THE INFORMATION #1035 MARCH 8, 2019

THE INFORMATION #1035

MARCH 8, 2019
Copyright 2019 FRANCIS DIMENNO
dimenno@gmail.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

From the discussion of the facts themselves we shall render the hearer well-disposed by extolling our own cause with praise and by contemptuously disparaging that of our adversaries.– The Rhetorica ad Herennium   

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER TWELVE: PART FIFTY-TWO: THE EASTERN GATE OF PARADISE

“So how do come to know all these things?” said Billy Batchelder Tallent.


“I keep my mouth shut, and my ears wide open,” said Glen Phillips. “And I don’t waste one iota of a second moaning about what might have been. You see them everywhere, those sorts of people. Grousing about how they were handed a raw deal in life. How people let them down. They were born under a bad star. God is out to get them. And the like. Personally, I don’t thing God Almighty His Own Self gives one fart in Hell about what any of them, or, for that matter, any of us do, if you’ll pardon the expression. I think life is what you yourself are able to make of it. It sounds like simple common sense, but you’d be surprised how many people simply cannot get that fact through their thick skulls. Like women. Always beefing about the guy they coulda married. How do they know they’d have been any happier with them? They don’t, but it simply won’t do to remind them of that simple fact. Like most people, once they get a notion in their heads about how things ought to go and how other people ought to do things, that there is a notion that’s harder to cure than the cholera. Like a dog returneth to his vomit, and all that. People just keep making the same mistakes over and over, expecting a different result. Your gambler is convinced he has a lucky number. Your stock speculator wagers he’ll make a killing. Your common crook figures he’ll be able to get away with the same crime over and over again. 


“How do I know these things? Oh, I’ve been hanging out in my Pappy’s newsroom. A lot. Ever since I was old enough to see over the counter. My Pa don’t mind. Figures that me being exposed to the low-life will make me a well-rounded man. I can’t take much issue with that. I may not have ink in my blood, but I do know what a whole lot of nines are. And, any way you add it up, in spite of what I just said, some folks seem to be born to get a crummy deal, and no amount of palavering on their part will ever rectify the situation. 


“Reporters, and policemen too, are just about the most cynical Gees I know. And they got every reason to be. A lot of policemen are softies, you know, underneath it all. They always look out after the welfare of little girls, and ladies, and babes in arms. But they’re hell on tough guys. They might give Honest Joe Citizen an even break, and they might let Mr. Society Swell off with a warning. But let them come across come common thug with a pork-pie hat, and let the sullen Bluto give him some lip, and they’ll whale the bejazus out of him, by Golly, and there ain’t no one from the Police Commissioner on down is going to say boo to him.  To adopt the vernacular of the streets.


“Just as in nature, some animals are born and made to be victims. The Broadway B’hoy is one of them. With his stupid plug hat, and his idiotic schemes for getting rich quick–although the sums we are talking about would be pitifully laughable to a true man of affairs–and his doltish G’hal ever by his side, he is currently being made much of on the stages of some of our finest slums. Why? I guess because every age needs a clown to laugh at. Back in the olden days, it was the Village Idiot. In the future? Who knows? The Irishman may fall out of vogue as a figure of fun, only to be replaced by some querulous Hunky, or down-at-the-heels Welchman. 


“The man who says that all he knows is what he reads in the papers is a goddamned fool. And a reporter would be the first to tell him as much, assuming there was any percentage in wising up a sucker, which there isn’t. Reporters never report one tenth of what they see and know. If one of them ever goes off the reservation and writes a book, you should be sure to pick it up. Even though most of them write abominably. They’re always twisting the facts to fit the frame, so it comes as no surprise that they end up being less and less accurate about more and more. With the way some of them drink, it’s a wonder some of them can even spell their own name, let alone report on a Tong War in Chinatown and not mix up all the Chins with the Chings… and the Wangs with the Fangs. 


“I’ll tell you something I’ve noticed about reporters–on the surface they’re cynical, yet underneath they’re even more cynical–except, maybe, when it comes to dogs in general, and the underdog in particular. In general, they look on the sufferings of downtrodden humanity as great sob stuff, and fodder fit to fill a line or two in the paper. Nothing more. But every now and again some damn fool will come along with a cause, and the more hopeless the odds, the more the newsboys will root for that man, if only to fill reams of foolscap when the freak takes a dive and lands face-first in the gutter. And then they’ll send up a big haw-haw with all the rest of them.  


“Don’t get me wrong, Mawny. This may not be the world which I would have chosen for myself, but it’s the world I have to live in. In my world, being, as I am, a so-called child of privilege, I have to be constantly aware. Not a day goes by that I’m not made aware of my responsibilities. Perhaps that’s why I accept the commonplace debaucheries of my age as standard fare. Why shouldn’t I?”


“As for you–why, if you haven’t yet learned to do so, you will…soon enough.”  

1* SALUTATION
PREFAB SPROUT

STEVE MCQUEEN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlFyqniT34U

2*REFERENCE
LIBRARIAN’S INTERNET INDEX
http://www.lii.org

ALSO SEE:
USEFUL POLITICAL SITES
http://www.cdc.gov
http://www.consumerreports.org
http://www.opensecrets.org
http://www.cbo.gov  
http://www.kff.org
http://www.bls.gov
http://www.census.gov
http://www.eia.doe.gov
http://www.quackwatch.org
http://www.gao.gov


3*HUMOR
GUY DE MAUPASSANT

BOULE DE SUIF

https://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/m/maupassant/guy/boule-de-suif/

4*NOVELTY

JORDAN MAXWELL

MAGIC DOMINATES THE WORLD!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHJrnOfeWng


ILLUMINATI & THE BLACK MAGIC UNDERWORLD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHBmBWeUwsE


MATRIX OF POWER

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-cb1P-lZ_4

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST

SYNARCHY: INSTRUMENT OF THE NEW UNDERWORLD ORDER

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p72hgRq7i28


6* DAILY UTILITY

THE CLASS CEILING
www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2019/02/class-ceiling-laurison-friedman-elite-jobs/582175/

7*CARTOON
THE GIRL ON THE MOTORCYCLE (1968)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExYtLHMNd3o


8*PRESCRIPTION

THE PORNOGRAPHY MENACE (1965)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JDgSBju7JM

9* RUMOR PATROL

CONSPIRACY

http://www.conspiracyarchive.com


ALSO SEE:

http://www.21stcenturywire.com


10*LAGNIAPPE

I’VE NEVER SEEN A STRAIGHT BANANA

WHISPERING JACK SMITH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyG817Lp-Gk


THE COLUMBIANS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxg_imFyJI0


TED WAITE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MTv2kyFQ7o

11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA

SOME BULLSHIT EXCUSES FOR MICHAEL JACKSON

slate.com/culture/2019/02/michael-jackson-leaving-neverland-cancel-culture-metoo.html

ALSO SEE:

MICHAEL JACKSON ACCUSERS

“He knew what he was doing,” Safechuck says. “He has a way of sensing weakness in families. He has a really good sense of people and can read people really well. First, I think he’s physically attracted to the kid, and then he reads the family and just knows how to work it.”



Both men claim Jackson never wore condoms during their sex acts. They allege he often plied them with alcohol and pornography before molesting them, and even recorded one of his sexual encounters with Safechuck.



One of the most disturbing anecdotes in “Leaving Neverland” is that Jackson allegedly staged a mock wedding ceremony with Safechuck when the boy was 10, exchanging vows and rings in his bedroom.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/tv/2019/02/21/michael-jackson-accusers-allege-sex-tape-women-shaming-new-interview/2912005002/


*11A BOOKS READ AND REVIEWED 

ALAMO ALL-STARS. HALE. ****

AQUAMAN 4: WAR FOR THE THRONE. ***1/2

AWKWARD. CHMAKOVA. ***1/2

BEFORE THE DELUGE. FRIEDRICH. ****1/2

BELONGING. KRUG. ****

BLACK DAHLIA. GEARY. ****1/2

BLACK PANTHER 5. AVENGERS OF THE NEW WORLD PART 2. ***1/2

BOULE DE SUIF & OTHER STORIES. DE MAUPASSANT. ****1/2

BRAVE. CHMAKOVA. ***1/2

CLOAK & DAGGER. SHADES OF GREY. **1/2

CORAL REEFS. WICKS. ***1/2

CRYPTOSCATOLOGY. GUFFEY. ****

DEAD WEIGHT. BLAS, ETAL. ***

DEADPOOL 1. MERCIN’ HARD FOR THE MONEY. ***1/2

THE DEATH OF DEMOCRACY. HETT. ****1/2

DOGS. HIRSH. ****

THE ELECTRIC STATE. STALENHAG. *****

THE FAKE REVOLT. LEGMAN. ****

GIDEON FALLS 1. THE BLACK BARN. LEMIRE & SORRENTINO. ****

GUNSLINGER: 50TH ANNIV. ED. DORN. ****1/2

THE HACKING OF THE AMERICAN MIND. LUSTIG. ***1/2

HARLEY QUINN 5. VOTE HARLEY. ***1/2

HORIZONTAL COLLABORATION. GORDON. ***1/2

H.P. LOVECRAFT. NIKOLAVITCH & GERVASIO. ****

I HEAR THE SUNSPOT 1 & 2. FUMINO. ***

INJUSTICE 2. VOLUME 3. ****

INSIDE THE LIVE REPTILE TENT. BROUWS & CARON. ****

JAMES BROWN: BLACK AND PROUD. FAUTHOUX. ***1/2

JFK & THE UNSPEAKABLE. DOUGLASS. ****1/2

LAST PICK 1. WALZ. ***1/2

MEAL. DELLIQUANTI & HO. ***1/2

MINDSET. DWECK. ***1/2

MOON GIRL & THE MARVEL UNIVERSE. **1/2

MOON GIRL & DEVIL DINOSAUR 6. SAVE OUR SCHOOL. ***

MOTHERLANDS. ***1/2

NEW CHALLENGERS 1. ***

PAPER GIRLS 5. VAUGHN. ***1/2

PARKER 1: THE HUNTER. COOKE. ****1/2

PARKER 2: THE OURFIT. COOKE. ****1/2

PARKER 3: THE SCORE. COOKE. ****1/2

PARKER 4: SLAYGROUND. COOKE. ****1/2

PHILIP K. DICK; A COMICS BIOGRAPHY. QUEYSSI & MARCHESE. ****1/2

PLAGUES. KOCH. ***1/2

POLAR BEARS: SURVIVAL ON THE ICE. VIOLA & GIALLONGO. ****

THE POWER OF THE DARK CRYSTAL 2. ***1/2

REDLANDS 1: SISTERS BY BLOOD. BELLAIRE & DEL REY. ****

REDLINE. HOLAMN. ****

ROCKETS: DEFYING GRAVITY. DROZD & DROZD. ****

SHADE THE CHANGING GIRL 2: LITTLE RUNAWAY. ****

SHARKS: NATURE’S PERFECT PREDATORS. FLOOD. ***1/2

TALES FROM THE INNER CITY. TAN. ****

TEEN TITANS GO! THEIR GREATEST HIJINKS. ***

THEATRE OF FEAR & HORROR. GORDON. ***1/2

TREES: KINGS OF THE FOREST. HIRSCH. ****

TSU & THE OUTLIERS. JOHNSON. ***1/2

TUMULT. DUNNING & KENNEDY. ***1/2

TWILIGHTB OF THE GODS. HYDEN. ***1/2

UNDOCUMENTED: A WORKER’S FIGHT. TONATIUH. ****

THE UNDERGROUND ABDUCTOR. HALE. ****

UNSPUN. JACKSON & JAMIESON. ****1/2

VOLUPTUOUS PANIC. GORDON. ****

THE WITCH BOY. OSTERTAG. ****

WONDER WOMAN 7. AMAZONS ATTACKED. ***1/2


12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE YOGI ‘n’ HIS PALS in:
DALLAS ‘N’ BLUNDERLAND

Also featuring:
Magilla Gorilla as “Jack Ruby.”
Secret Squirrel as “Allen Dulles.” 
Top Cat as “Nelson Rockefeller.” The Nearsighted Mister Magoo as “Earl Warren.”Quick Draw McGraw and Baba Looie as “The Secret Service Agents”
And Chopper, Hokey Wolf, and special guest star Wile E. Coyote as “The Three Tramps”.

And Introducing:
Wally Gator as “David Ferrie.” ” He’s the latest and the greatest in the swamp!”

The scene: The sixth floor of The Texas Schoolbook Depository. A Calendar on the wall reads NOVEMBER 22. We pan past rows of boxes. Whimsical music.

Boo-Boo says, “Gosh, Yogi–it sure is cold!”

Yogi Bear replies, “NYAY HAY HAY HEE, Boo-Boo. Pretty soon, it’ll be mighty HOT in HERE!”

Yogi Bear unpacks a rifle from a box marked “Acme.”

Boo Boo as Oswald, points the rifle out window at the Presidential Motorcade. 

Yogi Bear says, “Go ahead, Boo-Boo. Pull the trigger.” 

Boo-Boo says, “I don’t think the Ranger will like that, Yogi.” 

Yogi replies, “So who cares about the Ranger? Vice-President Johnson says John-John stole our pic-a-nic basket!”

Boo-Boo pulls the trigger, but on the first try, the rifle produces a flag on a stick that says “Bang!”

Boo-Boo pulls the trigger again and again, but nothing happens.

Impatiently, Yogi says to Boo-Boo, “Here, Boo-Boo– give ME that rifle!” 

He aims it at himself, and it blows his head off with a loud BANG. 

A half-second later, his head reappears. “NYAY HAY HAY HEE, Boo-Boo–I guess it WAS loaded!” 

Cut to the Presidential Motorcade. Shots ring out. JFK’s head snaps back. Cartoon sound: “BOINNGGG!!!” Laugh track swells.

When JFK is shot, it looks as though his face is blackened with soot. He sprouts a huge bone in his nose, grows a pair of huge rubbery lips, and keels over. 

As JFK is felled by the kill shot, we hear a snippet of Sinatra singing “Ain’t That a Kick in the Head.”

Jackie hears the shots and goes “Duh-ooooh” and you hear the cartoon sound of her running feet. She levitates for a couple of seconds while her feet spin around and make a whirring noise. While in midair, Jackie looks at the camera and says, in the voice of Snaggleppuss, “Exit–stage right!”

Two cars back, Droopy Dog, as LBJ, on hearing the shots, smiles, showing all his teeth, and you see a miniature gleam and hear a little pinging “ding” noise. 

Cut to the Onassis yacht. On hearing the news over the radio, Onassis also shows a gleaming smile with the accompanying ping. Cue rising laugh track.

Cut to an African island. On hearing the news, Fritz, of the Katzenjammer Kids, rubs his belly and says, “Mein shtomack don’t feel so goot.” Mama is crying. The Captain and Der Professor show gleaming smiles. Laugh track swells.

Cut to the Situation Room in the West Wing basement of the White House. We see General Curtis LeMay, portrayed by Dick Dastardly. On hearing the news, he lights a celebratory cigar. It blows up in his face, and we see an atomic mushroom cloud. His dog Muttley, who has Castro’s cap and beard, gives a whickering laugh.

Richard Nixon stands behind Dastardly and Muttley. Tape recording equipment is conspicuously running. It’s a little Flintstones Bird with a chisel beak, cutting a phonograph record. The Bird pauses and says, “Hey–don’t knock it–it’s a job!” Laugh track swells.

Cut to a cabin in Air Force One. LBJ, as portrayed by Droopy Dog, is looking sad. As he is sworn in as President, he transforms into The Wolf, and says , says, in his inimitable drawl, “You know what? I’m very happy,” He howls triumphantly, firing two pistols in the air. Jackie reprises her “running” routine. Laugh track swells. Cue travel music (Offenbach’s “Orpheus in the Underworld”) as we see a map of the world. Jackie’s figure, represented by a dotted line, runs all the way from Dallas to the Atlantic Ocean. Then Jackie, still represented by the dotted line, crosses the Atlantic Ocean and ends up on Aristotle Onassis’s yacht, moored in the Greek islands.

Cut to the JFK Funeral. John-John salutes the casket and cartoon instrumentals make the sound of a snickering laugh: “Wa wa wa wa wa wa wahh wahh.”

Cut to New Orleans, where Jim Garrison’s investigation is impeded by the lovable antics of Scooby-Doo, who destroys important files while looking for a Scooby Snack. 

Cut to Arlington Cemetery. General Curtis LeMay, portrayed by Dick Dastardly, lights his cigar on The Eternal Flame. It blows up in his face. This time we see a hydrogen bomb cloud. His dog, Muttley, gives another whickering laugh. Cartoon instrumental music: “Wa wa wa wa wa wa wahh wahh.” 

CLOSE IRIS.

Th-th-th-th That’s All, Folks!  

[With a tip of the Hatlo Hat to Bernie the Attorney & Rick the Deek.]

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MODERN WISDOM NUMBER 248 MARCH 2019

MODERN WISDOM NUMBER 248

MARCH 2019

Copyright 2019 Francis DiMenno

dimenno@gmail.com

http://www.dimenno.wordpress.com  

1. NOIR MISFORTUNE COOKIES

SECOND SERIES

651. Your dog will eat right out of your hand. And your foot.

652. Sorry for your loss. Now it’s your turn to die.

653. Your cloudy eyes can no longer see the Money Wheel.

654. You ask too many nosy questions; you made the Big Man sore.

655. The cops were laughing for days over your stupid alibi.

656. Fitness regimen? Everyone knows you lost your driver’s license, lusho.

657. Russian prison tattoos mark you as an evil desperado, Tovarich.

658. If you think they’re not watching your every move, think again.

659. The way you play backgammon virtually screams “ex-con”.

660. They have replaced you with a robot…and now you’re a junkie.

661. Don’t be a hero. Tougher mugs than you have spilled their guts.

662. Loudmouth, your stupid voice will soon be stilled…forevermore.

663. You have only the virtue of your uncontrollable vices.

664. You will become the helpless thrall of a hypnotic villain.

665. In a past life you were no king, but a mere churl.

666. You were born on a mountaintop but will die in the gutter.

667. They will not read your your rights. They will read you your rites.

668. You will plead the Fifth. They will give you the Third…degree.

669. Your judge will be a devout Christian who hates all your kind.

670. Your rights? You have no rights that any man is bound to respect.

671. Your novel ideas about getting one over are thirty years out of date.

672. They can tell by the way you dress that you’re a Police Character.

673. You will be charged with disturbing the peace & resisting arrest -in your sleep.

674. They would tap your phone–only you can’t afford one.

675. They know that even your dreams are of criminal enterprises.

676. The world needs a fall guy–and you’ve been selected, chump.

677. They’ll get you for something you didn’t do, and they won’t be sorry.

678. You might get sober if you stopped pouring whiskey on your corn flakes.

679. Your worldly goods consist of a shiv and a carton of smokes.

680. They will catch you in the act of smashing a bag of kittens with a hammer.

681. You can intimidate the eyewitnesses but you can’t intimidate the camera.

682. Your greasy fingerprints will prove your downfall, Fatso.

683. You were too cheap to throw away your bloody shirt. Now you’ll fry.

684. Your court-appointed lawyer has an unpleasantly loud stammer.

685. The cute store clerk you’re wooing has a boyfriend named Crazy Gorilla.

686. Your Klan buddies are convinced you’re passing for white.

687. You won’t be part of a Dynasty. You will die nasty.

688. Look! Up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No–it’s a police helicopter.

689. You were burned in a dope deal. Now the Hell’s Angels want their money.

690. Your friend the smiling bartender is a vindictive Lesbian.

691. They will say your claims of victimhood are false, and arrest YOU.

692. Even dumb crooks think you’re the poster boy for dumb crooks.

693. That winking prostitute you patronize is an undercover Vice Cop.

694. You are trapped in a world of Made Men you never made.

695. They call you Rocky because you are as dumb as a bag of rocks.

696. You have no method. You only have Methedrine.

697. Someday you will dream of all that good food in jail.

698. Your drugstore will no longer sell you your favorite mouthwash.

699. You are a Bad Actor and soon you will be a Chopped Ham.

700. You have all the instincts of an ape…but none of the intelligence.

2.  MODERN WISDOM

I threw out all my oily rags. They fail to spontaneously combust joy.

Good old Jesus, that wacky Social Engineer! Ha ha ha! Just ignore Him!

The current climate in this country is one of totalitarian bullying. I say that it’s time for a strong man to come along and put a stop to it once and for all.

Dead White Males have nothing to say to me. I only read books by Native Americans.

Don’t stop believing. For that matter, don’t start thinking.

Nightclubs are a gulag for hipsters.

When are we going to cut off all those warfare chiselers who’ve been draining our treasury for so long? We just can’t afford them!

Revenge is sweet. But I’d rather have ice cream. Mmm. Ice cream!

For close to 90 years, Popeye and Bluto have really been fighting over a boy.

Crack is cocaine in its cheap, smokeable form. But isn’t booze just ethanol in its expensive, drinkable form?

3. 

PRETTY BIRD
A PLAY in One Act
By Francis DiMenno

I-a

THE SCENE: An invalid’s sickroom.

THE CHARACTERS: 

Herman, an invalid.

Doris, his wife.

Pretty Bird, an African Grey Parrot

 I-i


(HERMAN, a man in his early sixties, is lying in bed, proper up on pillows, in a room with flowers and a television, which is playing with the sound off. The family parrot, PRETTY BIRD, is positioned on his perch.)

HERMAN  

World War Two. Korea. Vietnam. We come this far. For what?

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

To be laid low by a lousy parrot. For what.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

She had to buy a lousy parrot. For what.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                      HERMAN

I could of bought a van.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

I had to marry a party gal.

I-ii

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Pretty Bird.

                                      HERMAN

She’d always rub her eyes when she woke up in the morning.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

Heh heh. She looked like Airedale with a hare-lip.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

I’d say, hey Baby, do you want to go out dancing? And she’d say, ‘Would I! Would I!”

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Mrrrrrawwwwwwwk!

                                      HERMAN

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.”

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Mrrrrrawwwwwwwk!

                                      HERMAN

What a lie.

I-iii

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Pretty Bird.

                                      HERMAN

I was in two wars. Fear’s nothin’.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

Hate. Hate is what you got to watch out for.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                      HERMAN

Exactly.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

No, not exactly.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Pretty Bird.

                                      HERMAN

I mean, why do people ride roller coasters?

I-iv

PRETTY BIRD

Mrrrrrawwwwwk!

                                      HERMAN

Why do people rob banks?

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Pretty Bird.

                                      HERMAN

I had to marry a party girl.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Would I? Would I?

                                      HERMAN

That’s what she said.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Pretty Bird. Pretty Bird. Pretty Bird.

                                      HERMAN

It’s the anxiety that gets yuh.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

“Rah rah ree—kick ‘em in the knee. Rah rah rass—kick ‘em in the other knee.”

I-v

PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

Waving the pom-poms and sis boom bah.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

This was before you were born.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

Yes, yes it was. I remember when we got you. It was the day before Easter Sunday. You were in a hat box with a pink ribbon.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

There’s no use trying to deny it. I remember. I remember all too well.

                                       PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

We went broke buying you birdseed. But we were happy.

I-vi

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

You should know. You were there.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

But not before.

                                      PRETTY BIRD.

No.

                                      HERMAN

Hah! I gotcha!

                                      PRETTY BIRD

April fool, April fool.

                                      HERMAN

No, stupid, that was yesterday….Or was it the day before?

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

Of course it was. I’m not that old….Not yet.

I-vii

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hooray for the Dodgers!

                                      HERMAN

I remember the Dodgers.

PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

I even remember when they were the Brooklyn Dodgers.

                                      PRETTY BIRD.

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

The Japs. The Japs never got around to memorizin’ their line-up.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

Memorize it? They couldn’t even say it!

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

Sayonara.

I-viii

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

No. Sayonara means goodbye.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                      HERMAN

Say “Sayonara”.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                      HERMAN

Say “Sayonara”.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                      HERMAN

I hate to crap out on you.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

I’m feeling really lousy.

I-ix

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

I hope I’m not out of line.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

Who took my glass of water?

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Pretty Bird.

                                      HERMAN

I guess you’re thirty after eatin’ all them crackers.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

Yeahhh, that’s OK.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Mrrrrwaaaak!

                                      HERMAN

You need your water.

I-x

PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

I need to get some sleep.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                      HERMAN

I can’t go to sleep on an empty stomach….But they won’t let me eat nothin’.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                      HERMAN

I wish I could go beddy-bye. I just can’t seem to get comfortable.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                      HERMAN

It’s about time for me to check out.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

What are ya talkin’, it was one of your fleas that bit me, I’ll betcha.

I-xi

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

It’s no use tryin’ to deny it, ya beak-nosed son-of-a-bitch.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

Ya might as well level with me. Who put you up to it?

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

It was her, wasn’t it? I’ll bet it was her.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hooray for the Dodgers.

                                      HERMAN

Don’t change the subject. She was a pom-pom girl.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

How do you know? One thing I hate is a smart aleck.

I-xii

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Mrrrrwwwwwk!

                                      HERMAN

I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Mrrrrwwwwwk!

                                      HERMAN

Listen—that’s easy for you to say!

                                      PRETTY BIRD

God bless General Eisenhower!

                                       HERMAN

Yeah, God bless ‘im.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                      HERMAN

And God bless Douglas MacArthur, too.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

Who are you kiddin’? You never heard of MacArthur.

I-xiii

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No.

                                      HERMAN

Boy, he was somethin’.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hooray for the Dodgers.

                                      HERMAN

Yeah, they were good too.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

I remember ‘em before they moved to California.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Yes.

                                      HERMAN

Of course, you weren’t around then.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Goodbye.

                                       HERMAN

You weren’t in the picture until later.

I-xiv

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

And that’s the first thing you said to us, too.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

I wonder who taught you to say that.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

That’s all you ever said. For a long time.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

It was driving me crazy. I had to get out of the house, That was why. She wasn’t so bad.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

I wanted to wring your scrawny little neck.

I-xv

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

If I wasn’t afraid of what Doris might do.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

She’s got a temper on her.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

HERMAN

Still does. She woulda never talked to me again. That wouldn’t of been so bad.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

Shut up.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

Shut up.

I-xvi

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

What’s the use.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

Say “Sayonara”.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Shut up.

                                      HERMAN

Say “Sayonara”.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Shut up.

                                      HERMAN

You shut up.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

You shut up.

                                      HERMAN

No, YOU shut up.

I-xvii

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No, YOU shut up.

                                      HERMAN

Say “Sayonara”.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

No, YOU shut up.

                                      HERMAN

She couldn’t even pick a decent pet. She had to get a lousy parrot.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

Not even an educated parrot.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

Not even a parrot that can swear.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN

A lousy flea-bitten parrot.

I-xviii

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Shut up.

                                      HERMAN

The truth hurts, don’t it?

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Shut up.

                                      HERMAN

Yeah, the truth hurts.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Shut up.

                                      HERMAN

Go to hell.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Shut up.

                                      HERMAN

Go to hell.

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Go to hell.

                                      HERMAN

That’s where you’re going.

I-xix

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Hello.

                                      HERMAN                                                                                                   (Springing out of bed)

That does it!

                             (Starts shaking the perch, feebly)

                                      PRETTY BIRD

Help! Murder! Police! Help! Murder! Police! Help! Murder! Police!

                                      DORIS

                                  (From offstage.)

HERMAN! You leave Pretty Bird alone!

                                      HERMAN

                     (Grumbles. Crawls back into bed.)

THE INFORMATION #1034 MARCH 1, 2019

THE INFORMATION #1034
MARCH 1, 2019
Copyright 2019 FRANCIS DIMENNO

dimenno@gmail.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

“Just look at us. Everything is backwards, everything is upside down. Doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, psychiatrists destroy minds, scientists destroy truth, major media destroys information, religions destroy spirituality and governments destroy freedom.”― Michael Ellner  

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER TWELVE: PART FIFTY-ONE: THE EASTERN GATE OF PARADISE    

Glen Phillips and Billy Tallent continued their desultory talk in the smoking room in the basement of their dormitory. The fumes from the whale-oil lamp were beginning to suffocate them, so Billy, with a great effort, prised open the solitary basement window, which was practically at ground-level. At which point, the loamy smell of encroaching Spring temporarily pierced through the fug. 

“You’ve been off island a lot, I notice,” said Glen to Billy. “Paying visits to Cramptown pretty often these days, aren’t you? I can see why you’d be attracted to the metropolis. ‘The light in the east!’ Ha! But you’ve got to be careful. You certainly don’t want to end up living there. Sure, city air makes you free, and all that guff. But…those people are cold, Mawny. Cold and mean. Just like their city. I’m originally from a rather small city myself. I know how those people do. They are uncommonly proud, and for no good reason. They fancy themselves to be a shining city of a hill, and delude themselves into thinking that the whole country should follow their enlightened example. Ha! The whole world! But the lowest among them are just as vicious, unscrupulous, and cold-hearted as the high muckety-mucks who run things. You’ll find that nowadays, they don’t burn their witches–they just ignore them. But that’s hardly a consolation, because they define a witch as anyone who wasn’t born and raised there through three generations. No–make that five. Pester them, and they’ll lash you before the mast like a Jack Tar at a mutiny. For all their highfalutin ‘morality,’ they are just as concupiscent and dipsomaniacal as the lowly wharf rats they profess to scorn. They pride themselves on their culture, but the only culture they have is curdled, like a bad custard. It is the world’s hardest town in which to raise a laugh. They imagine themselves to be some sort of intellectual citadel, but all their ideas are rusty from lack of use. They fancy themselves a bastion of enlightened politics, but their own internecine squabbles would put the Borgias to shame. They regard themselves as spiritually enlightened, but their own petty sanctimony puts the lie to that charming little fantasy. It’s no wonder that these turbulent show-boaters are roundly ignored by men of sense–in the same way that you would ignore a cawing crow strutting and preening in an offal-strewn gutter. What immortal name has ever come out of Cramptown? Nary a one. It is little more than a sub-arctic fishing village with delusions of grandeur.

“My prediction for you,” said Glen, “if you persist on visiting that hyprocritical den of iniquity, is as follows. You’ll go there one spring and get entranced by the first bit of muslin fluff who gives you the glad-eye. Some cunning twitchet, as you folks say down south. Some stout young laundry-maid, or a panther-eyed sales clerk, or tallow-merchant’s daughter, or maybe even a pretty little tavern girl with a wide mouth and big bubbies. I will tell you right here and now that such and such a woman is a sucker-trap. Don’t get me wrong–I’m not down on all women–I love my dear mother–but let me tell you what will happen next. You’ll go all googly-eyed over her. She’ll profess to share your feelings, and maybe she actually will. 

“But beware, Mawny–beware! She’ll let you knock her up, and of course, you, being a Southern gentleman, and raised right–or so I assume–you’ll do the honorable thing–or so you think. Having established your character as an intrinsically nice lad–and a born sucker–here’s what will happen next. You’ll be drawn into the web of her kinfolk. And you’ll learn, soon enough, that you’re married to a black widow spider. And then…you’ll be in for a life of suffering. Love, so-called; marriage, at least in name; and a squalling, ill-featured brat which, fifty-fifty, might even be your own.

“Look into it! You’ll find out, very soon, that she’s not all she’s cracked up to be. Her naivete, which is what attracted you to her in the first place, will be exposed as the rankest ignorance. After about six months, you’ll run out of things to talk about with her, and you’ll find that the two of you have absolutely nothing in common. Soon enough you’ll discover that not only is she ignorant, but she doesn’t even want to learn anything–outside of everything she’s been told by her foolish friends. She will have a hen party every day, and you’ll be stuck finding refuge in low dives to escape from her and her disreputable kin. 

“Being married to such a girl won’t be a cake walk, I can assure you of that. If you find a good job and happen to get some money, and can set her up in luxury, she’ll abuse the servants. If you can do no such thing, she’ll scorn and abuse you. And furthermore, you won’t be married only to her, but to her whole family. And if you haven’t done your due diligence–and you won’t have, because smitten people never do–you’ll find out that you’ve inherited all of their family problems; madness and murder dating back to well before the Revolutionary War. The drunken, loudmouth uncles. The whore-mongering cousins with their importunate bastards spread up and down the coast. The shrieking crone of a mother. The harried, beat-down father–the only sympathetic member of the whole sorry clan, and nobody pays him the slightest bit of attention, because he’s nearly always drunk. And can you blame him? Your oafish brother-in-law will always be getting into trouble, and your shrewish sister-in-law, will never stop talking–usually about you, and your shortcomings, and how your wife could have done much better, and before too long she’ll convince her that you wasted her life, and she will continually reproach you with that alleged fact, each and every day of the year, and well nigh until eternity. At best, you’ll become a beaten-down workhorse–at worst, a hopeless drunk. You will lose the respect of any old friends you have left, and your children will be dressed in rags.

“Steer yourself well clear of such a woman, Jack Tar! It’s not for nothing that Odysseus deafened his men and steeled himself against the blandishments of the lovely Sirens!”

“Far better, Mawny, that you return to the province whence you came and you marry a sweet-faced local girl. She may also lead you a merry chase, but at least you won’t be left stranded far from your family on a hostile shore. Because once people realize that you’re all alone, they will take that as their cue to treat you as lower than the worm. Trust me on this–I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.


“Better still–don’t get married at all. No, when the love-madness strikes you–and it will–do what I do. Do yourself a great big favor, and find yourself a nice, clean young whore. It may cost you a goodly deal of money, but it will be well worth it. Because, with her, at least, you will have to pay…but you’ll only have to pay but once.” 

1* SALUTATION

ALTON ELLIS

TOO LATE TO TURN BACK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL45duDaJ6U

2*REFERENCE
BILL BOGGS INTERVIEWS ROY COHN & GORE VIDAL

https://youtu.be/QwflYHGtZuk


3*HUMOR

WORST VALENTINES

www.rawstory.com/2015/02/blackface-darkies-and-chain-gangs-23-racist-funny-valentines-day-cards-people-still-buy/

ALSO SEE:

PEOPLE POSING WITH ANIMALS

www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/the-most-wtf-pictures-of-people-posing-with-animals  

4*NOVELTY

500 WORST ROLLING STONE REVIEWS
rateyourmusic.com/list/schmidtt/rolling-stones-500-worst-reviews-of-all-time-work-in-progress/  

ALSO SEE:
YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO READ THESE BOOKS IN HIGH SCHOOL
lifehacker.com/you-shouldn-t-have-to-read-these-books-in-high-school-1828549376  


5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
RAP VIDEO USED TO PUSH FENTANYL SALES
NSYS (Fentanyl Drug maker) Sales Reps…rap video to push Fentanyl sales…
www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-02-13/opioid-rap-video-adding-to-john-kapoor-s-woes-at-insys-trial

SEE ALSO
TODAY’S ILLEGAL DRUGS FORMERLY MARKETED AS MEDICINES
io9.gizmodo.com/how-todays-illegal-drugs-were-marketed-as-medicines-510258499  

6* DAILY UTILITY
HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/ss/slideshow-mental-narcissism

ALSO SEE:
Ahimsa, satyagraha, samsara

Harbor no anger.
Suffer the anger of the opponent.
Never retaliate to assaults or punishment; but do not submit, out of fear of punishment or assault, to an order given in anger.
www.britannica.com/topic/ahimsa


7*CARTOON

DAGWOOD AND DITHERS
It’s a true love story for the ages.
johnglenntaylor.blogspot.com/2010/05/mr-dithers-homicidal-maniac.html

ALSO SEE:
EC COMICS
barebonesez.blogspot.com/2016/07/ec-comics-its-entertaining-comic-part_25.html  

8*PRESCRIPTION

WORLD WAR III 

PUTIN THREATENS ANOTHER CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS
www.reuters.com/article/us-russia-putin/putin-to-u-s-im-ready-for-another-cuban-missile-crisis-if-you-want-one-idUSKCN1QA1A3 


ALSO SEE 
It’s 1961 again and we are piggy-in-the-middle…

www.express.co.uk/news/world/1083676/world-war-3-russia-US-France-nuclear-missile-launch-inf-treaty


SEE ALSO:

HARECULES HARE AND HIS GUIDED MUSCLE

https://youtu.be/jQsAz4KSOeY?t=288

9* RUMOR PATROL

SOMETHING IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET

medium.com/@jamesbridle/something-is-wrong-on-the-internet-c39c471271d2  


10*LAGNIAPPE

DOMMENGANGLOVE JAIL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL45duDaJ6U


11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
STEELY DAN
Steely Dan. The epitome of Size-48 Dad Rock. The band for douchebag preppies who want to prove they’re hip. Named after a dildo. Not just any dildo. A William Burroughs dildo. How…cool is that, maan?!

Fans of “The Dan” seem to think hey can do no wrong. But they are like unto arrivistes. Verily, even like unto the recent immigrant who studiously memorizes baseball statistics to impress his new American friends. One sign of their over-zealousness: They’re supposed to make it look easy, but they make it look hard. 

Sure, their music was so much better than all the other music on the radio. But just because a young lady is the cleanest whore at the Mustang Ranch, doesn’t mean I want to fuck her. 

They are jazz for people who don’t know what good jazz is. Jazz is intrinsically an improvisitory medium. Steely Dan give he impression that they couldn’t ad-lib a belch at a Hungarian banquet. They are jazz for jazz fans who gave up Duji and turned to snow. And, in the 1970s, they served the imperium well–as the veritable house band of Weimar Berlin.

In their later years, Steely Dan’s albums were like when you sit down to take a monumental shit and after forty minutes of sweating and grunting the only things that dribble forth are a few ineffectual farts and a sad little drop of brown liquid. (There’s an anal-ogy for you!)

I would trade all of Steely Dan for one chorus of “The Weaver and the Factory Maid.”    

12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE
WORST MOVIES
The Medved brothers and their series of Golden Turkey Awards is a great source for snark.. 
mst3k.fandom.com/wiki/The_Golden_Turkey_Awards

Fifty Worst Films Of All Time : Compiled by Harry Medved and Randy Dreyfuss, 1978
www.imdb.com/list/ls073412865/

The golden turkey awards : nominees and winners, the worst achievements in Hollywood history / Harry and Michael Medved.

The Hollywood hall of shame : the most expensive flops in movie history / Harry and Michael Medved.

Son of Golden Turkey Awards, 1986, Villard Books. / Harry and Michael Medved.

ALSO SEE:
50 BEST MOVIE SOUNDTRACKS OF ALL TIME
pitchfork.com/features/lists-and-guides/the-50-best-movie-soundtracks-of-all-time/

THE INFORMATION #1033 FEBRUARY 22, 2019

THE INFORMATION #1033

FEBRUARY 22, 2019
Copyright 2019 FRANCIS DIMENNO
dimenno@gmail.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

Wherever there has been great suffering, people are always seeing strange things.–Edward Tinney  

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER TWELVE: PART FIFTY: THE EASTERN GATE OF PARADISE


Soon, almost before he knew it, it was nearly the end of Billy Tallent’s Fourth Form school year. Exams were over, and Glen Phillips and Billy Tallent were taking their ease like proper gentlemen, snugly ensconced in the senior lounge smoking room, located in the basement of their dormitory, a drafty castle named after the venerable Bede. The room itself was somewhat damp, but not entirely uncomfortable, and the lighting was dim. A spherical glass whale oil lamp, once transparent but now opaque, was in one corner, and gave off a strong odor, but also provided a light sufficient to read by. The cheerless wooden walls of the dungeon-like room had been made more homey by being plastered all over with various colorful felt school and college pennants.

 
“I suppose,” said Glen Phillips to Billy Batchelder Tallent, biting the end off of a cigar and lighting it, “that the reason my old man is such a sourpuss is that he’s seen too much.”
Billy lit his Meerschaum pipe, a parting gift from his mentor Lon. “You said he runs a newspaper.”


“That’s right. He is the publisher of the Noxtown Chronicker. And I told him all about you. He’d like to meet you.”


“You flatter me.”


“Not at all. He’s always on the lookout for bright young men. College-educated, if at all possible. You see, for too long newspapers have been rags. All about twisting the facts to suit the advertisers, and reporting on the doings of unimportant people who want to be seen as important. Reporters have no grounding in history. They’re little better than death-hunters. They tend to report what is false, rather than what is true, because it is less work and more convenient to do so. Oh, they’ll give you the bare facts of the case, but they never seem to wander into the perilous minefield of why and how. As a matter of fact, they’re not really very interested in the truth. With them, it’s always the story. Does it make a good story? That’s all they want to know about the matter. And the rabble who lay down their pennies for the news want blood and thunder, not dry details. Keyhole journalism, my Paterfamilias calls it. They also go in for all the human-interest stuff. Hackwork churned out by wordy wordmen who write with the sole purpose of filling the hungry news hole. 


“And the middle and upper classes are no better. They want propriety, and they’ll have it at all costs. Or they’ll pretend to. But they’ll secretly lust after every last one of the sordid details, unless, of course, it’s a story about them. Then they’ll bend bloody heaven and earth to kill it. Yes, they’re very sinister-minded behind all their sanctimony, but they don’t want anybody else to know it, so you got to serve their garbage up with a heapin’ helpin’ of sugar on top. 
“As for the self-styled educated classes, they profess to scorn newspapers. Instead, they read stodgy journals where the authors take fifteen single-spaced pages to make the same damn point that any halfway decent cub could make in a kicker, a nut graf, and eight column inches. But don’t kid yourself. Even these so-called intellectuals will peep at the Daily Blight to see what new fresh living hell is on display above the fold. 


“Reporters are not what you would call men of sincerity. They play favorites, or they dance to the tune of their editors, who also play favorites. They are cynical about other people’s prejudices, and oblivious to their own. Pick up today’s paper and read it. Some society toff cashes in his chips, and he gets a thousand words. You can read it all right here–all about his yacht, and his grieving wife, and the fact that his fucking gun dog took the blue ribbon at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Now, go to page 51. The second to last page. Look here! Some country younker named Homer Miller who lives in some jerkwater town has bought the farm because a mule kicked him in the head. Now, he registers barely two column inches. And that’s probably because he owned a lot of land. You see what I mean? The doin’s of the rich get the society page; the doin’s of the poor show up on the police blotter, if they show up at all. Do you notice a trend? The rich are noteworthy because of how they live, and the poor only rate a bare mention when they’re stiff and cold as a mackerel.  


“I’ll tell you something though. If they dressed that second story up a bit–had him done in by a hobo ax-murderer who was cutting up a trail of bloody corpses and heading for the big city–then it would be the front page news.”


“I actually know Homer Miller,” said Billy to Glen. “If it’s the same man. He’s an ornery cuss. He’d shoot any hobo who came within a country mile of his place, and it wouldn’t be with no rock salt, either.”


“Ah, but that’s not the point. Do you want to know why you can never recognize a person you happen to know who’s being talked about in the paper? Because reporters aren’t interested in the person. What they’re after is the story. Let me tell you something about editors, Mawny. They dance to the tune of the money boys–publishers. And most of these publishers are corrupt parrots who spit and chatter balderdash from their filth-encrusted perches. Their sole concern is What’s In It For Me? Your editor will tell them he’s got aholt of a hot scoop, and what the publisher will answer back is, So What’s In It For Me? If it’ll sell papers, in it goes. If it’ll offend someone important, he’ll tell the editor to bury the lead. If he even lets the story run at all. That’s why you’re not likely to read about the depredations of vile officials, or about the infamies perpetrated by the police department, or about the society doctor who provides quick abortions to the daughters of his well-heeled clientele. That’s why in all the news you read, all reformers are crackpots; all senile captains of industry are enterprising geniuses; all defenders of the status quo are true patriots, and all the frock-cloaked champions of purity and decency–which is always a code word for “kill the poor”–are puffed up in the news columns to be tinhorn saints. Nowadays, the news is just the shit they conjure up willy-nilly to fill the spaces between the advertisements. And such advertisements! Look right here: “Ho! For the New Eldorado! Millions of Acres! The Light in the East! Harper’s Patent Fly Trap!” 


“I tell you, it’s enough to make a white man want to retire to a quiet corner and look for a potted plant in which to quietly evacuate the contents of his stomach!”   


1* SALUTATION

ANASTASIA SCREAMED

MOONTIME (VIDEO)

https://youtu.be/a-rZiOlJ-PQ


2*REFERENCE
WHOLE FOODS

Whole Foods on the East Side of Providence is OK. Lots of crunchy granola types. But the one on the bottom of the hill on North Main Street is the fucking 10th Circle of Hell.  

 
This particular Whole Foods plays all the hits of the 70s (e.g. Horse With No Name), and I have to wonder how I would feel if I were 18 years old and working in a store that was playing all the biggest hits of 1927.  


Whole Foods caters to wingnuts of all stripes who wouldn’t shop anywhere else because they are convinced that ordinary food is being poisoned by Worldwide Mad Deadly Communist/Fascist Gangster Computer God Frankenstein Robots.
tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Creator/FrancisEDec  


There is a case to be made, however, for eating only wild fish, grass-fed beef, poultry and eggs from free-range hens, and lamb. They are all superior sources of Tryptophan. (They also happen to taste better.)

www.healthline.com/health/tryptophan


3*HUMOR

BUSTER KEATON

COLLEGE

BLACKFACE SCENE

https://youtu.be/HGnD2Li2QeM?t=1668


4*NOVELTY

SWEET SWEETBACK TRAILER

https://youtu.be/0rD1OzJVoWY

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST

CHAINSAW AL, RIP
www.barrons.com/articles/chainsaw-al-barrons-knew-ye-well-51549644289    

6* DAILY UTILITY

BAD HABITS AT WORK

https://www.monster.com/career-advice/article/8-bad-work-habits-and-how-to-break-them-hot-jobs  

7*CARTOON

THE ANDY CAPP TELEVISION SHOW

A NEW LEAF

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6yzl5k


8*PRESCRIPTION 

Every Single Cognitive Bias in One Infographic
www.visualcapitalist.com/every-single-cognitive-bias/  

SEE ALSO:

COGNITIVE BIAS CHEAT SHEET
betterhumans.coach.me/cognitive-bias-cheat-sheet-55a472476b18


ALSO SEE:

LIST OF COGNITIVE BIASES
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases


9* RUMOR PATROL

MARK DEVLIN, ASCENDED MASTER

https://youtu.be/eG9BADCUOGw
10*LAGNIAPPE
BOBBY SCOTT PLAYS THE ORIGINAL MUSIC FOR A TASTE OF HONEY

https://youtu.be/rBjcYrMv55I

11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA

THE SECRET ORIGIN OF THE POPEYE AND BLUTO FEUD

For close to 90 years, Popeye and Bluto have really been fighting over a boy. 


Nowhere is this more apparent than here:

https://d1466nnw0ex81e.cloudfront.net/n_pi/300/2236181.jpg


The new Popeye cartoons have replaced Popeye’s pipe with an inexplicable whistle. A whistle!

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwic2fef57PgAhWMiOAKHRmtDwEQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fscreenrant.com%2Fpopeye-animated-shorts-youtube%2F&psig=AOvVaw0gvSmMdoP3S-QgX2HUglKq&ust=1549978829138895

Also, it’s pretty obvious to me that Dagwood and Mr. Dithers share a special, but bewildering relationship. Check out this cover blow-job:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjUopSz5LPgAhWEnFkKHW7eDscQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.hipcomic.com%2Flisting%2Fdagwood-29-1953-harvey-chic-young-blondie-popeye-vg%2F2099346&psig=AOvVaw0SoyzpicWLM7awCECpv_at&ust=1549978062294563


ALSO SEE:

EXECUTIVE ACTION #1

Superman goes back in time to prevent the assassination of JFK–but Lex Luthor with his Magic Bullet has other plans! Superman: “Choke” Ironic! I suppose that even I, with all my great powers can’t change history! 


12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE
JORDAN PETERSON VS. THE STRAW MEN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOh1Gflu7Uw  

THE INFORMATION #1032 FEBRUARY 15, 2019

THE INFORMATION #1032

FEBRUARY 15, 2019

Copyright 2019 FRANCIS DIMENNO

dimenno@gmail.com

https://dimenno.wordpress.com

I’d as lief pray with Kit Smart as any one else.–Samuel Johnson    

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE

BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN

CHAPTER TWELVE: PART FORTY-NINE: THE EASTERN GATE OF PARADISE

“You stay away from that Andy Brassen,” said plump Glen Phillips to Billy Batchelder Tallent. “Stay far away. He’s a bad apple. His people go all the way back to before the Norman Invasion. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were a direct descendant of the Black Prince. That’s probably what gives him some of his…characteristics.”
 
“Just how afraid would you be of anybody,” said Glen, “if you knew that if it all went to shit, you would be one of the chosen ones who would weather the storm? I’m not talking about some fucking cabin in the remotest backwoods of Maine. I’m talking a self-sustaining city, deep in the tropical jungle, or up there in the mountains, where you could probably hold out against the flood until the end of time. Do you think for one minute that the headmaster doesn’t know that? That’s how Andy Brassen gets away with his flapdoodle. The Head is more afraid of him than he is of the Head. And why shouldn’t he be afraid? Andy’s father could probably buy this place twenty times over, and throw the Head out on his ass. No, folks like Andy ain’t afraid of nothing and nobody. He’s kind of like you. Only you’ve gotten to be that way because you don’t know any better, and you figure that you got nothing to lose. But beneath it all, you’re still good, or otherwise I wouldn’t even be talking to you about this. But the kind of power that Andy and his father and his gang have, and have had, going back centuries–well, there’s something evil about it. You know what Lord Acton said: Power Corrupts. And the more you got, the more corrupt you are. No, you stay away from Andy. He could destroy you. Not in so many words. Just a word to the Head, and he’ll go from treating you as a minor indulgence and he’ll decide that you’re a major threat. And he’ll boot you the hell out of here. And you’ll be blackballed everywhere else. And the more you deny you did anything wrong, the less they’ll believe you.
 
“You have no conception at all of the power that aristocrats like his father have. You’d be lucky if you could get a job as a hostler. The Army wouldn’t have you, nor the Navy or Marines. The Civil Service would be out. These spiders have webs, and they weave them wide. Fleas like you get trapped. Only the big bugs break free. My father told me all about it, the day I turned sixteen. He told me that I was old enough to know that every time you make an enemy, you’re risking your entire future. Because no matter how insignificant they may seem on the surface, you never know who they know. Never. He also told me that you have to be very careful about what you reveal about yourself. Because people have long memories. Especially the people who call themselves your friends. 
 
“These fellows, these aristocrats, why, they can get away with anything. And they know it. So just ask yourself this–what would you do if you could get away with anything? Would you start into breaking all of the Commandments? Would you steal? Oh, they certainly do that, every day. Only they don’t call it that. They call it “getting one over.” Would you cheat? Cheating is no sin among their set. It’s in their blood. It’s how they got to where they are in the first place. Would you lie? Why, lying is second nature to them. They even lie to themselves, and some of them don’t realize it. They tell themselves the lie that they’re better than everybody else, and so they deserve everything they get, which is everything, and the poor man deserves everything he gets, which is nothing. If he’s lucky. And less than nothing, if he’s just a run-of-the-mill kinda fellow. “Slow rises worth by poverty oppressed,” as the Great Cham put it. And he knew what he was talking about. He was a truly great man. He had reason, and he had intuition. He championed Smart. He also had courage. He exposed Ossian. “Your rage I defy,” he said. “I hope I shall never be deterred from detecting what I think a cheat, by the menaces of a ruffian.” One of the most intelligent men in the world–that he was–going by the dictionary alone–never mind Boswell–and he could barely afford to feed his fucking cat. Doesn’t that tell you something? That brains aren’t everything? That sometimes they can actually get in your way? Because if you have brains, and a heart, and a little bit of courage, you tell yourself there’s certain things you just won’t do. All very well and good. But that won’t stop your enemies. In fact, they’ll turn your scruples against you–every fucking time. Especially if you don’t have the money to back up these fine sentiments, No money? Then just who are you, exactly? A nobody. A simple little field mouse. And the world is full of hawks. Hawks that may not see everything, and know everything, but they see enough. And they’re hungry. And they know a field mouse when they see one. That’s their job. That’s what they’re put on earth to do.     
 
“Do you know that many criminals are actually innocent of the crimes they are accused of committing? Plenty. But don’t fool yourself. You can bet that they’re on somebody’s list. And so they’re ripe to be framed. And they’re bad actors anyway, so it’s easy to do. Especially if you’re a crook yourself, but one who wears the mask of justice. That’s why crooks are always yelling about a frame-up. Because it happens. A lot. The Coppers spy a police character who isn’t giving up the ducats to the Sarge and they call him an outlaw. Meanwhile, those fine-haired sons of bitches who swindle widows and fuck orphans are the ones who really call the shots. They build their steel and coal fortunes on the backs of sweaty bohunks. Then they endow a fucking museum or an opera house. As though some stupid Croatian or Polack has time for such nonsense! 
 
“Now, I’ll be the first to admit, all sanctimony aside, that I’m not a religious kind of guy. I don’t pay much heed to the spooky stuff. None of my friends do. Only the old folks do. We play sports and they go to church. We fornicate, and they wrap themselves in a blanket and doze by the fire. We raise the devil and they want to know if we want a nice handful of fruit. But I tell you this–there has got to be a heaven. There’s just got to. 
 
“Because…otherwise? Otherwise, life would be just too damn hard.” 
1* SALUTATION
THE BLACKWELLS
BIG DADDY AND THE CAT
 
ALSO SEE:
THE PYRAMIDS
HOT DOG DOOLY WAH
2*REFERENCE
DEAN ACHESON

 Senator Hugh Butler exclaimed: “I look at that fellow. I watch his smart-aleck manner and his British clothes, and that New Dealism in everything he says and does, and I want to shout, ‘Get out, Get out. You stand for everything that has been wrong with the United States for years!'”

www.americanforeignrelations.com/A-D/Cold-Warriors-Dean-acheson.html#ixzz5cnBZBxun  

 
Querulous douchebags have a superstitious dread of anything that threatens their mediocrity.  
ALSO SEE:
DEMOCRATS VS. REPUBLICANS
 

3*HUMOR

THAT’S KINDA GAY
4*NOVELTY
WORST COMMERCIAL EVER

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST

INSIDE THE TEENAGE BRAIN
You haven’t lived until you’ve heard me blow my axe. I blow my licorice stick and fill any stage I appear on with tasty licks.    

ALSO SEE:

WHY I THINK I’M BETTER THAN YOU
 
6* DAILY UTILITY
NEGATIVLAND
BITE BACK
 
SEE ALSO:
MC5
THE AMERICAN RUSE

7*CARTOON

HEAVY DATE
ALSO SEE:
AL BUNDY SHOE STORE CUSTOMERS
 
SEE ALSO:
THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF KRYPTO MOUSE
8*PRESCRIPTION
HEARTWARMING STORIES FROM THE READER’S DIGEST
ALSO SEE:

SI ANTHOLOGY

http://www.bopsecrets.org/SI/

9* RUMOR PATROL

SMQ AL
WE ALL DIED IN 2012
 
ALSO SEE:
OUR LIFE BEYOND MKULTRA
10*LAGNIAPPE
BUZZCOCKS
BOREDOM
 
ALSO SEE:
TOMMY JAMES
OUT OF THE BLUE
Peaked at #43 on the Billboard Hot 100 on November 25, 1967.  

11*DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
THE CIA REVIEWS THE DEVIL’S CHESSBOARD
12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE Arthur Hugh Clough (1819-1861)

The Latest DecalogueThou shalt have one God only; who

Would tax himself to worship two?

God’s image nowhere shalt thou see,

Save haply in the currency:

Swear not at all; since for thy curse

Thine enemy is not the worse:

At church on Sunday to attend

Will help to keep the world thy friend:

Honor thy parents; that is, all

From whom promotion may befall:

Thou shalt not kill; but needst not strive

Officiously to keep alive:

Adultery it is not fit

Or safe, for women, to commit:

Thou shalt not steal; an empty feat,

When ’tis so lucrative to cheat:

False witness not to bear be strict;

And cautious, ere you contradict.

Thou shalt not covet; but tradition

Sanctions the keenest competition.

As noted by P. G. Scott, Clough’s The Latest Decalouge may have been written to show that the “bourgeois morality” of his time was actually irreligious.

The poem appears in two distinct manuscripts, one held by the British Museum, and the other at Harvard University. The version presented above is the one held by Harvard. Most anthologies seem to use a combination of the two versions. In addition to a slightly different parody of the ten commandments, the British Museum version ends with a parody of their summary given in the Gospel according to Matthew:

The sum of all is, thou shalt love,

If any body, God above:

At any rate shall never labour

More than thyself to love thy neighbour.

www.potw.org/archive/potw238.html