THE INFORMATION #946 JUNE 23, 2017 

THE INFORMATION #946
JUNE 23, 2017
Copyright 2017 FRANCIS DIMENNO
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com 


She…can talk brilliantly upon any subject provided she knows nothing about it. ― Oscar Wilde

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE 
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN 
CHAPTER ELEVEN: PART TWENTY-NINE: DAYS OF WRATH

It was an oppressively hot early evening in late spring, and Count Victor Justin was more than mildly intoxicated, although, to his credit, he didn’t show it much. But Cadger Tandy could tell he had been drinking, because he walked extra slowly and extra carefully along the steamy cobblestoned streets.

“Yob, did I ever tell you? I had a friend who was a college professor,” said the Count to young Cadger Tandy, “He came over from Italy, years ago. Something to do with escaping conscription. His name was Dottore Otremo. And Otremo maintained that, far from being the best country in the world, the United States is actually the worst country in the world. I think he was just being contrary to make a point, and for the sake of argument, but this is what he said. 

“‘That the Italians have fallen far, I admit. The Greeks, even further. But you Americans cannot, it seems, fall much lower. For you have never reached a great height from which to fall. What passes for genius among your tribe is a scandal. Any grim trick or, how you say, filthy stunt which is calculated to make a bundle is greeted with universal acclaim, no matter how meretricious.This is the nature, I think, of all Republics which have become empires. A certain deadening of culture, and a decided flattening out of the prevailing, how you say, aesthetic is the preordained result. The purely beautiful is reduced to its mercantilist essence: What’s in it for me? Everything, in short, becomes a matter of money. And you can tell that the men in the United States are degraded by the fact that they have become so adept at obeying the whims of their women.’

“I violently disagreed, Yob, with most of what he had to say, but I do think that Otremo had a point when it came to women. Especially those God-damned Suffragetists, always agitating for the vote. Why do they want to vote, anyway? In this country, they already have the men in a state of near imbecile dependency.

“I’ll give you an example. I had a client, Tony McHackinn. I call him a client because he used to pay me to give him advice. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t bother wising up a sucker, even for money, but he had some pull with certain politicians, and so…well, one hand scratches the other.

“He came one evening to the Seven Stars, where I was holding court, as it were, and he told me a tale of ignominious woe. His wife is an evil witch, says he, and he could see no way of escaping her, short of suicide. Divorce was out of the question, as it would disgrace the family, though why he should give a rat’s ass about that is a mystery for the ages–though I think it had something to do with a trust fund. Which is how he was able to afford my services in the first place. 

“Apparently, it was a marriage made in heaven and lived in hell. Actually, his family put him up to marrying her, because they thought her folks had money, which they did, though not much. Mostly, all they had was a good name. And, as we both know, that and a nickel will buy you a nickel cigar. 

“He met her at a funeral parlor. She had a job putting powder and paint on newly embalmed corpses. I’m guessing that she worked there so her clients couldn’t run away from her. Even then, she had flabby jowls that made her resemble a hound-dog made of wax which got caught out in the sun. She had a body like a gorilla made of peach ice cream. She was a hideously saggy gasping homunculus who resembled a sixty-year-old fetus that lived exclusively on a diet of suet and lard dumplings. In virtually every respect she was the sort of fat hag who, 300 years ago, would have been subjected to the ducking stool on a daily basis, as an incorrigible scold. To make matters even worse, she fancied herself some sort of prodigy. She had an uninformed opinion about any topic imaginable. And she also had a bad habit of loudly braying, in a coarse voice, about the shortcomings of men and women infinitely more accomplished than herself. She had never met a social inferior whom she wouldn’t subject to interminable hectoring and bullying, nor had she ever encountered a social superior over whom she wouldn’t fawn in the most repulsive and reprehensible manner. She did have one good quality, however–she always warmed the water in a bucket before she drowned a sackful of kittens in it. 

“Tony McHackinn was frantic with sleeplessness and anxiety. He told me that he had to get away from her before she sent him to an early grave–but he just couldn’t see how. 

“I told him he must kill her. He demurred. I then told him that he should adopt the most fiendish strategy of all–one taught to me by a Hindoo adept named Swami Iyham. I declared that he must kill her with kindness. 

“‘And how do I do that?’ says he.

“So I said, ‘Buy a sword…Name it kindness…And kill her with kindness….’

“And then I explained to him that he should present her with all the things her grasping little heart desired–and that, sooner or later, she would hoist herself on her own petard, so to speak. I told him to fire the Cook. Eat out at fancy restaurants every night. Agree with everything she says. Let her buy all the shoes and clothing she wants. Give her roses, chocolates, a cute puppy. Before long she’ll wonder what your game is. It will drive her crazy.  Soon, she will be surfeited with what you give her. She will look for excuses to argue, and she will find none. And that will drive her utterly and irrevocably insane.

“‘But what if it doesn’t work?’ says Tony.

“Well, I told him, then here’s what you do. You go to the pharmacy and you get some capsules with quinine and morphine, and the next time she develops a stomachache from all those rich sauces and dressings, you dose her with one of those pills. And then you give her another. Only, this time, you’ve replaced the quinine with five grains of pure morphine. That’ll kill her, sure. And then, when she is dying, you get an eyedropper and squirt belladonna in her eyes. That will keep the physician from noticing that her pupils are constricted.

“I can’t say for certain whether or not Tony actually took my advice. In my experience, a lot of men think of killing their wives, but very few actually go ahead and do it.

“But…for many years afterward, he would always send me a fruit basket for Christmas.”

1*SALUTATION

THE KINKS

UNCLE SON 

(ALTERNATE VERSION)

Liberals dream of equal rights,
Conservatives live in a world gone by,
Socialists preach of a promised land,
But old Uncle Son, was an ordinary man.

Unionists tell you when to strike,
Generals tell you when to fight,
Preachers tell you wrong from right,
They’ll feed you when you’re born,
And use you all your life.
Bless you Uncle Son,
They won’t forget you when the revolution comes.

https://youtu.be/7YD5xQNRVgc

ALSO SEE: 

SCRAPHEAP CITY (SINGLE VERSION)

https://youtu.be/nQyEuDZ0zQc

ALSO SEE: 

20TH CENTURY MAN (REMIX)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jCwyVmCtyk

SEE ALSO: 

THE KINKS IN CONCERT (1973)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smIF5374bTw

2*REFERENCE

THE FICTION SUIT

http://sequart.org/magazine/10642/fiction-suit/

3*HUMOR

STEVEN WRIGHT

https://youtu.be/eJCMjJwIGxY

4*NOVELTY 

EMBARASSING SEX

www.romper.com/p/13-embarrassing-but-normal-things-that-happen-during-sex-807

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST

METH LOLLIPOPS

http://www.cnn.com/2017/06/13/health/texas-meth-candy-lollipops-bust-trnd/index.html

6* DAILY UTILITY

SWITCH TO SPRINT: GET ONE YEAR FREE

https://www.sprint.com/en/shop/offers/free-unlimited.html?ECID=vanity:1yearfree

7*CARTOON

HEROIN ABUSE IN VIETNAM

Here’s one of the rarest anti-heroin comics of the 60s or 70s. A govt-issued “COMIC BOOK” on heroin abuse in Vietnam, distributed in a literature pack at a small dispensary in Can Tho. Part of the “Army Airfield Dispensary with Project Rebuild” …. Due to the real rarity of this thing, below might be the only existing copy.
www.ep.tc/problems/57

ALSO SEE: 

JOHN PRINE 

SAM STONE

https://youtu.be/Sl9ZkYViEIs

8*PRESCRIPTION

ESSENTIAL ROCK B-SIDES

ultimateclassicrock.com/b-sides/
www.vh1.com/news/35050/best-rock-rarities-albums/
wxrt.cbslocal.com/2015/06/29/10-of-the-best-b-sides-in-rock-roll-history/
rockmyworld.com/top-10-greatest-b-sides-time/
www.smoothradio.com/best-music/most-amazing-songs-released-as-b-sides/
www.nme.com/photos/35-essential-b-sides-as-selected-by-nme-com-users-1430841
whatculture.com/music/12-best-b-sides-of-all-time
plusheartstar.com/2013/08/hit-songs-that-were-b-sides/
www.classicpopicons.com/top-10-b-side-hits/
www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/the-surprise-b-side-the-flipside-was-often-top-of-the-pops-6282711.html

9*RUMOR PATROL 

FBI Director Hoover’s Dirty Files: Excerpt From Ronald Kessler’s ‘The Secrets of the FBI’

http://www.thedailybeast.com/fbi-director-hoovers-dirty-files-excerpt-from-ronald-kesslers-the-secrets-of-the-fbi

10* LAGNIAPPE

MOUSE AND THE TRAPS 

A PUBLIC EXECUTION

https://youtu.be/LqmzLgoWl3w

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA

Quora: Q: What is a fun psychological trick to try on someone?


A:Kevin D. Aslan, Entrepreneur, Author, Podcaster
The Five Questions Game.

When I was a broke student in London, I used to go up to strangers in the pub and bet a beer on this one – and I never paid for a drink once. It plays both on a person’s niceness and their ego, so one way or another, you know they’re going down!

Not 4, nor 6. If you reach 7, you have gone 2 too far.

The premise is simple. Let’s say I met this guy John. I offer to play the five questions game: I’ll ask five simple questions, and he has to lie to all five. If he manages to lie to all of them, he wins a beer. If he gets one right, I win a beer.

Me: So what’s your name?

John: Bruno.

Me: Ha! I can tell you’re a Bruno Mars fan. Interesting. How tall are you?

John: 12 feet.

Me: (Looking up) Yeah, that’s definitely a lie Bruno. Ok, what beautiful country are you from?

John: Germany.

Me: Haha, Bruno, I said a beautiful country, but sure… (hesitates)… wait, how many questions was that?

John: Three.

Me: Go get me a beer.

Now this assumes John is a nice guy, who loses because he helpfully provides an answer to me. Sometimes though, John is a douche.

Me: Haha, Bruno, I said a beautiful country, but sure… (hesitates)… wait, how many questions was that?

John: Seven (grins wickedly).

Me: Nooooooo! Ah fuck. Damn, you got me. Ah. You’re good. Damn. I mean… come on, did you ever play this game before?

John: (still incredibly proud) No man, never.

Me: Go get me a beer.

Works EVERY time.

12* CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE

ON WRITING
Don’t write: Console yourself with soothing guff,
As if the lies you’ve lived by weren’t enough.
Misfortunes come from too much reading
When you’ve got no fortune and you’ve got no breeding.
The word is too much with us, soon and late
We come to be the person people love to hate.
This sad truth is confess’d and it isn’t funny;
Not even fools take up the pen expecting money.
Anyone can publish; this is what it breeds;
A world where everybody writes and no one reads.
With faint praise critics come to your defense;
His writing’s like an angel’s but he has no sense.
But fail to please the public with insipid yarns
And your work will be remaindered to be sold in barns.
The greatest insight that I’ve ever had
Is this: That writing makes you truly mad.
Atlas holding up the world is quite absurd;
It’s difficult enough to hold up the word.
I hate to sound a cynic or resort to labels:
Uncertain the career misspent in crafting fables.

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