MODERN WISDOM NUMBER 190 AUGUST 2014

MODERN WISDOM: AMERICA’S ONLY HUMOR MAGAZINE
NUMBER 190
AUGUST 2014

Copyright 2014 Francis DiMenno
http://dimenno.gather.com
dimenno@gmail.com
http://www.dimenno.wordpress.com

And now…MODERN WISDOM presents:

1. TANNED ANTIQUITY
2. STEEPY NIGHT
3. WRACKFUL SIEGE
4. HOLY ANTIQUE HOURS
5. NIGGARD TRUTH
6. THE FILCHING AGE
7. THAT CHURL DEATH
8. BARREN TENDER
9. MY DUMB THOUGHTS
10. A CONQUERED WOE

11. DYSLEXICON PART THREE

Nota bene: Selected definitions were first published in Oracle numbers
1, 2, 3 and 6 and are copyright 1992 and 1993 by the author. Others
are here published for the first time and all are copyrighted 2014.

DYSLEXICON: HIDDEN MEANINGS OF NEW AND COMMONPLACE AMERICAN WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS
PART THREE

KENTUCKY: American State. Principal import: junkies; principal export:
pork rinds.

KFC: A good salmonella; not a GREAT salmonella.

KISSINGER: One of the few modern American rulers who was not a Mason.
See KENNEDY.

KNOWLEDGE: A more sophisticated form of ignorance.

KNOWLEDGE: What EXPERTS control.

KRAFT-EBBING: The haunting fear of writer’s block.

KUMQUAT: Hideous orange thing drenched in a sickening sauce, served in
Chinese restaurants.

KUWAIT: SWITZERLAND with slaves and AIR-CONDITIONING.

LABOR DAY: A HOLIDAY WEEKEND; a symbolic orgy of consumption in which
humans hard-wired to hoard fats seek to commemorate the passing of the
light and warmth of the Summer Solstice.

LAS VEGAS: Former Mobster playpen now FAMILY playpen.

LAUGH-IN: Formerly popular TELEVISION program; psychedelia for drunks.

LED ZEPPELIN: Evil opposite of THE BEATLES.

LEGITIMATE: Any unwholesome activity which is not actually illegal.

LIBERALISM: Cult of guilt (Archaic).

LIBERTARIANISM: Anarchy for shitheads.

LIBRARIES: The church of the lower middle class.

LIFE INSURANCE: Extreme form of GAMBLING in which the winner always dies.

LIFE: A depressing circus full of grandiose humility.
LIFE: Simply a quiet accumulation of tyrannies and traumas.
LIFE: The process of riding our biases to their finale.

LINCOLN: American President whose head on a penny is used to calibrate
tread wear on AUTOMOBILE tires.

LITERACY: Marginal ability to interpret and retain data transmitted by
the printed word. Archaic since circa THE 1970s.

LITTLE DRUMMER BOY, THE: A stage hog.

LOGIC: Euphemism for ruthlessness; pitiless REALISM. See COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS.

LONG WEEKEND: By POPULAR convention that time period set aside for
time-consuming, spontaneous activities. See HOLIDAY WEEKEND; WEEKEND.

LOS ANGELES: Where all of the wicked people (who are better at being
bad than you) end up living.

LOTTERIES: Surrogates for achievement.

LOVE: Like a long sneeze–a temporary derangement.

LUXURY TAXES: Portion control for gluttons.

LYNDON B. JOHNSON: Courage-impaired political wheeler-dealer whose
1968 abdication saved him from humiliating disgrace. See NIXON.

MADONNA: 21st century Marlene Dietrich.

MAFIA: Too much of a good thug.

MAINSTREAMING: Means lopping off 30 IQ points.

MALT: Popular panacea. See BEER.

MAN: The only animal who worries that he is only an animal.

MANAGERIAL ELITE: Overseers of urban plantations. See CORPORATIONS.

MARCH. A month of hope that, in about four weeks, it will all be over,
so we can do something we vastly prefer to enduring its weather; for
instance, filling out tax forms.

MARRIAGE: Made in heaven and lived in hell.

MASONS.  Participate in elaborate rituals, drink to excess, wear funny
costumes, and share a secret arcane knowledge. See ROCK AND ROLLERS.

MASONS: Non-conspiratorial group which nevertheless always manages to
see to it that all widely-disseminated information concerning them is
written by Masons. See MORMONS.

MASS MEDIA: A stained-glass window for imbeciles.

MASTURBATION: The poor man’s PlayStation.

MAXIM: Esquire for Bastards.

MAY: A month whose chief hallmark is that it begins with the first
sanctioned day for outdoor fornication.

ME: The new “You”.

MEDICATION: DRUGS. See MEDICINE.

MEDICINE: DRUGS approved by the police.

MEMOIR: Commemorates our self-deception.

MERCENARIES: An unapologetic killer elite. See SOLDIERS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS: This statement features two lies.

METABOLISM: Euphemism; the cause of all obesity.

MICROBREWS: The triumph of hop over experience.

MIDDLE AGES: Euphemism; a not-yet-passed period of human history
dominated by the presence of dependent serfs, dominant nobles, and
GOD-interpreting churchmen.

MIDDLE CLASSES: Euphemism; virtually universal social stratum of
dependent serfs from which its higher-echelon members aspire to
transcend, and whose values its lower-echelon members profess to
scorn.

MIDWEST, THE: The home territory of backwater racial passions and
darkest cornball.

MIDWESTERNERS: Friendly isolationists.

MILDLY DYSLEXIC: Euphemism; illiterate.

MINK COAT: Overlord’s rabbit foot.

MISCEGENATION: The knowledge of this term is the surest indicator of
education and socio-economic status (Archaic).

MONA LISA: A remote figure fit only to be travestied.

MONDAY: By POPULAR convention the worst day of the week. See FRIDAY.

MONEY: Symbolic waste product. See FECES.

MONOTHEISM: A concept so simple that many humans have resisted it for
over 7,000 years.

MOON: Symbolic of an ovum; object at which to shoot rockets.

MORMONS: Non-conspiratorial group which nevertheless always manages to
see to it that all widely-disseminated information concerning them is
written by Mormons. See MASONS.

MOTORCYCLES: Nature’s way of culling stupid humans from the herd.

MOVIES: Exciting boredom; bland, euphoria-inducing medium devised to
advertise bland, euphoria-inducing commodities; the EDUCATOR of
desire. See THE INTERNET; RADIO; TELEVISION.

MP3s: Free ear candy.

MULTINATIONAL CORPORATIONS. Armies with a CREDIT LINE.

MULTITASKING: Multislacking.

MURDER: A moral wrong (Archaic); an illegal, unsanctioned act unless
performed by designated officials or their employees.

MYSTICISM: Anything not susceptible to LOGIC.

MYTHOLOGY: Crazy stories by dead weirdos that bore us to tears.
MYTHOLOGY: Ideas that are believed by many people but that are not
true (archaic). The commodification of all folklore, and the
folklorization of all commodities.
MYTHOLOGY: Tales of legendary Gods and heroes (Archaic); anything not
strictly true but rendered highly appealing by the cynical
manipulation of symbol and archetype.

NARCOTICS: See DRUGS.

NATURAL: Pertaining to the products of nature (Archaic); a cultural
marker generally meaning that which is intended primarily for the use
of naive people or those with large discretionary incomes. See
ORGANIC.

NEGRO: A person of African descent (Archaic); a highly insulting term
used to designate older persons of African descent, or used
unironically by older persons not of African descent to describe
persons of African descent.

NEO-LIBERALISM: Cult of guilt-edged securities.

NEPOTISM: Genetic credits; selfish FAMILY-based altruism.

NERDS: Scrawny, usually LITERATE often non-procreating males whose existence
is usually inimical to boys who worship at the shrine of SPORTS

NEW AND IMPROVED: Popular redundancy used to signify NEW and GOOD.

NEW YORK CITY: HELL, but all of your friends are there.

NEW: GOOD.

NEWS. The most significant trivial events in recent memory.

NEWSMAGAZINE: An increasingly archaic medium in which INVESTIGATIVE
REPORTERS act as sanctioned stool pigeons.

NEWSPAPERS: Publications, frequently daily, formerly the principal
information medium for informed adults (Archaic).

NICE: Stupid. SEE PRO-SOCIAL.

NIETZSCHE: 19TH CENTURY German philosopher (Archaic); terrible man
driven crazy by syphilis who molested his sister and said something
awful about the need to whip women.

NONCONFORMISTS: CULTURAL deviants as defined by CULTURAL hierophants.

NONSENSE: Drivel, finely-tuned.

NORTHERNERS: Unfriendly idealists.

NOSTALGIA: More than what it used to be.

NOVEMBER: Has little to recommend itself save the prospect of gorging
oneself on dry meat in the presence of moist relatives.

NSC. National Security Council (Archaic); dissident national group
above the law assigned the task of formulating infiltrative strategies
regarding dissident foreign national groups above the law. See FBI,
NSC.

NUT COUNTRY: Popular euphemism for DALLAS.

OATS: Miraculous food formerly thought to ensure longevity (Archaic).

OBSCENE: Sexually profane (Archaic); objectionable.

OCCUPATION RULE: Dead Peasant Policies.

OCTOBER. On any given calendar, the picture accompanying October is
usually the most attractive one of all. In that respect, it is the
Potemkin month.

OFFICE WORK: Stupid coffee tricks.

OLD AGE PENSION: A guaranteed monthly post-retirement income
(Archaic). See SOCIAL SECURITY.

OLD: BAD.

ONLINE GAMING: A very commercial form of obsessive compulsive disorder.

OPERA: Sex substitute (Archaic). See DANCING.

OPINION: That which is POPULARLY THOUGHT.

ORGANIC: Pertaining to the products of nature (Archaic); a cultural
marker generally meaning that which is intended primarily for the use
of naive people or those with large discretionary incomes. See
NATURAL.

ORGANIZED RELIGION: Frozen morality.

OZONE: An inert gas feared and worshiped by ENVIRONMENTALISTS.

PARADOX: Noncontradictory oxymoron.

PAROLE: Temporary freedom.

PEPPERONI: Baloney with attitude.

PERIODICALS: Regularly published journals of OPINION (Archaic).

PEROT: Kilroy; Daddy Warchest; Wendell Willkie with big ears.

PETS: Children who can’t talk back.

PHILOSOPHY: Formulas for a well-lived life (Archaic); any rationale
for bad behavior.

PHILOSOPHY: You have put on your blindfold and you call it your philosophy.

PHOTOCOPIERS: Automated plagiarism; electronically generated graven
images; see DIGITAL MEDIA; FAX MACHINES.

PHOTOGRAPHY: Used to create replicas of real people.

PINK: FASHIONABLE color ca. 1955; Verging on COMMUNISTIC (Archaic).

PIPEHEAD: Genetically susceptible member of UNDERCLASS who has a
problem with IMPULSE CONTROL.

PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE: Jealous humanity’s revenge on the indestructible machine.

PLATINUM: The new gold.

PLUM: Rehydrated PRUNE.

POETRY: Metrical and rhythmic language with concentrated syntax and
imagery and a PHILOSOPHIC conclusion (Archaic); prose set out in
stanza form.

POISON IVY: State flower of West Virginia.

POLITICAL PUNDITRY: Angry sermons from joyless preachers.

POLITICAL PUNDITS. Shouting heads who spend most of their energy in
lynching a straw man.

POLITICALLY CORRECT: Group of co-religionist DISSIDENT OPINIONATED IDEOLOGUES.

POLITICIANS: Nihilists, masquerading as caretakers.

POLITICS: A shabby conspiracy among money hustlers.
POLITICS: A three ring circus in which the ringmasters are under
POLITICS: Sports for people who are too fat to run.

POLYUNSATURATED FATS: Low-calorie parrot meat.

POPPY: Panacea (Archaic). See BEER.

POPULAR: Name for anything which the LITERATE consider STUPID.

PORNOGRAPHY: One man’s meat.

POTATO SALAD: Adult ice cream.

POTHEADS: HIPPIE Victorians.

PRAGMATISM: Those who know what it is won’t admit it.

PREP SCHOOLS: Holding pens for the children of old money.

PRESIDENT: Symbolic ruler-priest of American empire.

PRIDE: Lasts but a moment. Egotism is forever.

PRIEST: Any person in touch with a higher power; see EXPERT.

PRIESTS: Magnificent egotists of the infinite.

PRISONER: Felonious monk.

PRISONS: Contain an embarrassment of wretches.

PROCREATION: The thief of time.

PROLIFIC: In desperate need of editorial oversight.

PROPERTY: What CAPITALISTS own, COMMUNISTS seek to confiscate,

PRO-SOCIAL: Stupid. SEE NICE.

PROSTITUTION: Illicit sale of services (Archaic); standard operating
procedure of the MIDDLE CLASS. See PROTECTIVE COLORATION.

PROTECTIVE COLORATION: In nature, any mode of concealment (Archaic);
standard operating procedure of the MIDDLE CLASS. See PROSTITUTION.

PROVERBS: Wisdom lite.

PRUDENCE: Bashfulness with good PR.

PRUNE: Dried PLUM (Archaic).

PSYCHIATRISTS: Pseudo-kin who lick your psychic wounds.

PSYCHOANALYSIS: Any pharmaceutical regimen accompanied by benign interrogation.

PSYCHOTIC: Person suffering from a mental disease consisting of a
state of mind in which reality is perceived as unreliable (Archaic);
characteristic of the standard operating procedure in the ordering and
rendering of the data stream by those in control of it.

PUNDITS. Pimps for the Imperium.

PUTIN: A good five-cent Tsar.

Q-TIP: Patented device used to manufacture ear wax.

QUOTATION MARKS: The justifying margins of plagiarism.

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THE INFORMATION #796 AUGUST 8, 2014

THE INFORMATION #796
AUGUST 8, 2014
Copyright 2014 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but
otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the
world.–Paul Dudley White

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART TWENTY-ONE: THE MAYOR OF HELL
Old Doc Ketman was a man of many diverse skills–besides being an
old-time root doctor of the travelling gypsy sort, he could, despite
his red beard and fox-like apppearance, also do a passable turn as a
mystic all-seeing swami at the Red and Black Carnival, once he had fitted
himself with a silken cape and a scarf with a huge diamond (fake), and
a turban with a set of glowing gems in the middle (also fake), and had
whitened his whiskers with chalk.

It would make a cat laugh to see the old faker give out from inside his
eight-foot tent with the stars and sun on a banner which hung across
it, filling the close air with all sorts of mumbo jumbo about the life
line of the hand and the all-divining Tarot and the revelations of the
tea-leaves, and the visions in the mystic crystal ball . He was an
all-purpose Fakir, which some would pronounce as faker.

“You have a long life line and a short heart line, which means that
you will have a romantic entangle-MINT late in life which may lead to
sorrow or may ultimately lead to fulfill-MINT. Your Mercury line
indicates that all your sterling qualities will be fully appreciated
near the end of a long and prosperous life. You will mellow into glad
old age and be surrounded by the faces of those you love and who love
you.” All this to a cadaverous specter of a man, covered with the
filth of the coal mines, who coughed frequently into a bloodied
handkerchief.

“Listen Yob,” snarled he, in a rare display of temper, when I
questioned his soothsaying,  “Can that gas. Keep your clack box shut.
I’m not a boshing blabber, ner am I hinky. The crushers got nothing on
me. I’m no loocher–I give good value for the dosh.  Maybe I don’t
peddle the God’s own truth–‘n anyway, only God can see to the future.
What I sell is hope. If it makes this man happy for one instant that
he will somehow escape his rat-trap of a job, my work is done. The
only motto I have,” he said with a cynical sneer that I could tell was
all practiced, “is to try to keep the customer satisfied.”

As for his Tarot readings, he didn’t seem to know much more about the
cards than I did. He was a bit of a dab hand with the pasteboards,
though, as had worked a brief spell as a Sharpman at the Friendly
Harbor Dining Hall–the very place where Red Mary had won me in a game
of cards– and so he always arranged that the sucker draw certain key
cards, for which he had a spiel ready-made.

“Ahh…The Sun. Just as the sun which lights our world is always one,
so are you a woman of intergrity, known far and wide.” This to some
malicious old biddy as scrawny as a starved chicken, dressed all in
black, her mean crooked face covered with a black veil. “You are a
child of the sun, which means that wherever you go the people will
flock to you. Behind your back, they call you ‘The Lady Bountiful’
because of your many small kindnesses to those who are less fortunate.”
I saw him peering at the old lady to see how she was taking it, and
whether he was laying it on too thick. He wasn’t. She was lapping it
all up like chocolate ice cream on the fourth of July. “You have the
radiant strength and energy of the sun–you bring joy into the lives
of both the great and humble–and you will continue to shine for a
very long time. For you are humble. You know that the light which
illuminates your path comes from one source only–The Lord. You know
that your great luck comes from your enduring belief in the Lord, and
that when troubles do come, He will never desert you.”

This woman, it turns out, was a notorious miser, but she not only paid
Ketman’s fee in full, but even gave him a stock market tip which he
was able to parlay to great advantage. Maybe, I decided, Ketman has it
right–easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar.

The customers for his tea-leaf readings were also generally elderly
women. Here he allowed the shapes in the bottom of the teacup to
dictate his fancy. He would say something like, “I see a shamrock,
which indicates good fortune.” (This to an old maid.) Or “Note the
shapes that resemble birds flying. This indicates you will soon be
hearing good news. But one of the birds is a raven; this may mean a
death in the family. Have you a grandfather or grandmother who is very
old?” (This to a middle-aged woman.) He would alter his readings to
suit his audinece; the only thing that didn’t vary was his fee:
twenty-five cents, which was a not inconsiderable sum in those days.

Old Doc Ketman was hard as the devil to pin down whenever I asked him
where he got all his learning from. All he would say that he had
picked it up “from here and there in dribs and drabs while going down
the road from place to place.”

I will say that for all his learning and his skills, there seemed
something inauthentic about Peter Ketman. As though he were in exile
from some place where terrible things had once happened to him. He
never would tell of where he was born, or of whom. I’m pretty sure
that Ketman was not his real name. Nor was he a Doctor. Talk around
town had it that his real name was Isaiah Lydon and that he had hopped
off a boat from Holland where he faced a murder charge and somehow made
his way to the Big Easy, where he set himself up as a theatrical agent
until  he was driven out of town by jealous rivals. Something about
practicing medicine without a license. Accusations of providing
abortions.

But more than that. there was something rotten gnawing at the soul of
Peter Ketman. He was endlessly capable, but perferred to be idle when
he wasn’t busy generating schemes to make money. He was capable of
helping a great many sick people with his knowledge, but preferred to
swindle them. He had what seemed to be all the normal feelings of
compassion and sympathy for others, but he relentlessly sold his bogus
remedies just to make a crooked dollar.

1*SALUTATION
MARSHA GEE
PEANUT DUCK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8-V0Rd5GGo&list=ALBTKoXRg38BA_Amng72Iuud3YVFn9q2v5&index=72

2*REFERENCE
CIA FACTBOOK
Name the Global Superpower which ranks 115th in the world in
industrial growth rate. It’s easier than you think!
https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/us.html

3*HUMOR
39 THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON’T KNOW ABOUT PITTSBURGH
http://www.movoto.com/pittsburgh-pa/pittsburgh-facts/?fb_action_ids=10203524522849703&fb_action_types=og.likes

4*NOVELTY
WEAPONS
Name a democracy that supplies 44% of the world’s weapons. It’s easier
than you think!
http://www.globalissues.org/article/74/the-arms-trade-is-big-business#GlobalArmsSalesBySupplierNations

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
HOW AMERICA GOT HOOKED ON LEGAL METH
http://motherboard.vice.com/read/the-speed-of-hypocrisy-how-america-got-hooked-on-legal-meth?trk_source=recommended

6* DAILY UTILITY
PRISONERS
Name a Republic in which 25% of the world’s prisoners are held in
captivity. It’s easier than you think!
http://www.factslides.com/s-USA

7*CARTOON
GOVERNMENT COMICS
http://cbldf.org/2012/12/tales-from-the-code-welcome-to-government-comics/

8*PRESCRIPTION
10 BEST B-SIDES EVER
http://ultimateclassicrock.com/b-sides/

ALSO SEE
35 ESSENTIAL B-SIDES
http://www.nme.com/photos/35-essential-b-sides-as-selected-by-nmecom-users/146749/1/1

9*RUMOR PATROL
18 CRAZY RIGHT WING MYTHS ABOUT OBAMA
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2014/01/13/debunk-right-wing-obama-myths/

10* LAGNIAPPE
VELVET UNDERGROUND
EUROPEAN SON (DEMO)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=4lvey84ozdE

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
DONDI
Dondi still haunts my nightmares. Those lifeless, dish-sized ears;
those cold, dead-looking eyes. I fear those eyes! HIS eyes! I can
see…forever! They are the black pools of the stygian depths of that
bourne whence no traveler ever returns. You can almost see within them
the writhings of sinners in the hands of an angry God, the wailing and
gnashing of teeth, and the unkind luster of the preying mantis as she
devours her incognizant mate.

*11A BOOKS READ AND REVIEWED
100 BULLETS: BROTHER LONO. ****1/2
935 LIES. LEWIS. ***
ALL-NEW X-MEN 3. ALL DIFFERENT. ***1/2
THE AMERICAN WAY. RIDLEY. ***1/2
BLEAK HOUSE. DICKENS. *****
BLOOD FEUD. KLEIN. ***
BOHEMIANS. BUHLE & BERGER. ****
THE BRONX KILL. MILLIGAN. ***
DJANGO UNCHAINED. HUDLIN ET AL. ****
GREEN LANTERN: THE WRATH OF THE FIRST LANTERN. ***1/2
JAMES JOYCE. O’BRIEN. ****
JONAH HEX: SHADOWS WEST. ***1/2
THE KENNEDYS. COLLIER. ***
LIKE A SNIPER LINING UP HIS SHOT. TARDI & MANCHETTE. ****1/2
LEGION OF SUPER HEROES 3: THE FATAL FIVE. ***
THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE. CONDON. ***1/2
NEW YORK MON AMOUR. TARDI. ***1/2
THE PARENTS’ PHRASE BOOK. HOSEA. ****
PIRATES IN THE HEARTLAND. ROSENKRANTZ. ****
POP 1280. THOMPSON. ***1/2
RED HULK. ***
ROBOCOP. MILLER. **1/2
S STREET RISING.  CASTENEDA. ***
SUPERMAN ACTION COMICS 3: AT THE END OF DAYS. ***1/2
TERRA OBSCURA: SMASH OF TWO WORLDS. ***1/2
THERE GOES GRAVITY. ROBINSON. ***
UNCANNY X-MEN 3. THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE INHUMAN. ***1/2
WEST COAST BLUES. TARDI & MANCHETTE. ****
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! STANLEY. ***1/2
CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.

754. “FAMILY”
Anything with the word “Family” in it means that it’s probably not
that good. Especially Restaurants.

THE INFORMATION #795 AUGUST 1, 2014

THE INFORMATION #795
AUGUST 1, 2014
Copyright 2014 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART TWENTY-ONE: THE MAYOR OF HELL

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time
we fall.–Confucius

Myself and Cadger Tandy the both of us stood by with Red Mary as she sat
on her four-poster bed withdrawing from chloral and troubled in her mind,
and spewing her dribble. I could make sense in dribs and drabs of what spilled forth from her frothy gob–a few phrases in particular here and there leapt out at you and rang the bell.

“People in Noxtown are freaks. Scarred. Deformed. All
men are false at heart. Bad boys ought to be horse-whipped. Horse whip
them all! Not you, Cadger Tandy–they shan’t whip you.  [In an aside to
me.]

“The sun shines on the factory and the whorehouse alike. Ah, but
thou little knowest what harm thou hast done. Who needs those slummers
from uptown? Horse whip them as well.  Stop tickling me, Yob, or
you’ll make me sweat. [That was me, trying to tickle her to make her
laugh and bring her out of her foul mood.]

“If women had the vote, we would sweep all the rascals out.
‘Cept maybe the good-looking ones.But Uglyface would have to go.
[She was referring here to her nemesis and tormentor–and lover?–
Smash Conklin.]

“Go back to your Circus, little man! Give your
soul to Jesus! What do you have to lose? Consider the alternative.
Hear me. Obey me. Army of the damned.  The mayor is a clown. Everyone
knows the real power on the throne is BM. He worships the rat-blood
thirsty devil. Man with a foolish grin? Not him! He’s over 21. Has
got a crew of reporters on his apron strings. Plays tag with the Shah
of High Muck-a-Muck. Hot shit.  Mit onions.

“The Christians pass out their papers door to door, don’t cha know,
while the devil prefers to do his business from the City Hall.
You all know who I mean. Take the hot iron away
from the crooks and pimps and give them to whores and
ministers. Make the mayor conduct his office hours from a hot dog
stand. I may be nuts. There ought to be at the very least a tax on
wife-beating. Wouldn’t you say? That would swell their coffers, and
how. I had a swell little whore who called herself Little Jane but she
looked like a Muriel so I called her Little Jane. West of the Westies.
Flat as a flounder. Some little biscuits. Oh, I’m just spinning.
Buckets of tears. Angels. Lobsters. Bury me in my grave.”

Her eyes rolled up in the back of her head. Doc Ketman gave her a
drink of some kind of herbal tea. She resumed her spiel.

“Look to all the fires that are set by mice with matches! Take away
their work and let them earn an honest living. Let the bums take over
the street corners. That’s right, Pretty Boy. [She was talking to me,
and managed I think to raise a blush.]

“Let them own all the garbage. The city seal is an
eagle taking down a pigeon.  It’s all a big So What. I
think I would like to wear my hoop skirt. And garters and bustles.
Make all the loochers do without.  The rats are taking over.
Deutchland Uber Alles! The mice are here! Send in the cats. I got a
terrier who loves to kill rats. His name is John Otis Cross. Turn off
all the lights at night, but don’t do it sloppy now. make the people
make do with gas. I would cut their throats with a dull knife, if I
could. Horses for courses.”

Well, as you have probably guessed by now, a little of this sort of
talk goes a long way. But after a while there was also a fascination
to it, as though you could somehow assemble the broken glass of her
mind and make some mind of a mirror of it.

Like when she talked about rats and devils, she was talking of the
preacher and the big man, but when she said something like “You may
fire when ready, Gridley,” she was just parroting the newspaper
headlines of nearly a decade ago which were still tangled up in her
disordered mind.

“Fire when ready! Fire away! Make them heathens dance! Make it all go
smash. Teach the beggars their proper place is out in the streets, on
the mooch! Home of the brave! Call in the Indians from the
reservations. She shimmies and she shakes like a bowl of jelly. By the
people, for the people, and of the people. By God! I need a million
dollars. I need a million dollars. I need a hundred thousand dollars.
Long Live Admiral Dewey! Why did the British lose the war? Because
they didn’t have their hearts in it. Brother against brother. Blood on
thier hands. Spill some ink. Blow some bubbles. Striped shirt organ
grinder pays no heed to the top hat man who has no pity for the Monk.
The Monk the Monk the Monk the Monk. Birds and beasts.
The cat swallowed the canary. Shake a tail feather. Dinner is served.”

It was though half the plugs in her brain were slowly being
disconnected and were fizzing and snapping in the empty air. You could
almost smell the metallic odor as her mind continued to run off the
tracks.

“Shoulder to the wheel. Happy the devil. Table for two. Double time.
Upsa Daisy. Drill ye tarriers. A sword, a funnel, a playing card.
Spindle-shanks. Hallelujah!”

She finally ceased her ramblings with the plaintive cry, “O, why don’t
they leave me alone? Why don’t they leave me alone? Why don’t they
leave me alone? Why don’t they leave me ALONE?”

I took that as my cue to vamoose, sure enough, though I was scared
to. Doc Ketman said that he would keep her company and dose her good
and see to it that she did no harm to herself.

I don’t know what kind of cute stunt he tried, but the next time I saw
him, which was about half an hour later, he had a pretty prominent
black eye and all he would say to me in way of an explanation was,
“Oh, she’s back to her old self, she is. No need to thank me.”  And
then he looked sort of sickly and excused himself. But Red Mary, I was
glad to see, was sleeping soundly–maybe for the first time in weeks.

1*SALUTATION
DONALD JENKINS & THE DELIGHTERS
ELEPHANT WALK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tfH19NUBS7M

2*REFERENCE
100 BEST AMERICAN NOVELS 1770-1985
http://theamericanscholar.org/one-hundred-best-american-novels-1770-to-1985-a-draft/#.U80vRla1-Lt

3*HUMOR
PAWEL KUCZYNSKI
http://inspireamaze.com/these-29-clever-drawings-will-make-you-question-everything-wrong-with-the-world/

4*NOVELTY
GUITARIST PLAYS ALONG TO SOBBING JAPANESE POLITICIAN
http://digg.com/video/guitarist-plays-along-to-sobbing-japanese-politician

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL
http://www.salon.com/2014/07/15/im_sorry_for_coining_the_phrase_manic_pixie_dream_girl/

6* DAILY UTILITY
46 LIFE HACKS
http://www.epicdash.com/the-46-most-brilliant-life-hacks-every-human-being-needs-to-make-life-easier/

7*CARTOON
WORLD WAR ONE PROPAGANDA
http://disinfo.com/2014/07/world-war-propaganda-100-years/

8*PRESCRIPTION
THE NEW CUPCAKE
http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2014/07/16/the_new_cupcake_cliche_graphed_macarons_doughnuts_pie_and_every_other_new.html

ALSO SEE:
SIX REASONS LIBRARIES ARE THE NEW CUPCAKE
http://www.thewire.com/national/2010/07/6-reasons-libraries-are-the-new-cupcake/19300/

9*RUMOR PATROL
THE BLEAK DAYS OF SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE
http://www.sfgate.com/entertainment/article/The-Bleak-Days-Of-Sly-And-the-Family-Stone-For-2997684.php

10* LAGNIAPPE
NEIL HAMBURGER ON CURRENT MUSICAL ACTS
http://noisey.vice.com/blog/neil-hamburger-interview

ALSO SEE:
MIKE LOVE IS KIND OF AN ASSHOLE
‘Over, and over, the crow cries uncover the corn-field’, means the city buildings have covered the farmer’s fields, and the crow can’t eat buildings. I’d guess all the money Mike Love spent fapping with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi for ‘spiritual enlightenment’, and ‘taping into the higher-mind’, was wasted.–Valkyrie Ziege
http://m.noisey.vice.com/blog/mike-love-is-kind-of-an-asshole

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
THE TEN BIGGEST CLASSIC ROCK DOUCHEBAGS
This indignant screed reminds me of a stand up act where the comedian hates everybody. “The Beach Boys couldn’t surf! They couldn’t even swim–IF DENNIS WILSON IS ANY INDICATION!”

Who represents the true, shining face of rock, according to the author?

Roky Erikson, apparently. If he were to read this, I can imagine his response.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnPrqgZK8mI

The problem with journalism of this type–if you can even call it that–is that it cherry-picks negative facts for shock value–but leaves you no place to go after dismissing the idols with feet of clay. More wit and less vitriol would seem to be called for.

(I mean, calling Paul McCartney a douchebag is soo…1971.)

Anyway, there is a long list of other idols with feet of clay which one can demolish…but for the fact they have already been raked over the coals too many times. Off the top of my head: The Eagles, Billy Joel, Paul Simon, Ian Anderson, Jimmy Page. Then there are the critical darlings –sacred cows who have been canonized and who thus will never be criticized: Phil Ochs, Syd Barrett, Roky Erickson, Skip Spence…and, for that matter, Roy Orbison. Rock criticism is all too predictable. It has long prided itself on recognizing and rewarding “authenticity,” which is faintly ludicrous seeing as how rock and roll is itself a derivative form essentially based on tropes utilized in Western Swing, Bluegrass, shouters and honkers, jump tunes, boogie-woogie and blues.

This article essentially offers the same ooky fascination one feels when reading avowed rock-hater Albert Goldman on Elvis and Lennon.

http://www.laweekly.com/westcoastsound/2014/07/15/the-10-biggest-classic-rock-douchebags?showFullText=true

CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
753. HEY–WHAT ABOUT THAT CRAZY CELEBRITY?

If you’re like most people–and who isn’t?–then you’re probably just
like everybody else.

You think about celebrities 24 hours a day.

You wonder what makes them act this way, and perhaps you realize that
pondering this dilemma has given your own insignificant life added
meaning.

I mean, I don’t want to beat this topic into the ground, but–they’re just nuts!

Not a day goes by that you don’t look at the front page of the paper
and see the following:

CLEVER HEADLINE!

Remember that controversial musician?

Prosecutors declare the notorious musician will soon be investigated
for battery.

“My lawyer has instructed me to not comment at this time” says the
musician to reporters.

And as for me–I. too, bask in the reflected glory of my own
controversial opinion regarding this matter–one that is identical to
millions of others.

In fact, it seems that everybody who makes the news for whatever
reason is, de facto if not de jure, a celebrity.

Because all too often, this is what you read in your typical
establishment newspaper:

STODGY HEADLINE

Remember that controversial sports figure/politician/criminal?

Fans/pundits/prosecutors say/think/declare the notorious sports
figure/politician/criminal will soon be investigated for
drugs/corruption/murder.

“My lawyer has instructed me to not comment at this time” says the
sports figure/politician/criminal to reporters.

What we really ought to be writing about is something like this:

CLEVER CENOTAPH!

Remember that controversial species?

The planet they called “earth’ was made an uninhabitable hellhole by
what one of their number deemed “the damned human race”.

After 16,000 years they have been replaced by a more clever race of
silicon-based androids.

Or maybe even this:

STODGY BUT UNIVERSALLY UNDERSTOOD HEIROGLYPH ON ASTEROID

The Universe began collapsing yesterday.

In spite of its name, the Universe, also known as the “cosmos,” is
survived by other, more distant star systems.

The expanding universe was 13.73 Billion Years old.

The Universe has been advised by its attorney to make no comment at this time.

THE INFORMATION #794 JULY 25, 2014

THE INFORMATION #794
JULY 25, 2014
Copyright 2014 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART TWENTY: THE MAYOR OF HELL

“There is no God but Reality: to seek him elsewhere is the action of
the Fall.” –Sufi saying

Thanks in large part to the ministrations of “Doc” Ketman,  Red Mary
slowly began to recover her senses, but she still frothed at the mouth with
nonsense gab–especially whenever anyone mentioned a priest–and she
would vow to get back at the Reverend John Otis Cross, whom
she heard and was convinced had been rousing the people up against her.

In the meantime, she had developed a hearing problem, and was prone to
saying things like “I see the wind blow, Yob, but I don’t hear it.  So how
do I know it’s really blowing?” And “How strange to see the little birds and not
be able to hear them. Are they always so lively and quiet?”

In all her scattered talk she (rightly) reserved much of her ire for
Cokey Stolas, he who must be obeyed; he who must never be
mentioned in vain, hence her naming of him as “The Big Man” or BM.
The things she started out to say I almost cried out to make some kind
of sense of. But just as I thought I was making progress she then
would begin to ramble some. I guess there’s no cure for wanting to
say what’s on your mind, whether other people want to hear it or not.
Most of us observe the social graces that way, but I guess she just
couldn’t help herself. You got a better sense of what she was like in
all her mad ramblings then when she was sane and sober–because that
was when she kept herself buttoned up. It was as though her madness
freed her to say all the things she had been keeping under wraps.
The fact that she had had a few nips of strong waters behind Doc
Ketman’s back didn’t slow her down none, either,

“If I was the BM,” said she, “so help me God I would clear out the
pimps and punks and jockers from all the cheap dive bars and hotels and rooming
houses. I would sweep away all the bawling tradesmen and low-down
fancy-men from the streets of the city. I swear I would have them killed, and
killed again: all the preachers and the Bible-pounders and the
Go-to-Jesus Men who are creatures of the well-off and well-born; all the jolly bent coppers, their fists dripping with lucre stolen from the mean and forsaken; all
the helplessly sheepish fawney-men who would murder you rather than
cross Mr. Sam Tolliver Orville Louis Andrew Stanislaus. All the Damsels
in Distress and all the Silly Little Mollies who make themselves easy
prey for Wolves and Jockers and Heelers. If only something would come
along and roast all these birds from off’n their perches!  Yellofs as beat
the poor sick horses with the bellows and beadles who stand by and
watch ’em; the cut-throat reporters of the yellow press who see all
and say nothing, save it suits their disposition and their
pocketbooks; the poor binnis as sleep in the brickyards and back of
the bakery; meanwhile their fathers are jack-gaggers on the earie for
fresh hot meat; haunting the dance halls and the burley-Q clubs for
some down-and-out drab in need of a livelihood and turning them out on
the street after a hot feed and a pat on the rump.”

She grew quite heated as she cried out, “All of Noxtown is
full of devils; spies for the BM; bribers who work for the BM;
lobbiers for the BM; washed-up jackass gamblers and down at the heels
sporting men, all of them owing money to the BM; Christian infidels
who swear on the Bible with one hand and loot the pockets of the poor
with t’other, all of them in league with the BM, or very nearly so;
white slavers, black slavers, yellow slavers and just plain ponces,
and all of them beholden to the BM; receivers of stolen goods and
recoverers of stolen goods each with one strong arm twisted through the
strong arm of the other, and all in league with the devil; policy-men
who steal the widow’s mite and the poor man’s penny and hardly ever
come through on the dealio; gunmen who…I need chloral so badly.”

Doc Ketman shook his head No, and she resumed.

“Do you get it now, Yob? Do ye get it? All the world’s a play and we
are strictly walk-ons…Martins and Calvins…Jacks and Johns and Jills and
Jackies…it’s either be a star or stay a bit player all your born
days…beware a star…stars fall…sometimes you can make a splash on
the sidelines…sometimes you can keep your head down, dog, down…the
divas and the stage hogs will trip you up…backstage rats will
clobber you with sandbags if you get too smart…keep one foot pointed
at the door because you never know when the curtain will fall for the
very last time.  Give me some chloral, you devils. “

She looked at Doc Ketman. the answer was still No.

Then she started to rave.

“Giant ladies. Greek satyrs. I’d pave the street with fresh
graveyard dirt so decent folks don’t have to wander though mud and
dust. What a tease. Skull and crossbones. Insane traitors! Ought to
have their brains blown out! The elephant!  Shoot the elephant! Lock
him up in chains. Crucify the polecat! Jungle bunny deluxe. And what
about all them damn lunatic hoss-drovers who run over the sidewalk and
don’t care who they kill? Ought to be horse-whipped their own selves.
The streetcars are a disgrace. The devil clangs the trolley-bell. Hell
to be a woman in this town, or anywheres else.  Nobody can tell ME
what to wear.  I think I would like to wear my hoop skirt. And garters
and bustles. Salty peanuts. Mmm good. A drop of honey. Hell to pay.
Barter me. The way they race their horses around the streets is a
disgrace. Fields of skulls and snakes. Shed a tear for the charioteer.
More misty malarkey. My cat has better sense. Snatch a man
bald-headed.”

Doc Ketman finally gave her a soothing dram, and she quieted down.
Though not for long.

1*SALUTATION
PSYCHEDELIC ROCK SONGS
http://www.youtube.com/attribution_link?a=xa3Jo0tQMaM&u=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D5IKskY9-BDU%26feature%3Dshare

2*REFERENCE
100 MOST EDITED WIKIPEDIA ARTICLES
http://fivethirtyeight.com/datalab/the-100-most-edited-wikipedia-articles/

3*HUMOR
ACCURATE MAP OF AFRICA
http://www.upworthy.com/we-have-been-mislead-by-an-erroneous-map-of-the-world-for-500-years?c=ufb7

4*NOVELTY
HOW TO TELL SOMEONE’S AGE FROM THEIR NAME
http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-to-tell-someones-age-when-all-you-know-is-her-name/

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
WORD OPTIONS FOR WRITERS
http://weareteachers.tumblr.com/post/90368883502/love-this-chart-of-wonderful-words

6* DAILY UTILITY
21 ANTHOLOGIES EVERY AUTHOR SHOULD OWN
http://www.buzzfeed.com/richardthomas/anthologies-every-author-should-own

7*CARTOON
DIGITAL COMICS MUSEUM
http://digitalcomicmuseum.com/
WANTED COMICS #11
http://digitalcomicmuseum.com/index.php?dlid=21158

8*PRESCRIPTION
THE GREATEST ROCK AND ROLL SONG
http://brooklynbugle.com/2014/07/10/this-is-the-greatest-rock-n-roll-song/

9*RUMOR PATROL
RESTAURANTS 2004 VS. 2014
http://news.distractify.com/culture/craigslist-surveillance-restaurant/?v=1

10* LAGNIAPPE
CLASSIC JAZZ ONLINE
http://www.jazz-on-line.com/

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
GOD SAVE THE KINKS: A BIOGRAPHY. By Rob Jovanovic. Aurum Press 2013,
paperback, 330 pages.
A Review by Francis DiMenno.

Rob Jovanovic has written other well-regarded books about musicians,
notably Pavement, Nirvana, Big Star and REM. Here, however, he is
taking on territory which quite a few people have a fanatical interest
in. After all, just about anyone can be a diehard fan of the Beatles
or Stones; however, it takes a special type of personality to be
mesmerized by the Kinks. Sadly, as even the occasionally star-struck
Jovanovic notes, their period of peak popularity took place in the
late 1970s and early 1980s, when they were well past their
prime–pursuing long-deferred mass popularity, particularly in the
United States, by becoming sloppy and obvious and blunting the edges
of their wit. I want to say, as an opinionated devotee, that the rot
started in 1972, with their 11th studio album (going by UK releases and counting
their soundtrack album Percy), “Everybody’s In Show Biz”, with the
maudlin “Celluloid Heroes” and a batch of other, regrettably sub-par
songs rounded out with live renditions of some awful chestnuts (“The Banana Boat Song” anybody?). This was succeeded by a series of albums which, we might charitably say, were more theatrical than strictly musical, with 1975’s “A Soap Opera” as quite possibly the nadir of this period.

That Ray Davies was well on his way to having a nervous breakdown
probably should have been apparent by 1970 and the band’s ninth album,
with the unwieldy title of “Lola vs. Powerman and the Moneygoround
Part One,” in which Mr. Davies devotes several songs to the witty
evisceration of the very music biz sargasso in which he had somehow
managed to survive if not thrive, despite low sales following their
excellent (and possibly untoppable) single “Autumn Almanac.” Jovanovic
is good (in a way that say, an agenda-pursuing critic like Mendelssohn is
not) in giving a fairly objective viewpoint of the band’s
accomplishments; particularly, their recordings. He notes, for instance,
that their first album, “Kinks,” is crammed with the rafters with
cover versions because at that stage the Kinks were, more or less, a
blues-based cover band with a few originals–more like the Stones than
the Beatles. He is not afraid to say that the version of “Dancing in
the Streets,” on 1965’s “Kinda Kinks,” was really quite dire. He
doesn’t give enough emphasis, perhaps, to the great sea change which
took place in the latter part of 1965. “The Kink Kontroversy” featured
breakthrough tracks such as the high-life tinged “I’m On an Island,”
and more personal and heartfelt numbers such as “Where Have All the
Good Times Gone?”

It is the string of albums they recorded from 1966 to 1969–sadly, at
a time when their album sales had started to taper off, and they were
unaccountably barred from touring in the United States–that the Kinks
recorded some of their best work. It may be a consensus viewpoint, but
albums such as “Face to Face,” “Something Else,” “The Kinks Are the
Village Green Preservation Society” and “Arthur” are almost
indisputably the high points of their discography, and Jovanovic
accounts for these records in a way which will enlighten the neophyte
and mollify even the most diehard fanatic.

Jovanovic is also good about noting the major bands who were obviously
influenced by the Kinks: The Jam, XTC, Blur, Oasis and quite a few
others.But he also points out that the Kinks provided such innovations as
deliberate distortion (“You Really Got me”) and Indian influence “See
My Friends”) to pop music. But what we really learn
from this biography that we may not have learned from other books
about the Kinks largely revolves around the oversized personality of
the band’s egocentric leader, who is, perhaps, overly fond of acting
like, as well as proclaiming himself as, a genius. For instance, we
discover that Mick Jagger and John Lennon had, at best, a rivalrous
relationship with Ray Davies; that the Who were inspired by “You
Really Got Me” to write their own breakthrough single, “Can’t
Explain”; that Ray’s brother Dave, although addicted to supernatural
woo-woo and perhaps mildly schizophrenic, was an accomplished songwriter in
his own right but was deliberately held back by his older brother Ray
from contributing more songs to the band. (Mindless Child of
Motherhood, Death of a Clown, Susannah’s Still Alive, Lincoln County,
This Man He Weeps Tonight, and other songs would have made a fine Dave
Davies solo album, but that album, “Hidden Treasures” wasn’t to be
released until 2011, a fact which Jovanovic fails to note in his
otherwise comprehensive discography.) We are told quite enough and not
too much about the band’s managers and early backers and their role;
we are also told just enough and perhaps a little less than we might have liked
about bassist Pete Quaife, drummer Mick Avory, keyboardist John
Gosling and producer Shel Talmy–all of whom were interviewed for this book.
Davies’ affair with Chryssie Hynde is also given a fair amount of
attention–but no more.

Although Ray Davies did not always cover himself with glory from 1973
to 1996, when the band ended, Javanovic’s account of the band in
comparative decline is fair and even-handed rather than thoroughly
dismissive. We are not spared a fairly graphic account of the
personality conflicts within the band, and Ray’s bad behavior on
numerous occasions is neither downplayed nor excused. In short, this
is a compact, easily readable and entertaining history of the band. No
truly startling revelations here, and no compelling insights into anybody’s
character, but perhaps that is more the province of fiction than of a
modest band biography. For indeed, one cannot call this a definitive
biography of Ray Davies, to say nothing of Dave–the narrative
imperative is proceeds too briskly to allow for troublesome (and, some
might say tedious) minutiae. But for those who are interested in a
compact history of the band and its recordings, this book is going
to be difficult to surpass.

CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
752. DOWN BY THE RIVER
“Down by the River,” Neil Young informs us, “I shot my Baby.”

It also sounds like he shot his voice.

THE INFORMATION #793 JULY 18, 2014

THE INFORMATION #793
JULY 18, 2014
Copyright 2014 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.–Buddha

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART NINETEEN: THE MAYOR OF HELL

To be sure, Red Mary had every right to be in a state of nervous collapse.
The forces of reaction were assembling against her, and she knew it.
Cokey Stolas himself was very busy recruiting the Reverend Cross to
speak in his own behalf, striving to ensure that Red Mary and people
like her were driven away from Noxtown.

Cross was glad to be consulted and used as a cat’s paw by the
ingenious Stolas. For once, Reverend John Otis Cross’s arguments were
supple and designed to also appeal to the unsophisticated. He would hold
forth in a corner in Feist’s Cigar Store amid the smell of state tobacco
and pontificate in a low voice to the assembled loafers.

Present on this occasion were the fat Italian tenement
owner Nehemiah Vassago; hard-boiled Philo Marbas, the
liquor-store magnate; pasty-faced Nathaniel Bune, who was a chief
petty clerk in the Mayor’s office; “Foxy” Zepar the local ward-heeler,
who wore a fashionable Van Dyke beard and pince-nez;  young Elsworth
Agares, who was the eldest son of a prominent businessman and
notorious slumlord; and his boon campanion, young ‘Bathless’ Bathin,
the son of the famous ward-heeler of far-off Gleason’s Corner.

“My DEAR friends–and I call you this because you are ALL my
friends–in spite of any past foolishness which was entirely the fault
of a grievous misunderstanding–I come to you waving an olive
branch. I believe with all my heart that because your souls are DEAR
to God, and that as long you do the RIGHTEOUS thing in certain matters
all other sins will be forgiven and you will all of you go to
heaven–provided you get right with the Lord and stop allowing wanton
harlotry in your fair community. I have failed in the past. Perhaps it
was a result of my own sinful nature. But I do not propose to fail
now. Although I am privy to certain advanced knowledge. I have no
preconceived notions in this affair, BUT I SPEAK IN PARTICULAR OF THAT
SCARLET WOMAN AND KNOWN ATHEIST–known as RED MARY. It seems that
lately her name is everywhere–everywhere that unmentionable and
wholly unsanctioned vice is permitted to have free reign. It is not
because of her circumstances that she is depraved. It is part of her
sinful nature. A scorpion must always sting! Anarchy! In her
is everything that God is not!

“It is perhaps not yet time that we are able to extinguish all
harlotry in this community. I do not expect it, any more than the city
fathers have deemed it a priority. But is it not time that we got rid
of a certain scarlet women such as that notorious Red Mary, and all
the unsanctioned whores who refuse to stand the gaff come the Day of
Atonement?

“If we allow a house of sin and deviltry such as the one run by Red
Mary to stand, then what kind of example are we setting for the
impressionable juveniles who roam these streets as vagabonds, or
worse? Can you not see that one bad seed can poison a crop? Do you not
see that the child is father to the man? Can you not see that by
virtue of their natural sinlessness, all good children go to heaven?
Charity, kindness, godliness, patience, temperance, knowledge and
virtue will lead them there. To the land of everlasting life in the
fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. But can you not see that once
they have been corrupted, the path they are on leads straight to
Hellfire?

“For the Devil, my Friends, is the Father of Lies, and God–as I have
said before–GOD will NOT be mocked! On the Day of Judgment God will
reign from the burning pit which the evil one has set aside to punish
smart-alecks and other know-it-alls found who are wanting in the eyes
of an angry God! I myself am but a poor sinner but one who has seen
the light and feels compelled to offer you a GLORIOUS MESSAGE! These
are hard times and we all must work together! We can live in a land OF
MILK AND HONEY! Listen as I bring you the good news! I say OUR SOULS
WILL BE SAVED, AND WE WILL ALL TASTE THE FULL BALM OF GOD’S INFINITE
MERCY!

“But…one person alone cannot accomplish this laudable end. Nay, not
even two. But one dozen men who are good and true–such as the
apostles whom Christ gathered before Him–I am in no way comparable to
him–all credit is due to Mr. Stolas–he is a great man–a truly great
man–twelve men good and true can accomplish ANYTHING.

“Now, I do not blame you if you say ‘Live and Let Love’. Did not Christ
Himself say “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?” And I am
in no way condoning the casting of stones. However, she has not
rendered under Caesar nor unto God! This low behavior cannot be
allowed to continue! Can any of us here assembled allow this flagrant
lack of respect? She is nothing more than a sinful woman so mired in
corruption that she has forfeited the right of protection which we
afford to all goodly members of her fair sex. She has gone into
business for herself, quite successfully too, and has corrupted an
entire neighborhood, and her manly sins are deserving of a manly
punishment!

“Take down this low den of sin, vice and iniquity? Put it to the fire,
and burn it to the ground? No, that would be the easy thing to do. But
that would not be the answer, even if we are in a fiery mood. There
are ways to make lawbreakers pay. We must go to the law. Has this
harlot paid any taxes? No. Has she observed the proprieties?
No. Is she Lowly? Wallowing in the prosperity of her sinful ways? Yes!
This…cannot be allowed!

“Then what is to be done? Do we shoot her? Do we dare? Do we leave her
be? Can we afford to ignore the brazen threat of her wantonness? Or do we
simply run the bold and brazen hussy out of town? That is entirely up to you to
decide. Let us first have a torchlight parade! The cost to us? Mere
pennies. Next to nothing. I’ll supply the torches. Ready-lit.

“A moment’s reflection and we can be off. It’s been done in
other cities and it can be done here. Sad? Surely the necessity is
sad. Perhaps we should shed a tear. But wait! Let us consider: She has
no one to blame but herself. Perhaps an action such as this
one–accompanied by our prayers–shall serve to lead her on the
straight and narrow and save her soul. For good is always better than
evil, come what may!

“If we believe in the power of our righteousness, we shall surely
prevail! Shall we not invest an hour or two and come up with a most
desirable outcome? For she has drawn shame upon the names and
reputations of all the honest businessmen and apostles of business in
Noxtown! Any small measures we take now will pay infinite dividends
for the future. We will not be the first to take steps to eradicate
the scourge–but we must not be the last! Some so-called Men of God
would say ‘Let it be’. Nothing more could be expected of such men. But
I say here and now that we will defy such do-nothing Gospel shirkers!
Because it is not fair to our children, nor to our childrens’
children! I have succeeded in the past, and I will succeed now!

“Frankly, if we rid ourself of one such brothel, the time will come
when all such institutions–I blush to say–may someday be eradicated.
But we are poor sinners ourselves, never let us forget, and we must
limit ourselves to what a small group of apostles brave and true can
accomplish amid the small ambit of our abilities! If we restrain
ourselves now to what we CAN do, the future possibility of what we
WILL do shall be illimitable! For I think–only God Himself is
all-knowing–I think it is clear to all of us now that Red Mary must
go. Her so-called ‘house’ attracts tramps and disreputable criminals of
the most desperate sort. We will gain by eradicating such a
blight–gain in reputation for Godliness, but, mostly, in satisfaction
for a job well-done–a job which other pusillanimous so-called Gospel
exhorters are too cowardly or diffident to essay on their own. The
Road to Glory is strewn with boulders, but let us be unafraid to put
our shoulders to the wheel–and all will be well–in heaven and on
earth!”

Frankly, this speech did not have the desired effect of galvanizing
the crowd into doing anything, but it did give them food for thought,
as we shall soon see.

1*SALUTATION
WIRE
MAP REF 41 N 93 W
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ2RvSHK_B8

2*REFERENCE
PARAPHILIA MAGAZINE ARCHIVE
http://www.paraphiliamagazine.com/magazine.html

3*HUMOR
MAJOR MITE
I found that at one time there was such an individual, who actually
served as a Munchkin, which, to a midget, is kind of like being
nominated for the Nobel Prize.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarence_Chesterfield_Howerton

ALSO SEE:
http://sideshowfreaks.net/2013/04/17/dwarfs-and-midgets/

SEE ALSO
THE VESTIGIAL CLOWN
http://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2014/06/23/the-vestigial-clown/

4*NOVELTY
THE PHANTOM
SHE SAID
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/we_have_pat_boone_to_thank_for_the_most_psychotic_and_deranged_rockabilly_r

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
STRESS
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2014/07/07/327322187/stressed-out-americans-tell-us-about-stress-in-their-lives

6* DAILY UTILITY
TOXIC BEHAVIORS
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20140620200646-17850276-6-toxic-behaviors-that-push-people-away-how-to-recognize-them-in-yourself-and-change-them?_mSplash=1

7*CARTOON
THE PROBLEM WITH DC COMICS
http://www.businessinsider.com/dc-copies-marvel-2014-6

8*PRESCRIPTION
ALUMINUM FOIL HACKS
http://www.answers.com/lifestyle/diy/15-aluminum-foil-hacks-to-simplify-your-life

9*RUMOR PATROL
JIMMY SAVILE
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/jimmy-savile-abuse-report-set-to-reveal-accounts-of-sex-offences-in-dozens-of-nhs-hospitals-9563974.html

10* LAGNIAPPE
NILSSON
ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmIWgoy0Sz0

ALSO SEE:
LIFE LINE
Down to the bottom Hello, is there anybody else here? It’s cold and
I’m so lonely Hello, is there anybody else here? Hello, won’t you
throw me down a Life Line? I’m so afraid of darkness And down here,
it’s just like night time Oohs, are all around me Hello, will you
please send down a Life Line? Down and there isn’t any hope for me
Unless this dream which seems so real Is just a fantasy….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S9_VBRzhok

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
DONDI
Dondi still haunts my nightmares. Those lifeless, dish-sized ears;
those cold, dead-looking eyes. I fear those eyes! HIS eyes! I can
see…forever! They are the black pools of the stygian depths of that
bourne whence no traveler ever returns. You can almost see within them
the writhings of sinners in the hands of an angry God, the wailing and
gnashing of teeth, and the unkind luster of the preying mantis as she
devours her incognizant mate.

SEE ALSO:
DONDI RIP
http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1917&dat=19860524&id=WgwhAAAAIBAJ&sjid=XnIFAAAAIBAJ&pg=3702%2C6527219

ALSO SEE:
SEE YOU IN THE FUNNY PAPERS
By far the wors[t] comic strip ever that I can remember growing up is
Dondi. Dondi was an Italian war orphan who happened upon an Italian
farmhouse occupied by U.S. soldiers at the lingering end of World War
II. No one could figure out who Dondi’s parents were, so he just
stayed with the “Joes,” shining their boots, and handwashing their
dirty socks and underwear. Dondi never aged but still managed to
remember details of World War II with amazing clarity, even in 1969.
Dondi debuted in 1955, and much of the early strip focused on Dondi’s
acclimation to American society. Eventually, his origins as an adopted
World War II war orphan were de-emphasized, and Dondi became just
another small-town kid having adventures with the Explorers Club,
comprised of his three idiot friends Eddy, the stupid one; Baldy, the
scrappy one whose bangs covered his eyes; and bespectacled, bookish
Web. Dondi also had a small dog named Queenie, which gives you some
idea of the kind of fag Dondi really was. I could also never figure
out the pronounciation of Dondi’s mother’s name, Katje. Was the “j”
silent or did it have a soft “g” sound?

Dondi was dark and depressing, especially during his annual summer
adventure with his adopted grandmother, “Grandma McGowan,” a rich,
society lady who took a shining to the dark-eyed lad, and would lose
him places like Rio de Janeiro, forcing Dondi to sleep in rat-infested
alleys. Hasbro created a Dondi board game, and a film version of Dondi
starring David Janssen and six-year-old David Kory in the title role,
is often credited as “the worst movie ever made.” During the 1970s,
almost 30 years after World War II ended, a serviceman named Jim Dante
showed up claiming to be Dondi’s biological father, and for several
weeks, a bitter custody battle ensued. Finally, Dondi was put out of
his misery in the early 1980s, after Katje returned to work and was
sexually harassed by her boss, causing Dondi and Ted to come and save
Katje from being raped by her lecherous boss during a business trip.
http://laswansong.blogspot.com/2005/12/see-you-in-funny-papers.html

CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
751. BEN STEIN
Ben Stein got konked on the head by some airline luggage some 15 years
ago and his writing hasn’t been the same since then.
http://jezebel.com/ben-stein-writes-truly-bizarre-essay-on-being-a-creepy-1599361600

ALSO SEE:
Ben Stein vs. Peter Schiff.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZyvnWFbR84

THE INFORMATION #792 JULY 11, 2014

THE INFORMATION #792
JULY 11, 2014
Copyright 2014 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

We are what our thoughts have made us; so take care about what you
think. Words are secondary. Thoughts live; they travel far.
–Swami Vivekananda

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART EIGHTEEN: THE MAYOR OF HELL

“The devil is everywhere that God is not. “

These were the hoarse words of Red Mary, who seemed to be in the grip
of some delirium. I started to get up as if to leave the room but Doc
Ketmen held me in my seat at the foot of her bed with a surprising
grip of iron. “Hear her out” said Ketman, “The talk is part of the
cure.”

“To be sure,” said Red Mary, looking the slightest bit frazzled as she
balanced an ill-fitting wig atop her head and barely withstood the
temptation to pluck at the tangled stray hairs which protruded from
it, “God is everywhere. How can we even understand it. “

She then wiped her dry lips, leaving a smear of lip paint on her
ruffled shirt, and began to speak more rapidly. “But I tell you now
that the devil is everywhere God is not. Swiss cheese is the Devil. I
won’t have it in my house. All the fractions. The number zero. Is it even
a number, though? The sun is God. The sun ain’t so hot. The moon
cold. The moon is evil. Be careful on nights when the moon in high.
Because me and everyone else will go crazy. Sugar is sweet.
Mustard is the devil. Man is the day. Woman the night.

And then her eyes rolled up in the back in her head and she began to
talk more rapidly still. “I’m glad you’re young. I hate talking to old
tricks because you always have to repeat everything you say.  Doughnut
holes. Screen doors. Waffles. Between you and me. East of the sun and
west of the moon.  Urgent matter. Coal–the devil’s diamonds.
Coffee–the devil’s brew. Kerosene. Machinery–Satan’s mills.  In the
country, God is everywhere you look. Shakespeare was a bad boy but
he turned out well. You expect a boy to be a little bad. Woe forbid a
girl be so. She is ruined forever after. What’s sauce for the gander
ain’t no sauce for the goose. Six of one or half a dozen of the other.
I’ve certainly been cheated. Things that happened yesterday.  Trip the
light fantastic. Nobody’s having much fun these days. I’ve been jinxed
by the ghost of Mamie O’Rourke.  God is one. The devil is in the
number zero. Never sell for an even number. Hot Cross Buns,
nine-a-dozen. Nobody’s giving away twenty-dollar gold pieces that I
know of.”

“In the city, forget about it. Never mind that. The Kiddies are
poor–oh so poor. And they see such bad things. Useless to preach
thrift. Tell them to go away from that place. You might as well tell
them to stop eating.  They take the slum wherever they go. Bad
practices. The girls and young women know of no better example. Man is
a wicked angel. Fallen Woman is fallen angel. Therefore Woman is
devil. Trees are God. Vines are the devil. Flowers are God. Weeds are
Satan. Seeds are God. Roots are devil. In the well-tended garden is
Godden. The forest is God and Devil both. That weed-strewn lot where
the sumac grows. The empty waste spaces of the city. The rubble-strewn
dump. The garbage under the bridge. All on account of Satan. Wherever
you smell the smell of rotten eggs, there bides He. Useless, useless.
His name is Legion. Please…don’t let them take my soul.

“Those smokestacks yonder on the horizon? Who but Satan. The time
clock, the printing press, the Zoo? Satan, to be sure. In a fly’s eye.
In the gills of fishes. Goose egg. Winter and the fall is the devil;
spring and summer is God. To stand upright is Godly, to crawl on hands
and knees is a disgrace in the sight of the Lord. Do take care that ye
live beautifully, or not at all. A day in the country. Look out for
coppers. They’re often a sight no better than crooks. They’re paid
to not guard us.”

Red Mary then grew melancholy as she concluded her litany. “Can is
God. Can’t is the Devil. The sound of coins clinking on a counter is
the devil’s farts. The shuffle of bills.  Get back in my pocket, Mr.
Penny–you’re with the Yaller Boys. Doctor God and Attorney Satan.
Venetian Blinds. Bundt cakes. Knotholes. Though some see the eye of
God in a knothole. I can’t believe that God has the time to be
watching me from a piece of wood. But the devil is a peep artist as
has all the time in the world, and that’s why I say that knotholes are
the mark of the devil. Most wallpaper is devilish–especially in cheap
hotels. An empty cradle. One pair of baby shoes, never used. Ditches.
Empty graves. Doorknockers, believe it or not. Hair, once it is cut
off. Don’t kill busy little Mr. Bee. His wee life is sacred. But the
buzzing of bees is the voice of Satan. Beehives are hosts of The Evil
One. Tenement buildings are hives. The United States Congress. Most of
all!  The two-dollar bill. The eye sockets of a skull. Missing teeth.
Dentures. Eyeglasses are Satan’s mirrors. Lightning rods, as are
contrary to God’s will. Let me finish! Conical hats. Feather dusters.
Paper fans. Bats. Cellos. Kettle drums. Apothecaries. Snakes. Bad
fumes. The clear blue sky in heaven. A stormy day in hell. “

Here, her overburdened mind began to finally slow down. Ketman got her
to drink a draft of warm hop tea, and she finally lie down on her bed,
to sleep the sleep of the demon haunted. But before she shut her lids
she looked us both in the eyes and said “Stolas. Stolas Stolas Stolas.
Never forget: He’s the very Mayor of Hell.”

1*SALUTATION
OMD
ENOLA GAY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=d5XJ2GiR6Bo

2*REFERENCE
10 Scientific Ideas That Scientists Wish You Would Stop Misusing
http://io9.com/10-scientific-ideas-that-scientists-wish-you-would-stop-1591309822

3*HUMOR
PAUL FREES
HEY JUDE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=xwKKFn_hczQ

4*NOVELTY
PSYCHO KILLER WITH A DULCIMER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=GYlA2WcZ2mE

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
HIPSTER BABY NAMES
http://elitedaily.com/humor/list-hipster-baby-names-bad-imagined/646245/

6* DAILY UTILITY
CORPORATE BS GENERATOR
http://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html

7*CARTOON
SOVIET ANTIRELIGIOUS PROPAGANDA
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/the_gory_and_grotesque_art_of_soviet_antireligious_propaganda1

8*PRESCRIPTION
THE DARK SIDE OF THE RAINBOW GATHERING
http://www.vice.com/read/the-dark-side-of-the-rainbow-gathering?utm_source=vicefbus

9*RUMOR PATROL
FACEBOOK MANIPULATED USER FEEDS
http://www.forbes.com/fdc/welcome_mjx.shtml

10* LAGNIAPPE
ART JARRETT
BUCKLE DOWN WINSOCKI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o76ABAUm0JU&feature=kp

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
THE FALL AND FALL OF GORDON RAMSEY
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/news/the-fall-and-fall-of-gordon-ramsay-1674269.html

11A BOOKS READ AND REVIEWED
100 OF THE WORST IDEAS IN HISTORY. SMITH & KASUM. ***1/2
ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN 1. ***
ARNOLD NEWMAN: THE EARLY WORK. ****
BEFORE WATCHMEN: COMEDIAN/RORSCHACH. ****
BEFORE WATCHMEN: NITE OWL/DR. MANHATTAN. ****
BEFORE WATCHMEN: OZYMANDIUS/CRIMSON CORSAIR. ***1/2
BLACK PATHS. DAVID B. ****1/2
BOUTS OF MANIA. HOFFER. ****
BRUCE GILDEN. ****
CHARLES DICKENS. SMILEY. ****
DETROIT. LEDUFF. ****
DIAL H FOR EXCHANGE. ***
FRANKENSTEIN AGENT OF SHADE. ***1/2
GREEN RIVER KILLER. JENSEN. ***1/2
HOWARDS END. FORSTER. ****
IRON MAN: BELIEVE. ***1/2
INCORRUPTIBLE 2. WAID. ***1/2
INCORRUPTIBLE 3. WAID. ***1/2
INCORRUPTIBLE 4. WAID. ****
INCORRUPTIBLE 6. WAID. ***1/2
THE JUNGLE. KUPER. ***1/2
JUSTICE LEAGUE 4. THE GRID. ***
MAN ON THE RUN. DOYLE. ***
MARCEL PROUST. WHITE. ****
NEW AVENGERS 5. BENDIS. ***
NICHOLAS NICKLEBY. DICKENS. ***
PICTURING WILL. BEATTIE. ***
RAND HOLMES: THE ARTIST HIMSELF. ***1/2
THE SEDUCTION OF HILLARY RODHAM. BROCK. ***1/2
SUPERIOR CARNAGE. **
SUPERIOR SPIDER-MAN 4. ***
SUPERIOR SPIDER-MAN TEAM UP. ***1/2
THE TRIPLE PACKAGE. CHIA & RUBENFELD. ***
WEEGEE’S WORLD. BARTH. ****

CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
750. WHAT IS PUNK?
http://flavorwire.com/99393/what-is-punk-25-definitions-from-people-who-should-know