 2012, to be called THE GOOD PARTY.

Every party needs a good slogan. That is why I have spent a great deal
more time dreaming up a slogan than in actually writing talking points
or a party platform.

Some proposed Slogans:
“Why choose between Bad and Worse? Vote Good.”
“It’s All Good.”
“Pick up the Good Vibrations.”
“Bueno.”
“Good is Best.”

Party platform: “Be Good.”

And who better than Bob Dylan, doing his best impression as a sick,
chain-smoking dog, to supply the campaign song?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-HDNthMRww

For our Southern friends, this song, by Gary Lee and the Showdown, may
also serve as a rallying cry:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utRtwIY0YaM

Defectors from the Democrats and Republicans are welcome. So long as
they are Good.

Of course, if this zany scheme ever gets off the ground, then maybe
the world really WILL come to an end in 2012.

3. “UNIVERSAL WHOREDOM”
I just finished reading Rutgers Professor Jackson Lears’ fascinating
monograph “Fables of Abundance: A Cultural History of Advertising,” in
which he quotes Sherwood Anderson as opining that advertising is
“universal whoredom”. (359) He also writes: “The ‘difficulty’ of much
avant-garde art–which was often construed as a form of masculine
heroism–became another means of insulating it from the allegedly
corrupting effects of the consumer audience–which was often construed
to be passive, feminine, and unheroic.” (300-1)

4. THE MASQUE OF OLIGARCHY
I saw Ruin on the C-Span
He had a face like Alan Greenspan.
Very sere he looked, yet plump;
Seven trillions swallowed up.
All were spent; and so our might
Left in miserable plight,
For day by day, and hour by hour,
Dwindles our imperial dower
Due to his former toxic power.

(With apologies to Shelley)

5. THE MENACE OF “BATH SALTS”
First they came for our pit bulls. Then they came for our box cutters.
Now, they are after our bath salts, simply because we said and did
nothing.

But seriously…this genuine menace has been building for a long time:
Doylestown, PA : what would you consider a perfect V-Day’s gift to receive.
Whitney Matheson: A hobo shoe filled with bath salts.
http://www.usatoday.com/community/chat/2002-02-13-whitney.htm

Michael Douglas’ son traveled coast to coast dealing large quantities
of methamphetamine before his arrest last month, according to a
criminal complaint made public Thursday…The complaint in federal
court in Manhattan alleges that Cameron Douglas was paid tens of
thousands of dollars trafficking the drug — referred to in
transactions by the code words “pastry” or “bath salts” — since 2006.
http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2009-08-06-cameron-douglas_N.htm

Florida’s attorney general moves to make synthetic cocaine illegal,
citing side effects that include paranoia, seizures and kidney
failure…
Until now, the packets of powder have been sold in convenience stores
and head shops. They contain …a chemical called
methylene-dioxypyrovalerone, or MDPV. Side effects include increased
heart rate, nosebleeds, hallucinations, severe paranoia, seizures and
kidney failure. It’s typically sold in 500 milligram packets for about
$35.
http://www.miamiherald.com/2011/01/27/2036363/state-issues-temporary-ban-on.html##ixzz1CBlZm7XC

MDPV is an uncommon stimulant with a short history of human use. It is
known for its tendency to cause compulsive redosing and some users
report sexual arousal as an effect.
http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/mdpv/

“One of the dirtiest highs ever….”
http://www.erowid.org/experiences/exp.php?ID=84783

This stuff is no joke; clearly it’s been marketed, euphemistically, as
“bath salts” but was only ever intended to be a drug of abuse.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2011-01-22-bath-salts_N.htm

ALSO SEE:
The addictive qualities of lip balm
http://www.lipbalmanonymous.com/is-lip-balm-addictive/

6. TACO BELL NON-MEAT TACOS
The plaintiff in the case is quoted as saying, “It’s things like
soybeans and wheat and oats, non-meat products. There are things I
can’t even pronounce and don’t know what they are.”

I don’t get this guy’s problem. I have no trouble at all pronouncing
“hog jowls, chicken beaks, and horsemeat.”

To be perfectly fair, Taco Bell is the only major chain that offers
unlimited refills on soda. I know this because an employee whom I was
nice to told me so.
http://www.npr.org/2011/01/25/133218485/Taco-Bell-Faces-Lawsuit-Over-Seasoned-Beef

7. PLANS FOR UTAH STATE GUN SPARK OUTRAGE
In other news, Utah lawmakers also wish to designate the Fiskars 7854
Super Splitting Axe with 28-Inch Handle and 4-1/4-Pound Head the
“official weapon of axe murderers with crazed bloodshot eyes”.

Not to be outdone, Texas has designated the STIHL MS 261 Chain Saw the
“official chainsaw of deranged cannibals”. Texas Liberals praised the
decision, citing the chainsaw’s improved engine technology, “which
results in a 50% reduction in emissions and up to a 20% increase in
fuel efficiency, as compared to previous models.”

http://www.npr.org/2011/01/27/133280682/Plans-For-Utah-State-Gun-Spark-Outrage

THE INFORMATION #1195 APRIL 1, 2022

THE INFORMATION #1195
APRIL 1, 2022
Copyright 2022 FRANCIS DIMENNO
dimenno@gmail.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

It is human nature to think wisely and act foolishly.–Anatole France

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK FIVE: THE ADVENTURES OF PENROD ANDROMALIUS
CHAPTER XIII
THE MIND BLOWERS OF P.S. 101 PART SEVEN
Mrs. Gale turned bright red. Her students, who had seen her angry but never
completely at a loss for words, were perplexed and upset. They all turned around to stare at Penrod.


And every student at the room stared; blinked, and continued to stare some more.


“Shit,” thought Penrod. “I’m fucked.”


Gone irreparably was the prospect of a world devastated by atomic fallout but otherwise completely at his disposal, with a girl whose child-bearing hips would repopulate it with simulacra of himself and her.


Now Penrod faced the cold reality of having done the unmentionable, and spoken the
unspeakable, in the presence of the immutable, and with the added disadvantage of
twenty-three additional infantine witnesses too awestruck to comment upon what he had said and done, let alone congratulate him.


Less imaginative souls speak frequently of being so abashed upon the occasion of some inexplicable gaffe that they are ready to sink all they way into the floor; were that wish to be granted him, Penrod, at this moment, and following that model, would have been ready to sink to the center of the earth, at which, he vaguely recalled, temperatures of thousands of degrees would undoubtedly eradicate him in a microsecond.


After a solid interval of nearly half a minute, in which innumerable thoughts of doom
were permitted to race through the teeming mind of the irredeemable scapegrace, Mrs. Gale finally spoke.


“Penrod Andromalius, you march right up here.”


Penrod, knowing no other recourse other than a precipitate flight from the room, which he well knew would only delay the hour of his destiny and the ensuing awful punishment, glumly complied.


He stood before her, arms outstretched, awaiting the impact of the steel ruler.

Steely words were his punishment instead. Mrs. Gale was practically quavering as she asked:
“How could you say such a thing? How could you do such a thing?


It was at this point that Penrod proved his mettle by looking Mrs. Gale directly in the
eyes and, taking a desperate chance, replying as follows:


“I’d rather not say.”

“Why would you rather not say? Because you don’t want to, or because you don’t
know?”

“Because I don’t want to.”
“Why don’t you want to?”
“It’s something I was told to keep secret.”
“Who told you to keep it secret?”
“I’d rather not say.”
“Young man, I want you to stand out in the hall until the end of class and wait for me.
Then we’ll have a little talk.”
“But I have a third period class.”
“That can wait. I’ll see that you’re excused. Because I can assure you that, one way or
another, I intend to get to the bottom of this behavior.”


Penrod duly waited in the hall for roughly thirty minutes until the third period bell would ring and Mrs. Gale would duly emerge.
He was not idle during that time. His recombinant powers of imagination, yoked to a
crudely instinctual sense of how to fabricate a good story, were percolating fabricated
details in his fertile mind, which was inventing a most fantastic scenario; one that would quite possibly assure him of a pardon.
It is probably fair to say that no job applicant striving to impress a prospective employer, or long-unemployed actor struggling to pass an audition, ever cogitated with greater diligence. Has it not been said by the esteemed and eminently quotable Dr. Johnson, whose words have come down to us via his inestimable biographer Boswell, that a knowledge that one is to be hanged on the morrow concentrates the mind wonderfully?


And so it was with Master Andromalius. It was doubly fortunate for him that the hour
was one of maximum creativity for Penrod—that between 10 and 11am. It was the hour during which he was at his best.


Mrs. Gale came out. Outside of the class room that she so imperiously ruled, she seemed smaller; more vulnerable, even, though no less grave. She took him by the hand. Not gently, but with a grip that was not overly firm. She led him down the hall. Penrod meekly followed.


“Where are we going?” he quavered.
“To the Principal’s office. Unless you have some sort of explanation for me.”
“I—“
“You must have some reason for what you did and said.”
“I—“
“If it’s something you’d rather not repeat in front of the Principal, we can go to the office of the school nurse and discuss it there.”
By assiduously and rigidly following school protocol, Mrs. Gale had, unknowingly,
played right into Penrod’s hands. She had, in sporting parlance, “thrown him a softball.”
And Penrod was prepared to hit it right out of the park.
“Can we? Go to the school nurse? I have something I need to talk about. In private.”
Mrs. Gale was mildly disturbed by his incipient confession. Like any good politician,
during her long career as a town employee she had made a practice of knowing well the entire pecking order of her community. She knew Penrod’s family—in fact, had known them all for many years, since she had not only taught his Aunt Ida and Uncle Russ, and his older sister Pearl, but also both his mother and father. She well knew that Penrod’s father was a highly respected and influential businessman who was an honored member of several fraternal orders, including the V.F.W., the Elks, and the Knights of Columbus. In his role as a real estate agent, he had even selected and sold to her, at a not insubstantial discount, the cottage in nearby Arcadia that she planned to retire to once her career had come to an end.


She didn’t figure Mr. Andromalius for the type who would be harboring a needy child
who was emotionally and possibly even physically abused.


Soon, Mrs. Gale and Penrod were ensconced in the office of the matronly Mrs.
Lamsbrecht, aka “Lamb,” who was the long-time School Nurse of Eden Prairie
Elementary and Middle School. Mrs. Lambrecht tactfully absented herself, though she
busied herself at a desk just outside of the closed door, just in case she should be called upon to perform an examination.


“So, Penrod—what exactly is going on with you,” said Mrs. Gale, somewhat gently.
“Well—my home life isn’t the best, I suppose. I’m really very sorry about what I said.”
“Never mind that,” said the suddenly concerned Mrs. Gale, whose worst suspicions were being confirmed. “Tell me more about what’s going on in your home.”
“It’s not my Mom or Dad,” said Penrod, mustering up a not entirely deceptive enthusiasm for his progenitors. “They’re just great. Dad is up for a big job over at Ivy College and I guess he’s kind of worried about that, but he still has time for me, I guess.”
Since the ongoing affairs of the town were of avid interest to her, Mrs. Gale was
interested to learn about the job, which she hadn’t heard about.
“No, it’s not them, and please don’t tell them I said anything, because I guess they’d just die. No, it’s my Uncle Russ.”
“Do you mean Russell Runyon?”
“Yeah, he’s my father’s, uh, brother in law, I guess.”
“I know that!” said Mrs. Gale. “I had him in my class!” She was now suddenly extremely interested. The high school football coach, unlike some coaches she had known, was a model of probity. “What about your Uncle Russ?”
“Well, you know, I’d rather not say.”
“Listen, Penrod,” said Mrs. Gale, “I hope you know that anything you tell me about the circumstances of your home life will remain strictly private between you and me. Unless there is some sort of physical abuse involved, or criminal behavior, I will keep it strictly confidential. Just between you and me.”
On hearing the words “strictly,” “confidential,” “physical,” and “criminal,” Penrod knew he had practically been handed the elements of an improvisational story that would result in getting him off the hook. No palm-reader, astrologer, or criminal profiler would fail to understand the significance of such cue words; nor did Penrod.
“I guess it all started several years ago, when Uncle Russ was working undercover for the police.”
Mrs. Gale immediately grew suspicious. “Your Uncle Russ? I’ve never heard of any such thing.”
“That’s because he was undercover,” said Penrod. “You see, there’s this motorcycle gang in Cross Country Plaza called The Satan Killers” (that much was true), “and they were peddling drugs to the kids in the schools down there, and the police knew about how my Uncle Russ had a kind of a reputation up here, and the kids on the football teams down there were getting hooked on drugs, so they asked him to come down and infiltrate the gang, and so he started going down to their clubhouse and started drinking beer and riding motorcycles—“
“Now, Penrod, none of this makes any sense. Tell me,” said Mrs. Gale, interrupting.
“Why would your Uncle Russ even agree to do such a thing? ‘Go undercover,’ as you
say? He’s happily married to your Aunt Ida.”
“Oh, no, this was all before they met and got married. You see, I guess when he was in high school, some of his best friends had gotten hooked on the stuff, and he wanted to get back at the people who were responsible.”
“Penrod, I don’t believe one word of this. It’s the most fantastic story I ever heard.”
“Can you at least let me finish telling you what happened? I swear I can prove it, every word of it. At first, the bikers were suspicious of Uncle Russ, because they didn’t know him very well, so in the beginning he started hanging around candy stores and pool halls, and starting fights—“
“Your Uncle Russ? Why, he’s the gentlest man I’ve ever met!”
“Yeah, but it was all part of his tough-guy act. He had to do it, or they wouldn’t accept
him in the gang. And then he started going to bars and picking up wild women, all as part of his undercover act, and then he finally got in with the gang leader, whose name was Rogue, and they did a few drug deals and before too long when nothing happened, like, when the police didn’t show up, they let Uncle Russ join the gang. Then Uncle Russ started sniffing heroin and then he got hooked, and then he had to go to the hospital where they send you when you’re on drugs, and he got cured, only it was a very deep dark secret, and now my Aunt Ida has come to live with us because I think Uncle Russ had a relapse and he’s back on the stuff and everything that’s in the house is gone because he sold it so he can pay for more junk and then—“
“Penrod, that is the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
“It’s the truth, Scout’s honor!” (Incidentally, Penrod was not a Scout.)
“All right. Assuming that everything you’ve told me is the truth, or at least some version of it, then answer me this: how is it that you know about this?”
“Well, I couldn’t help but know! It’s all my folks will talk about, and they don’t think
I’m listening when they talk about it but I am. Aunt Ida had to come and stay with us
because Uncle Russ is in some kind of trouble with the police. I heard it with my own
ears!”
Penrod made this statement with the kind of ardent conviction that can only be
summoned by a master salesman who has convinced himself of every word of his pitch.

*1 SALUTATION

POCO
HOEDOWN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=978hAGpe6EM


2*REFERENCE
COCAINE
COCAINE FIENDS
www.dailykos.com/story/2007/10/1/392521/-

COCAINE COMICS
www.comicextra.com/cocaine-comix/chapter-1/full
www.comicextra.com/cocaine-comix/chapter-2/full
www.comicextra.com/cocaine-comix/chapter-3/full
www.comicextra.com/cocaine-comix/chapter-4/full

MICKEY MOUSE: COCAINE DON
www.2oceansvibe.com/2010/06/23/mickey-mouse-was-a-cocaine-don/

ANGEL LOVE: COCAINE
cambriancomics.com/2018/05/21/1980s-comic-showcase-angel-love/

3*HUMOR
ALCOHOL
THE STANLEY BROTHERS
MOUNTAIN DEW
https://youtu.be/ug8p5pVsj9U

UNCLE JEMIMAH’S PURE MASH LIQUOR
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg4lpu_9iKE

WHAT MAKES A GLASS OF BEER TASTE SO GOOD?
https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/dochermes/34340054/2212944/2212944_original.jpg

ALSO SEE:
BEER: GOOD FOR LITTLE TOTS
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/d7/2e/72/d72e72484029ce08ebb627b36b227a46–good-for-her-creepy-kids.jpg

HOW MOTHER AND BABY PICKED UP
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/c4/65/dd/c465dd9e868a9447059ce9ae7cb4c31d–retro-ads-vintage-advertisements.jpg

BAR GUIDE
http://www.timidfutures.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Bar-Guide-Published-by-True-The-Mans-Magazine.jpg

CAPTAIN AL COHOL
http://www.ep.tc/problems/thirteen/

UNKEPT PROMISE
http://www.ep.tc/problems/65/

ALSO SEE:
VIZ
THE BROWN BOTTLE
http://gone-and-forgotten.blogspot.com/2016/06/truly-gone-forgotten-brown-bottle.html?_sm_au_=iVVDZ5f4QvHsWr77803WKK6HVL2M2

EVERY MORNING’S A SMIRNOFF MORNING
https://dimenno.files.wordpress.com/2022/03/08382-dos4vlzx0aabepo.jpg
http://peromyscus.blogspot.com/2017/11/culture-jammed.html?_sm_au_=iVV2KGQ2PqP54q2P803WKK6HVL2M2


4*NOVELTY
HALLUCINOGENS
AS THE POTENT CHEMICALS ASSAULT THE REASON….
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/22/e7/91/22e791e7b0b38aa85b65cfd4d8fbb0e2.jpg

TIMBER WOLF
https://i0.wp.com/comicsarcheology.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/image011-22.png?resize=592%2C280&ssl=1

USERS ARE LOSERS
http://www.ep.tc/problems/eighteen/

FI FI FOUR PLUS TWO
I WANNA COME BACK (FROM THE WORLD OF LSD)
https://youtu.be/JynYYXWp9TY

THE HUMAN EXPRESSION
LOVE AT PSYCHEDELIC VELOCITY
https://youtu.be/QydgPHAJ5mg

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
PUTIN
www.newyorker.com/news/q-and-a/stephen-kotkin-putin-russia-ukraine-stalin

ALSO SEE:

DEFCON 3

Soon it will be the 49th anniversary of a DEFCON 3:

Only four world-class DEFCON hikes are known: a very brief one caused by a Soviet-American diplomatic breakdown during talks in Paris (May 1960); the Cuban Missile Crisis (October to November 1962); a U.S. alert aimed at discouraging direct Soviet participation in the Arab-Israeli war in the Mideast (October 1973); and a hasty move to raise security around military bases after the terror attacks of September 11, 2001. In the last case, the military knew that a worldwide hike to DEFCON 3 was not well suited as a response to terrorists using hijacked airliners, but according to Bruce Blair of Princeton University, in the first uncertain hours, authorities seized on it as the quickest way to secure the perimeters of U.S. military bases.

They missed one. We are currently at DEFCON 3.
Due to the uncertainty at the Ukraine border and the tensions between Russia and NATO, the DEFCON in the United States is at DEFCON 3 as of March 1, 2022.
militarybenefits.info/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/DEFCON_Levels_Warning_System.jpg

6* DAILY UTILITY
ADBUSTERS SPOOF ADS
https://www.adbusters.org/spoof-ads

*7 CARTOON
JUNK
Sweetsh lil gal inna worl!
MURDER, MORPHINE AND ME
cacb.wordpress.com/2010/09/27/murder-morphine-and-me/

ALSO SEE:
www.printmag.com/uncategorized/1950s-comics/
www.printmag.com/uncategorized/comics-corrupted-our-kids/
https://www.printmag.com/comics-animation-design/hooray-for-twisted-filthy-disgusting-comic-books/
cbldf.org/2012/08/tales-from-the-code-how-much-did-things-change-after-the-enactment-of-the-comics-code-of-1954/
www.crimeboss.com/history02-1.html

SEE ALSO:
JOE SCHENKMAN
FUNKY JUNKIES
https://comixjoint.com/6_site_graphics/*Samples/2_Underground/shortorder2-art2.jpg

SEE ALSO:
FUZZ AGAINST JUNK
evergreenreview.com/read/fuzz-against-junk/

MARY WORTH
TOMMY FORGETS ABOUT HIS TROUBLES…
https://joshreads.com/images/16/07/i160723maryworth.jpg

KERRY DRAKE
https://beyondthc.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/KD03-2.jpg
http://reefermadnessmuseum.org/chap08/KerryDrake10.htm

ALSO SEE:
BEWARE!
https://cdn.digitalcomicmuseum.com/preview/cache/20679/Wanted51_22.jpg

ONE DOSE
https://dimenno.files.wordpress.com/2022/03/e2b9d-want51-you-crazy-junkie.jpg

HOOKED
http://www.ep.tc/hooked/

SEE ALSO:
THE YEN-SHEE BABY
www.weirduniverse.net/blog/comments/yen-shee_baby

8*PRESCRIPTION
FIFTY MOST DRUG-ADDLED ALBUMS
www.theweeklings.com/sbeaudoin/2014/02/26/the-50-most-drug-addled-albums-of-mania-dissipation-and-beauty/

9* RUMOR PATROL

LIGHT GREEN, I GO
www.quora.com/As-a-police-officer-what-situation-made-it-hard-for-you-to-keep-a-straight-face


10*LAGNIAPPE
PETER STAMPFEL & THE BOTTLECAPS
LONELY JUNKIE
https://youtu.be/fFyOXNIFtdY

11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
ARCHIE PSA: YOU DON’T NEED DRUGS….
https://dimenno.files.wordpress.com/2022/03/97b4b-betty2band2bveronica2bdrugs2b22b407x640.jpg
https://dimenno.files.wordpress.com/2022/03/e535c-betty2band2bveronica2bdrugs2b12b413x640.jpg
https://dimenno.files.wordpress.com/2022/03/1b7ec-ad2.jpg

ALSO SEE:
I GOT DEEPER AND DEEPER….
http://www.misterkitty.org/extras/stupidcovers/bros16.jpg

12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE
MARIJUANA
SMOKING A JOINT IN THE COURTROOM
boingboing.net/2020/01/28/gentleman-in-court-on-marijuan.html

ALSO SEE:
INJECTING MARIJUANA
https://preview.redd.it/lezoq35b7l871.jpg?auto=webp&s=7ce67f76ca3cc9427732a7deab9c8462ff492aac

I’VE HEARD OF REEFERS OF COURSE
https://i0.wp.com/boingboing.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/reefer-madness-4.jpg?w=1200&ssl=1

THE MAKINGS OF A CAT
https://atomicjunkshop.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/img637.jpg

GOTTA HAVE A REEFER
https://i0.wp.com/www.printmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/2a34d8_06f8f6c3cdcc418482b0c5f9634059cemv2-1.gif?resize=579%2C600&ssl=1

HERE GOES
https://i0.wp.com/www.printmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/2a34d8_6480a9c9e2f54c7ebd82861a82a89e8fmv2-1.gif?resize=600%2C390&ssl=1

EDEN HASHISH CENTRE
https://www.google.com/search?q=%22Let+us+take+higher.%22&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj2n5-Tj4HTAhUn1oMKHTwkDzIQ_AUICSgC&biw=1366&bih=662

IT HURTS MORE TO REFUSE
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/whysoserious/images/a/ac/Drugs_05.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20090524014020

FLOWER LOVE
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/90/33/ca/9033cad284bc3e47f9a1e852281b11d0.jpg

THE INFORMATION #1194 MARCH 25, 2022

THE INFORMATION #1194
MARCH 25, 2022
Copyright 2022 FRANCIS DIMENNO
dimenno@gmail.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

Fantasy is hardly an escape from reality. It’s a way of understanding it.
― Lloyd Alexander

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK FIVE: THE ADVENTURES OF PENROD ANDROMALIUS
CHAPTER XII
THE MIND BLOWERS OF P.S. 101 PART SIX

It should here be noted, that, to the settled gentleman who has reached sixty years of age, sitting perfectly still for an hour with not even so much as a newspaper to divert him is no great chore. He has a mind rich with associative memories, and may well be able to abide the passage of such a span with his, by no means entirely unpleasant, ruminations of the miscalculations he has made in the recent past and the minor problems he has procrastinated in reckoning with in the near present; and thus, he can pass a thoughtful and by no means wholly unproductive spell of time in calculating how he intends to rectify those minor impedimenta and do what he really likes, which, most likely, is to not think about them any more.

The man of thirty will no doubt spend that hour somewhat more restively; it will seem to him a lengthy span but not an insuperable one, for even he has the resources to mull upon matters such as his long list of paramours and the unwise decisions he has made regarding the way in which he has handled them, and, in that way, he can readily occupy that duration in reminiscing over the many pleasurable affiliations he has made in the recent past, as well as in scheming about his current and near future assignations.

But to the boy of ten or eleven, one hour is like three hours to the thirty year old, and
perhaps as many as six hours to the sixty year old—such, we are assured, is the nature of relativity as explicated by savants such as Einstein and Company. To make any man abide unoccupied a span of three or even six hours is the stuff that long layovers at the airport are made of; but, for the boy, particularly one who is bored by his schoolwork, these are not occasional inconveniences but everyday occurrences, and they happen not once in a day but several times in every day, and five times a week.

Small wonder, then, that the boy dwells not upon the distant past, of which he has none to speak of, or even upon the recent part, in which it is likely that no truly extraordinary or even highly unusual incidents have occurred. The boy, if I reckon rightly, who is faced with an unendurable stretch of time in which he is compelled to do nothing but simply patiently wait, will, to retain his peace of mind, invariably lose himself in his solipsistic fantasies of what he intends to do in the near and distant future.

Such it was with Penrod. Baffled by his nemesis, Mrs. Gale, he once more lost himself in what was this time an even more convoluted series of thoughts.

He glanced about the room as the voice of Mrs. Gale droned on with the type of
monotonous rigor that nobody had ever dared, during the course of her entire career, to inform her was soporific in the extreme.

But Penrod, so recently punished, and with his knuckles still red and stinging, felt
compelled not to lapse into total inattention, and so to divert his mind via his imaginative faculties, he drew upon a recent trip to the zoo for his raw material.

He began to imagine the classroom as a delightful holding pen for all manner of exotic creatures destined for a long voyage on Noah’s fabled ark.

Mrs. Gale, as befit her appearance, was a mean old crow whose dull feathers were gray with age. Her mouth operated like a steam shovel mercilessly scooping up dust and continually clanking in a most distracting fashion.

The girl seated in front of him was another bird; a little chicken with an extremely large and round forehead, so timid that she was unable to let out so much as a little peep.

The boy to his right was a mangy brown bear, with the dull eyes and thrusting snout of a feral animal.

The goggle-eyed boy to his left was a grizzled little penguin, with his slicked-back hair
and his unnaturally stiff bearing.

Penrod, for his own part, imagined that his own appearance amid this motley rabble was akin to that of a bronzed barbarian, nobly armed with sword and shield, dressed entirely in leather and ready to take up arms against a sea of troubles.

Whatever profound psychological problems Penrod may have had, it is probably
perfectly reasonable to assume that low self-esteem could never be counted among them.

Much to his dismay, upon the sounding of the bell, Penrod discovered that his second
period was also to be spent in the dreaded Room 27F, under the further tutelage of Mrs. Gale, as she essayed to instruct the slow-witted members of the class in the uninspiring rigors of remedial Geography.


Penrod had no great and abiding interest in the topic, which he had hitherto studied not at all; ordinarily, his second period was spent in a social studies class in which the peculiar habits of people of other countries were examined and made much of while he passively sat and penciled into his textbook mustaches, beards, eyeglasses, and other nearly requisite graffiti upon the faces of the indigenous peoples of various countries.


In the geography class, by way of contrast, Mrs. Gale’s invariable practice was to pull
down an enormous map of the world from a roller in front the blackboard and to proceed thence to dryly lecture about the countries, their capitals, and their principal exports. The names and facts were so foreign to his understanding and comprehension that Penrod simply did not desire to understand or comprehend them. He could not imagine that these salient pieces of information would ever be of any earthly use to him and he could scarcely imagine to whom they would be of any interest. One might have well have recited the elements of the periodic table to a hoary, gap-toothed, flea-bitten ape.


One quickly forgets, once age has dealt its inescapable hand, just how resentful a spirited boy of ten or eleven can become whenever he feels impelled to assume an interest in matters that hold for him no interest whatsoever. Adults, for whatever reason, when confronted at work with tasks which they feel to be tedious and commonplace, can at least rationalize (and they very frequently so do) that they are being paid to assume command of the corresponding information and will find it of some utility in performing the job on which their salaried livelihood depends. A boy cannot, on the whole, imagine school as a form of work in quite the same way. For him, school may be akin to a trial through which he is asked to pass, but one during which he can mingle with other children and socialize with his friends. But, to his puerile mind, school is not designed to profit him in any significant way. He awaits only one outcome: a release from this involuntary detention.


In general, excelling in school work entails being, or becoming, truly interested in the
subject matter, and Penrod was not of that stripe. He was potentially able to master any given subject matter with ease; but he preferred to daydream, and catch up whenever he could. He acted this way, though he would not have consciously admitted it, because he well knew that other boys were not, as a rule, impressed by a brilliant showing in the classroom. They were only impressed by a brilliant disruption of the classroom. With the inexperienced Miss Keeper, such minor irruptions of the school day routine were comparatively easy to accomplish; almost laughably so.


With the dour Mrs. Gale, this sort of feat was not only difficult; it was potentially
hazardous and therefore all but impossible.


Furthermore, during this second hellish interval, Penrod was not even allowed the
comforting solace of glancing around the room at his classmates. He immediately
understood that he was required to keep his gaze upon the map at all times; otherwise, retribution in the form of the dreaded steel ruler would be swift and certain.


So it was that, faced with an immovable object, in the form of Mrs. Gale, Penrod, himself constituting an irresistible force, felt compelled to essay the feat of daydreaming with his eyes wide open and a look of simulated attentiveness sculpted upon his face.


As he gazed into the map of the world, he saw it without seeing it. It began to resolve
itself into constituent colors of no signification whatsoever. A semiotician might have
speculated that, as a sign, it, somehow, no longer signified.


As he gazed at the improbably varicolored blob, Penrod began to imagine himself as a desperately embattled hero.


He was suddenly transported in his thoughts to the dark and bloody ground of the
Gibsonia Scholar’s Academy. The atomic bomb had just been dropped. He was hunted, haunted, hounded, and roaming the rainbow-hued wasteland of a post-nuclear landscape, in which he alone was pure of heart, or, at the very least, worthy to survive. But the dread mutants of this post-holocaust nightmare were ever at his heels, demanding a blood sacrifice from the sole unmutilated survivor of this apocalyptic Eden.


The bomb victims, and their ensuing hideous mutations, took on the horribly familiar
aspects familiar to any avid fan of certain monster movies; there was the perpetually indignant-looking mustard-yellow fish-faced creature with gills about his neck who staggered on two slimy legs; the ghastly green square-headed undead zombie with the bolt in its neck and a jagged scar across its forehead; the white-faced dandy with pointed teeth dressed in a luxe albeit rather shopworn tuxedo; the lupine fellow with the hairy body who walked in a hunching posture. There, too, was also undead Mario Andrealphus, with his violet jacket vest and pants ensemble (torn) with white socks (bloody) and red leather shoes (dripping with gore). Topping it was a soft red hat made of human flesh, and a flowing red cape dripping with the blood of myriad helpless infants ruthlessly crushed beneath his mindless zombie heel.


All, particularly Zombie Mario, were determined to kill Penrod and eat his brains. His,
and those of the other sole survivor: None other than the winsomely lovely (but terribly frightened) Doree Lang.


Penrod wasn’t entirely sure how she had managed to wander into the picture, but he was glad to have her there, for, once the zombies were subdued (though it would most certainly be a very near run thing), he would undoubtedly require a consort to begin the world anew and ensure the survival of all mankind. (Penrod was not so solipsistic–or naïve, in spite of his tender years–to imagine he could accomplish this feat alone.)


The girl had once judged him and found him wanting. She must still detest him. This he knew. But now he was her only hope. And the only hope of the entire human race. To Penrod’s surprise, at the thought of this, unfamiliar (and not wholly unpleasurable)
stirrings began to animate his groin.


He knew now that he had to prevail; both for his sake and for that of the girl. He had to win, if he were to win her. Because he was outnumbered five to one, he knew that to accomplish that vital end, upon which the entire world depended, he had to use his one advantage—his superior intelligence.


And so, the better to utterly destroy these soulless creatures, he decided he had to lure them inside (what he imagined to be) the Gibsonia Scholar’s Academy and subdue them one by one. The green undead zombie was vanquished by a burning brand of fire from the basement furnace. The fish-man from the lagoon was overcome with a beaker of corrosive acid from the chemistry lab. The wolf-man was foiled by a fencing sword from the gym. He then led the remaining two creatures outdoors. The vampire he vanquished with a wooden stake from a convenient picket fence. Zombie Mario he lured to the edge of a cliff. He pushed him off, then, with great effort, pushed a boulder after him, then watched with relieved satisfaction as the boulder landed directly on top of him and crushed the shrieking abomination.


Doree came up to him. “You did it,” she breathed in his ear. “But what do we do now?
What can we do? Where can we go?”


Patagonia said Mrs. Gale.
“We’ll go to Patagonia,” said Penrod, with adult assurance. “And begin life anew.”
“I love you,” said Doree. And she began unbuttoning her shirt.

Penrod felt a swelling below. He pressed his book to his groin. The ensuing novel
sensation felt extremely pleasant. He once again pressed the book gently to that area. It felt even more pleasurable. So he pressed it there yet again.


Mrs. Gale noticed Penrod’s indecent and only partially concealed movements in the back row and, with horror, she shrieked, “Penrod Andromalius! What are you DOING?”
“Jesus Christ,” he bellowed. “Will you shut the fuck up?”

*1 SALUTATION
LOU REED
LISA SAYS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EP31SG7O_U

2*REFERENCE
THE GOOD OLD DAYS
historydaily.org/photos-that-show-how-life-really-used-to-be/18?utm_subid=9895273&utm_term=CNN+%28Turner+U.S.%29_CNN+Dev+&utm_source=outbrain&utm_campaign=1286004&utm_content=00255c76519d39f34b7c0df34f55a97c3a_00212893727e5ea438dd07df9d173a52f6&native_publisher_id=0048938c4af9641f2e04565be89ece5954&dicbo=v1-36a0212150b6253b30b121aafdbf38a2-0030822c6baf48ae25d90e89b1eb12bec9-myztkylchbrdollfmq4wgljumiztmljygizdaljzmiytinbuguzwizbxga

3*HUMOR
BOILED CABBAGE

ALSO SEE:

CABBAGE DOG

https://c.tenor.com/CF4gpsmNJKQAAAAd/sushichaeng-dog-eating-cabbage.gif

4*NOVELTY
WEIRD CITY AND TOWN NAMES
www.babbel.com/en/magazine/the-35-weirdest-city-and-town-names-in-the-usa

ALSO SEE:
CURIOUS TOWN NAMES
https://hips.hearstapps.com/hbu.h-cdn.co/assets/16/37/1473876080-index-state-names-map.jpg

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE A CLOWN
https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a35139/sparky-the-clown-interview-brian-wishnefsky/

6* DAILY UTILITY
BLACKBERRIES
manganese (31% DV), vitamin C (25% DV), and vitamin K (19% DV).
The seeds contain oil rich in omega-3 (alpha-linolenic acid) and omega-6 (linoleic acid) fats as well as protein, dietary fiber, carotenoids, ellagitannins, and ellagic acid.

ALSO SEE:
RED SEEDLESS BLACKBERRIES
https://www.tnnursery.net/delicious-red-seedless-blackberries/

*7 CARTOON
GOODBYE POOCHIE
https://youtu.be/4tvAjX5ACPo

ALSO SEE:
The cover of  this particular comic book terrified me as a young lad of 7.
https://www.hipcomic.com/listing/house-of-mystery-1951-series-147-good-comics-book/7388376

Et tu, Zook?
https://dictionary.university/zook

You worn-out prostitute.

8*PRESCRIPTION
THE PRECOCIOUS CHILD
“The precocious child is uncanny and (onstage at least) unpleasant.” –Nicolas Rideout
I was an inconveniently precocious child. One time I asked a priest who was visiting our classroom, “If God always was and always will be, how come we weren’t born 100 years ago?” He chuckled indulgently that I must want to be a cowboy, but then he struggled for at least ten minutes to actually answer the question.
www.theguardian.com/stage/2015/jan/16/splurge-guns-child-actors-bugsy-malone-nether

9* RUMOR PATROL
WORLD’S WEIRDEST MUSEUMS
www.cnn.com/travel/article/world-weirdest-museums/index.html

10*LAGNIAPPE
SIBERIAN KHATRU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0HnIr6jYWU

11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
SMALL-TIME
BY RUSS SHORTO

I just happened to pick it up while browsing the new book shelves at the North Providence Library. It takes place in Johnstown, PA. There’s even a mention of Blairsville. Midpoint between Pgh and Johsntorn. And the Pittsburgh mob. Kelly Mannarino, out of New Kensington, an aluminum town. I’ve somehow heard of the fellow. Maybe in the stories my father told.  

Some philosophy:

Russ once told me, “Mike,” he says, “there’s two different kinds of people. With the first, you throw a handful of shit in a guy’s face and he knows it’s shit. You forget about that guy–you can’t make money off him. But with the other kind, you tell him the shit you’re feeding him is ice cream…and he’ll believe it. You let him think that–you get him to love the taste of it. And then you take every fuckin’ dime he’s got.  

The book is quite instructive. You learn that pinball used to be a gambling proposition, with high scores redeemable for cash. Back in 1966, however, when I was being introduced to the game, those days were long gone. You could sell or give away your replays; usually, you gave them away. There were people who managed, during the 1950s, to drop thirty bucks on the nickel machines. Equivalent to about a week’s pay.

I still remember the sound of a replay. SHWACK!

We also learn that slot machines are strictly for dupes.

The sports book–that’s where the action was. But Italian math savants managed to shave a profit out of that.

The numbers? Pah. They only paid 600 to one, when the true odds were, of course, 1000 to one. 40 per cent profit from the get-go. No wonder mobsters were lavish in throwing around cash. There’s something very feudal about the whole thing. Still: many people regarded lottery tickets as an investment, and not a tax on stupidity. Banks weren’t lending money to business-minded Italians. And Wall Street wasn’t hiring (m)any Italians in the 1950s.

Johnstown was a sundown town.Which I did not know.
https://www.amazon.com/Banished-Johnstown-Backlash-Pennsylvania-American/dp/1467142743/ref=pd_sbs_2/147-3266188-6091168?pd_rd_w=XmPcf&pf_rd_p=dfec2022-428d-4b18-a6d4-8f791333a139&pf_rd_r=RP9YBCSS8KJNQPRZ5G96&pd_rd_r=4a545aed-2d43-4959-835b-8c819a6b991d&pd_rd_wg=xx1Lv&pd_rd_i=1467142743&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/Smalltime-Story-My-Family-Mob/dp/0393245586

12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE

JOURNALISM
You might find this site instructive in your journalistic forays.
https://library.csi.cuny.edu/c.php?g=619342&p=4310783

I find that journalism is ridiculously easy, compared to writing fiction. I have said so, and I mean it.
https://archives.cjr.org/language_corner/journalism_and_cliches.php

Consider the myriads of fictional tropes:
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AccidentalChildKillerBackstory

But fiction doesn’t help you with writing journalism as much as journalism helps you with writing fiction.

THE INFORMATION #1193 MARCH 18, 2022

THE INFORMATION #1193
MARCH 18, 2022
Copyright 2022 FRANCIS DIMENNO
dimenno@gmail.com

https://dimenno.wordpress.com

Time is what we want most, but what we use worst. — William Penn

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE

BOOK FIVE: THE ADVENTURES OF PENROD ANDROMALIUS

CHAPTER XI

THE MIND BLOWERS OF P.S. 101 PART FIVE

Grownups, particularly those adults who are well past their prime, are prone to wax glassy-eyed with nostalgia when recalling the scenes of their allegedly golden youth, when the newness of their sensations and the novelty of the situations fixed their immature minds into a mode which, in their fancy, at least, was constantly receptive and eager to form, as the scientists now say, new synaptic connections. What these quasi-senescent codgers tend to forget, however, is just how fraught with new peril each day seems to youngsters who lack the adult perception regarding the comparative unimportance of each day when reckoned against the span of tens of thousands of such. Furthermore, the old have a comforting, but inevitably falsifying, tendency to retain and place the greatest importance only upon the most pleasurable of their juvenile impressions, while disregarding the importance of the jarring shocks to which childhood is invariably prone. In their fondly nostalgic and gauze-shrouded recollections, elders verging upon their dotage invariably have trouble recalling those troubled times in which great triumphs were frequently succeeded by awful disasters that threatened destruction at every turn. It is the nature of the mature mind that many small triumphs are retained and burnished; and, correspondingly, that all great disasters are minimized and discarded.


Although he would not have used the exact terminology herein employed, Penrod sensed that his hubristic deed of the previous Saturday foretold some awful nemesis that would surely await him at the fresh commencement of the school week. Truly, as the ancients wisely intuited, man’s fate is indubitably to be called to grim account for overweening pride.
That Monday prior to the ringing of the school bell found Penrod in the playground
behind the mustard yellow edifice of his school. And, as if to confirm his darkest
suspicions of a world lashed by false friends and hidden conspiracies, he was surrounded by a mob of new friends, or at least, would-be friends, who, to a boy, excitedly informed him that his sabotaging of the stage presentation of the previous Saturday had been “cool,” and “awesome,” and other, similarly glowing and inarticulately salutary adjectives of juvenile approval. Any ordinary boy might have had his head turned by such sudden flattering attention; but Penrod, as we have mentioned, was not simply an ordinary boy. He had something of the bitter eremite in his outlook that caused him to be mentally wary of the plaudits of the mob even as his conscious ear was still ringing with the tokens of their approbation. To Penrod, only the opinion and judgment of his stalwart friend Cad truly mattered, and Cad was worried. The two wandered off to a more secluded corner of the playground, where Cad expressed his concerns more freely.
“You think they’re going to send us off to the Scholar’s Academy next year?” (It should be mentioned here that, in spite of its name, the so-called Scholar’s Academy in neighboring Gibsonia was actually a vocational school set in a grim, fortress-like castle, situated on the somewhat deracinated main street of that rural town, and that it had a reputation for attracting, and utterly failing to educate, a particularly ruthless breed of unenlightened outer-borough youngster.)


“So what if they do,” said Penrod, with an air of brutal candor. “I’m getting sick of all
these babies anyway.” (It is perhaps needly to say that we can detect, in Penrod’s scorn of the puerile and immature, perhaps more than a bit of the recent influence of “Rogue,” the eponymous antihero of the film ‘The Mind Blowers of P.S. 101’).
“Yeah, but I hear that the kids there are rough.”
“Well, they better not start anything with me, if they know what’s good for them,” said
Penrod, grimly. “You saw how I fixed that Mario.”
“Yeah, well, you can’t fight the whole school.”
“Hm,” said Penrod, not having thought about this romantic possibility, which began to take root in his mind and was to lay dormant but for a short while.
The school bell then rang and summoned the reluctant scholars to class.
Penrod’s home room class was alive with its usual bedlam of voices and bustling about when he approached the door.
He was met there by Miss Keeper.
“Penrod,” she said, with as neutral a tone as she could muster, “You’re being assigned a new homeroom for the rest of the semester. You’re now to report to room 27F.”
Penrod was surprised, but by no means shocked, to be transferred from the homeroom with all the smartest children (including his friend Cad) to the one with all the misfits, truants, and world-class infantine delinquents. It seemed to him somehow a fitting fate.
For, like Prometheus, he had dared, in his callow way, to steal fire from the Gods; and
now the Gods were inexorably exacting their just portion.

One must not be driven to conclude, however, that the initiative was wholly a punitive
one. It was thought that if Penrod could somehow be separated from his friend Cad, then the Hauras boy, at least, might be saved. For it was clear, at least, to Miss Keeper, that Penrod was that most dreaded of children in the anthropologico-biologico-ecologico system of the school; he was a freak; a sport; a disruptive phenomenon.
In other words, a bad influence.
And so it was on that Monday that Penrod first entered and took a vacant seat at the rear of Room 27E, which was strangely, nay, ominously silent under the taciturn rule of the elderly and eagle-eyed Mrs. Gale. For that matriarch was well known to tyrannically wield a hefty steel ruler with the tacit (though unspoken) permission to utilize it to subdue rowdy sixth graders. However, one need not think, due to the disadvantages of her sex or the infirmities of her advanced age, that she was in any corporeal danger from any one of her charges. Had the matter come to a physical confrontation (which, in truth, it never did), she was a wiry and battle-hardened old woman, and almost certainly destined to prevail.
In fine, in the words of the more irreverent students, she was “A tough old bird.”
But, as is so often the case, the source of her strength was also her greatest weakness. She had lived a hard life in her girlhood, and adversity had made her strong. But it had also made her, at her most hidden core, a deeply, almost mawkishly
sentimental woman.
Upon this very topic the indubitably learned Carl Jung, he of the arcane pronouncements so beloved of the then–burgeoning counterculture with which Penrod was not (as of yet) wholly familiar, once opined that sentimentality is merely “a superstructure covering brutality.”
Whatever one may think of Dr. Jung’s assessment, in the case of Mrs. Gale, at least this much was true: her indubitable brutality was, in reality, a superstructure covering her inbred sentimentality.
In her over thirty-five years of uninterrupted service to the town, no student had ever
been keen-minded enough to have uncovered the well-concealed secret of this
pedagogical tyrant.
Penrod, almost entirely by accident, was to become the very first.
On Monday, then, Penrod entered for the first time his new home room and began to settle into the routine of being one of a number of ruthlessly disciplined misfits. The normative give and take of Miss Keeper’s home room class was replaced by Mrs. Gale’s old-school methodology: a stern, top-down, speak-only-when-spoken-to model in which rule by democratic consensus was replaced with the law of tyrants. It was ironic, Penrod might have reflected, that Mrs. Gale used a steel ruler, for she herself was a ruler of steel.

As Mrs. Gale made her perfunctory announcements regarding forthcoming school events, Penrod first sank into the sort of existential inanition found most frequently among death-row prisoners who, despairing of any further appeal to the highest court, are driven to meditate, through their barred windows, upon the sublime transcendence of neighboring seagulls. Such daydreaming, one suspects, is also to be found among rather simpleminded infants stoutly swaddled in their wooden cribs, gleefully content to stare, as yet uncomprehending, at bright wallpaper flocked with colorful pictures of chirping cartoon birds, cunning cartoon foxes, supine cartoon cats, growling cartoon dogs, and lovably furry cartoon bears.


Such, however, are the intermediate workings of the juvenile mind that, next, Penrod
sank from mere supine boredom to the more sublime variety practiced by cartoon
hillbillies content all the livelong day to rest on their porches and pat their otiose hound-dogs while keeping a weather eye upon the forest wherein they insist upon operating their illegal moonshine stills–keenly watching for the slightest rustling of the bushes which would signify the wholly unwelcome arrival of “revenooers” who would need to be chased off’n his property with an ever-ready double-barreled shotgun loaded and locked.
Had a humorously inclined Deity at this very moment transmuted Penrod into that
imaginary mountain man and, correspondingly, wordlessly whisked the hillbilly into the classroom, the boy would no doubt have happily hunkered down in the squalid rags of the country younker, while the unfortunate Appalachian would have undoubtedly been astonished to discover that the book-larnin’ he had so assiduously avoided during his youth was now arrived to torment him with a twenty-fold vengeance.


Fortunately, at least for the hillbilly, no such Divine intervention took place on that
occasion.


Penrod eventually roused himself from his torpor. Not blessed, by either genetics or
acculturation, to exist in a state of nothingness found primarily among Buddhist sages and, perhaps, in coma victims, he began to desperately peer around the room in an eager search for some type of stimulus to fire his otherwise utterly quenched neurons.


It was then that Penrod noticed that there were pictures in frames mounted above the
head of Mrs. Gale. When she seated herself behind her desk, as she often did, they were situated at about twelve inches above her steel-gray hair.


There were, in toto, eight of these pictures. Five of them were steel-cut engravings. Seven were of elderly men; and one, of a much younger man. Two of these men were wearing powdered wigs; one was a solemn, bearded chap; three were wearing spectacles. Of these latter three, the first was a steel-cut engraving of a man in a pince-nez whose dumpling face was split in a broad smile; the second was a steel-cut engraving of a rather prissy- looking white-haired man wearing glasses with no earpieces, and the third was a black and white photograph of a bespectacled old man of a rather sallow countenance with thinning white hair who was, nonetheless, depicted with a jaunty and infectious grin. Of the final two portraits, one was a color photograph of a younger fellow with a mop of brown hair and a somewhat haunted look, and, at the end of the row, one saw another color photograph of a rather fat-faced yet rangy old man with an enormous nose. Penrod, who was not unintelligent, knew full well who these high eminences were; had he not, it would have been a comparatively simple matter to determine that it was the practice of elementary schools to imbue the putative infant scholar with the aura of patriotic achievement that would, come what may, hopefully persist throughout the entire span of
his or her school years.


But Penrod did not truly know who Mssrs. Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Wilson,
Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson actually
were. He had not been paying close attention in those civics classes during
which it was considered the duty of the pedagogue to acquaint bright sixth-graders with the compelling lore of American politics and government. Therefore, it must be
confessed that such admittedly fascinating topics as Presidential primaries, the constitution, and the separation of powers were not at the forefront of any of Penrod’s thoughts at any time.


So Penrod, knowing only scattered bits and pieces regarding the life-stories of these
archetypal American figures, was free in his fancy to imagine a battle royal among these chief executives, and was therefore also free to begin to build the details of this fantasia nearly entirely from whole cloth.


Eight was a good number for such a contest, and he fell to pondering the likely matches in their preliminary rounds with an avid interest of a sports handicapper, and with a keen enthusiasm that he seldom deigned to apply to any of his more authorized studies.
In the first round, he decided, Gorgeous George Washington, Wild Man Lincoln,
“Professor” Wilson and Jaunty Johnny the “K” would be matched respectively against Tall Tom Jefferson, Terrible Teddy Roosevelt, Fightin’ FDR, and Landslide Lyndon Johnson.


Penrod determined that Washington, despite his later-life infirmities, would easily trounce Jefferson (he was at least that reverent towards the man widely known as the father of his country). Towering Honest Abe would almost certainly literally make short work of the game and scrappy, but utterly out-matched Teddy Roosevelt. The infirm Professor Wilson would appropriately have his overlarge head crushed in the strong arms of the wheelchair-bound but still feisty FDR. Regarding Kennedy and Johnson, Penrod wasn’t so certain as to the outcome, but he eventually decided that the late President’s emphasis on physical fitness would give him a psychological edge over the somewhat flaccid incumbent Texan.


Penrod next matched Washington against Lincoln (a draw, but with the advantage on
points accruing to the fisticuffs of the far less pacifistic Washington). The joust between Kennedy and FDR was really no contest at all, as the fit young man was readily able to overwhelm the aged and infirm elder chief executive.

In the final match to determine the championship, that between Washington and
Kennedy, the canny JFK warily circled the Father of Our Country, whose long arms and brutal yet determined expression betokened a long and drawn out conflict. Although the younger man had the pep, the older, battle-scarred general had the experience and the war-won brutality that made him a very serious and dangerous contender. Immediately, Washington lumbered forward headlong like a juggernaut into the startled Kennedy and, backing him up against the ropes, the overbearing behemoth lashed out with a ham-sized paw and hit Kennedy squarely in the….


“Mr. Andromalius, I am SPEAKING to you.”
Penrod blinked. He was now no longer ensconced in the catbird seat of an imaginary
gladiatorial arena, but once more sequestered within the stuffy confines of Mrs. Gale’s classroom.
“Come up here,” rasped Mrs. Gale.
Penrod complied.
“Hold out your hands,” said Mrs. Gale. “Palms down.”
Penrod did so, numbly, and very close to autonomically.
A sharp rap with a steel ruler upon the back of both hands soon set his knuckles stinging.
The sharp pain traveled at neuronic speed up his arm, and the annoyed and startled
Penrod said “Oww!”
Two more slaps with the ruler were the automatic response.
“Now go back to your desk, sit still, and pay attention,” said Mrs. Gale.
With a hurt and almost querulous look at Mrs. Gale, Penrod glumly complied.
As he walked back to his desk in the last row (the more obedient children got to sit near
the front), he glanced at the clock squarely to the right of the bell near the door.
To his utter amazement, only ten minutes had elapsed; a full forty minutes remained.

*1 SALUTATION
THE CHORDETTES
LOLLIPOP
https://youtu.be/3rYoRaxgOE0

ALSO SEE:
MILLIE SMALL
MY BOY LOLLIPOP
https://youtu.be/thqXD4Q0XB4

2*REFERENCE
LBJ & THE POPE
Since LBJ arrived at the Vatican on the day before Christmas Eve, Pope Paul’s gift to President Johnson did, in fact, reflect the holiday season. The Pope gave the President a stunning oil painting from the 15th Century – a Nativity scene featuring the Virgin Mary, Joseph, and the newborn baby Jesus being watched over by angels.

President Johnson, of course, had a gift for the Pope. To the amusement of the Pontiff and many others within the Vatican, LBJ gave Paul VI a bronze bust of an American President. Was it a likeness of George Washington? Thomas Jefferson? Abraham Lincoln? No. Was it a sculpture of John F. Kennedy, the nation’s first-and-only Catholic President, who had been assassinated just months in Paul VI’s pontificate?

No. Lyndon Johnson gave Pope Paul VI a bronze bust of…Lyndon Johnson. In a photograph capturing the exchange of gifts between the two leaders, the bemused expression on the Pope’s face pretty much says all that one needs to know about the gift bestowed upon him by LBJ.
deadpresidents.tumblr.com/post/83763201652/lbjs-unique-gift-to-pope-paul-vi

ALSO SEE:
THE YELLER ROSE OF TEXAS
Caro hilariously recounts how Johnson, during his whistle-stop tour of the South, would leave his microphone on as he pulled away from small towns like Greer, S.C. “The Yellow Rose of Texas” blared from the train’s loudspeakers, and Johnson’s mike would pick up his profane asides to assistant Bobby Baker: “Goodbye, Greer. God bless you, Greer. Bobby, turn off that ‘Yeller Rose.’ God bless you, Greer. Vote Democratic. Bobby, turn off that fuckin’ ‘Yeller Rose.'”
www.wweek.com/portland/article-19144-robert-a-caro-i-the-passage-of-power-i.html

SEE ALSO:
11 BIZARRE LBJ FACTS
earlybirdbooks.com/11-bizarre-facts-from-robert-caros-the-years-of-lyndon-johnson

3*HUMOR
FUNNY TEXTBOOK DRAWINGS
https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-textbook-drawings/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic

4*NOVELTY
WOMAN WHO LICKED ICE CREAM FACES 20 YEAR SENTENCE
www.unilad.co.uk/viral/woman-who-licked-tub-of-ice-cream-faces-up-to-20-years

ALSO SEE:
MARTIN & LEWIS
DON’T LICK IT
https://youtu.be/u-hl_AoIslc

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
PROVIDENCE NEO-NAZIS CRASH READING OF THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO
What is this–Weimar Germany?
www.thedailybeast.com/neo-nazis-crash-providence-red-ink-library-book-reading-with-swastika-flag

6* DAILY UTILITY
EXTORTION: HOW TO
https://dimenno.files.wordpress.com/2022/03/f8f80-rco019_1592170955.jpg

*7 CARTOON
RAY PETTIBON
WELCOME TO DALLAS
https://www.wright20.com/items/index/2000/145_1_20th_century_art_september_2017_raymond_pettibon_untitled_welcome_to_dallas__wright_auction.jpg?t=1503914816

8*PRESCRIPTION
SONGS ABOUT THE POPE
www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/papal-get-ready-songs-about-the-pope

9* RUMOR PATROL
THE MENACE OF HUGE SPONGES
www.wired.com/story/huge-sponges-are-eating-an-extinct-arctic-ecosystem/

10*LAGNIAPPE
MINUTEMEN
CORONA (EARLY VERSION)
https://youtu.be/Lk5HEM0nU5U

IT’S EXPECTED I’M GONE
https://youtu.be/SpGVPWnX8Ic

PARANOID TIME 7″
https://youtu.be/m0t9yezcVlo

11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
SOVIET Q & A
1) Soviet Ice Cream is the best.

2) Might I say Khrushchev? I had a major “Khrush” on him back in his shoe-pounding days.

3) I think I would finish constructing the White Sea Canal. Throwing good prisoners after bad? So be it.

4) My friend Bob Garbark told me a story about Comrade Stalin seeing a batch of flowers growing by the roadside. He cut them down with his cane and said, “There. All equal.”

5) I’ll have to go with turnips.

BONUS: Disassemble and reassemble my Kalashnikov, study the balletic stylings of Baryshnikov, plan the elimination of the Kulaks as a class–the usual. Also: look into Azerbaijan Artsakh.

12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE
TINA TURNER
Too often, Tina Turner sings like she’s squeezing out a turtle head.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj0wPrN_Y_4

THE INFORMATION #1192 MARCH 11, 2022

THE INFORMATION #1192
MARCH 11, 2022
Copyright 2022 FRANCIS DIMENNO
dimenno@gmail.com

https://dimenno.wordpress.com

There are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen–Lenin

CHAPTER X
THE MIND BLOWERS OF P.S. 101: PART FOUR
Once he had left the movie theatre and was back out on the street, 

Penrod was faced with a problem. By the time he would get home, 
it would be nearly five o’clock and his family would be just sitting down to their
traditional Sunday dinner, and wondering where he had gotten himself to for six hours.


He strained his powers of imagination to account for the delay.


He boarded the A line at Cross Country, but, not feeling quite up to the challenge of a
return trip along the same route as he had taken previously, he decided to change trains at the next stop, Bigtown. He noticed that many people who fit the description of factory workers were also boarding the B line north.


As he sat in the subway car on his way home, passing during the long trip home
successive flickering vistas of city, suburb, and backcountry, seen from subway stops named Mistake Island, Central Depot, and Arcadia, these were the stories he thought of telling:


An undercover policeman was being attacked by hippies and motorcycle hoodlums and desperately needed my help….


An old woman who was clobbered on the head by her drug-addicted grandson was
wandering the streets lost and trying to find her way home only she had forgotten her
address because she was senile and had amnesia….


A gang of youthful toughs waylaid me on my way to church and held me prisoner until I agreed to use drugs and help them commit robberies but I escaped….


A boy scout enlisted my help in getting a cat down from a tree only the cat scratched him and he fell out of the tree and broke his arm so I had to help get him to the hospital….


However, even if all these stories were somehow combined in a sort of master-narrative along the lines of the Mahabharata, these fanciful tales were, Penrod recognized, far too slender a reed to support an absence of several hours.


Penrod got off at the above-ground Arcadia stop and waited for the D line, which would take him back to Eden Prairie. As he waited, he took the time to ponder his predicament still further.


He could, of course, simply tell the truth and say he had decided to attend a double
feature. He could then shade the truth and say that this consisted of a program of
harmless animated films, such as those which were shown weekly at the local theatre. But his eleven-year-old dignity quailed at the prospect of admitting that he was still fond of cartoons.


However, his arrival home just happened to coincide with a telephone call from his Aunt Ida, who had to be met at the Gibsonia train station. When he walked in the door,
Penrod’s father simply said, “Ah, there you are,” and not one word was mentioned
regarding his extended absence, which, truth to tell, his father was unaware of; assuming, not unreasonably, that Penrod had returned promptly home from church and had either been in his room or holed up in his “office”.


And so it was that, upon catching sight of his son, Mr. Andromalius promptly enlisted
him to accompany him to the train station to pick up his Aunt and her luggage

Aunt Ida, the sister of Penrod’s father, was a woman of about 35 with dyed blonde hair
and a perpetually beaten-down look. She looked wan, and worried, and on the ride back to his house, her brother tried his best to cheer her up.


After they had arrived home, and while Aunt Ida was made comfortable in the family’s
guest room by her sister-in-law, and Niece, Penrod asked his father why Aunt Ida was
visiting.


“Well, son, your Aunt Ida isn’t feeling well. There’s been a miscarriage, and she’s very
sad about it.”


Penrod said nothing. But he was sure, in the way that even unintelligent children can
often discern with an uncanny sensibility some evasive attempt of adult concealment, that there was something he wasn’t being told.


He was correct; the entire story was being concealed from him, though not in the way or for the reasons he imagined. Penrod’s Aunt Ida and Uncle Russ had been trying to have a child for nearly ten years, and they thought that they had finally succeeded, but when a miscarriage occurred, both were devastated. Following this unhappy denouement,  Ida couldn’t bear to be in the same house with the baby furniture and clothing that had been purchased, and her husband thought it best that she spend a week with her older brother and his family. Like many men, Penrod’s father was not comfortable explaining to his son such adult concepts as the biological clock and post-partum depression, let alone the grief of losing a longed-for child.


Penrod decided to seek out the real story from his older sister, and, after she had helped Aunt Ida get settled into the guest room, he confronted her in her bedroom as she was wiping her face with a damp cloth and asked, “Pearl, why is Aunt Ida really here?”


“Well,” said his sister Pearl, with an instinctive if not yet wholly innate feminine
sympathy, “She’s very sad because she just lost her baby.”


“It isn’t because Uncle Russ is on drugs, is it?”


“My God, no! Uncle Russ is a football coach at the parochial school and a lector at the Catholic Church! He won’t even take so much as an aspirin! Where on earth do you get such crazy ideas?”


“Well, I just had a feeling that there was something that Dad didn’t want to tell me.”

“Well, your father is very preoccupied right now. He’s been given a job offer to teach
business ethics and marketing over at Ivy College. He’s not sure if he should take it,
though, because it would mean an awful lot of extra work, and the money isn’t all that
great. He’d only be an adjunct Professor at first, and they don’t get a yearly salary; they get paid by the semester. So he wouldn’t be earning enough yet to be able to quit his job, so he’d basically be working nearly all the time, which he does anyway. And now, with his sister coming, he feels as though he might have to turn the offer down, even though he wouldn’t even start until the middle of July. He’s not sure he could put together a college-level course in a couple of months. But he can’t stall them too long, because Ivy is a very prestigious college, and they could always get somebody else to do it. You can see where he might be a bit worried about it. If he hasn’t mentioned it, then maybe it was because he didn’t see the point of burdening you with too much information.”


The explanation seemed outwardly plausible, but Penrod, with the instincts of a forensic pathologist coupled with the brimming mind of a born conspiracy theorist, was nonetheless convinced that some key item of information that was being concealed from him; with it, he could crack the case wide open, and without it, the matter would remain forever buried in a metaphoric landfill of evidentiary rubbish.


Furthermore, Penrod did not fully understand the implications of the word “miscarriage” as it related to human sexuality; he thought that what he was being told was that somehow a miscarriage of justice had been or was currently being perpetuated, but that, for some reason, he wasn’t considered mature enough to be let in on the prima fasciae cause for the “loss” of the infant.


His sister Pearl noted his perplexity, and, herself remembering how little she had understood of adult matters at the age of eleven, said to him, consolingly, “Now, you be extra nice to Aunt Ida while she’s here. She’s very fond of you, and if you spend some time with her I think that you can really help to lift her spirits.”


Penrod, mindful of the events at the school on the previous day, and cognizant that to a certain extent he was still held in the limbo of familial regard known to his kinfolk as
“being in the doghouse,” thereupon shrewdly decided not to risk pressing the point any further and, therefore, assented readily to his sister’s kindly suggestion.


But he was entirely convinced that some great criminal wrong had been committed and that it was in his own best interest, whatever the risk, to uncover once and for all the scalding, devastating truth.


For Penrod’s still-immature analysis of the wider world had largely been formed by
insipid and pro forma television dramas, mediocre motion picture melodramas, comic
books, and the other varieties of the pulp literature of the day, and, as such, he could only conceive of great events unfolding in the context of several familiar conventions:

That seeming so-called friends nearly always turn out to be venal marvels of duplicity
and arch-villains of betrayal, who were at the mere drop of a hat willing and often eager to sell you out and even frame you for some dastardly crime.

That, as a corollary, the fickle mob in general has an innate and disquieting tendency to suddenly turn upon a righteous man at any moment and for any reason.

That sometimes, nonetheless, a man had to play a lone hand and go up against all of the powers that be in order to uncover the hidden truth of a matter.

And, most of all, that upon the success of the quixotic lone wolf and his lonesome and doomed quest for answers, liars were invariably exposed and the moral universe was always, upon the complete exposure of their proven deceptions, restored forthwith to its proper ambit.    

*1 SALUTATION

LAURA NYRO

BEADS OF SWEAT

2*REFERENCE

AMAZING FACTS

GOATS HAVE RECTANGULAR PUPILS

www.mentalfloss.com/article/508255/amazing-facts-people-who-amazing-facts?utm_source=digg

3*HUMOR

SASSY’S SASSIEST BOYS

https://youtu.be/dW223heMb5c

4*NOVELTY
FAULKNER VS. OLD LADIES

www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/07/-the-ode-on-a-grecian-urn-is-worth-any-number-of-old-ladies/259392/

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST

CHRIS BELL

I AM THE COSMOS

6* DAILY UTILITY

DEVO

JOCKO HOMO

*7 CARTOON

STUFFY DURMA

HOBO HOOTENANNY

https://youtu.be/-ue-0fcR_CU


8*PRESCRIPTION

OVER/UNDER: THE KINKS

magnetmagazine.com/2009/04/14/the-overunder-the-kinks/

9* RUMOR PATROL

COVID DEATHS

So far approximately 777,000 people have died from COVID-19 in the USA. That is about 0.25 percent of the total US population as of 2021 according to census. How does that justify lockdowns and mandatory vaccinations when it is so mild?
antiqanon.quora.com/?__ni__=0&__nsrc__=4&__snid3__=32396403873&__tiids__=53201398#anchor

ALSO SEE:

SECOND BOOSTER

abc11.com/covid-vaccine-booster-shot-4th-dose/11542086/

10*LAGNIAPPE

PAUL WESTERBERG

AS FAR AS I KNOW

THE REPLACEMENTS

TAKE ME DOWN TO THE HOSPITAL


11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA

THE SAGA OF MARVIN JELLO
https://dyn1.heritagestatic.com/lf?set=path%5B1%2F4%2F5%2F2%2F3%2F14523102%5D&call=url%5Bfile%3Aproduct.chain%5D

*11A BOOKS READ AND REVIEWED

1984: THE GRAPHIC NOVEL. NESTI. ****1/2

AMERICAN TRAMP & UNDERWORLD SLANG. IRWIN. ****1/2

AVENGERS: ENTER THE PHOENIX. ***1/2

BATTLE FOR THE SOUL. DOVERE. ****1/2

FREE SPEECH HANDBOOK. ROSENBERG & CAVALLERO. ****1/2

THE FREE WORLD. MENAND. ****1/2

HAKIM’S ODYSSEY. BOOK ONE. TOULME. ****1/2

THE HOBO HANDBOOK. MACK. ***1/2

IRON MAN BY MIKE GRELL: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION. ***1/2

THE JOKER 1. ****

MARVEL SNAPSHOTS. ***1/2

THE MARVELS PROJECT. BRUBAKER. ***1/2

THE MIDDLE AGES: A GRAPHIC HISTORY. JANEGA & EMMANUEL. ****

MURDER BOOK. CAMPBELL. ****

THE OTHER HISTORY OF THE DC UNIVERSE. RIDLEY. ***1/2

PARABLE OF THE SOWER. DUFFY & JENNINGS. ***1/2

PROCTOR VALLEY ROAD. MORRISON. ***1/2

SAPIENS: A GRAPHIC HISTORY VOLUME 2. HARARI. ****

SFSX 2. HORN ET AL. ***1/2

SMALLTIME. SHORTO. ****

SQUADRON SUPREME. GRUENWALD. ***

SUICIDE SQUAD: BAD BLOOD. ****

SWEET TOOTH: THE RETURN. LEMIRE. ***1/2

UNTOLD TALES OF SPIDER-MAN VOLUME ONE. BUSIEK. ***1/2

WE HEREBY REFUSE. ABD & NIMURA. ****


12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE

VIETNAM AND CHILDREN’S TOYS

In 1965, when the United States sent ground troops to Vietnam. the most-advertised toy was the Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots, in which two invariable foes inexorably fought it out.

https://youtu.be/nHMr–MkJOI

By 1967, the shifting nature of Guerilla warfare seemed to call for a more chaotic response, hence: Battling Tops.
https://youtu.be/7u6VqzEjLIQ

ALSO SEE:

LOST TOY COMMERCIALS OF THE 50S AND 60S