THE INFORMATION #878 MARCH 4, 2016

THE INFORMATION #878
MARCH 4, 2016
Copyright 2016 FRANCIS DIMENNO
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

No one hates his job so heartily as a farmer. – H. L. Mencken

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER TEN: PART SIXTY: KINGDOM COME

“So,” said Count Victor Justin to his barroom cronies, “my very own Mammy wasn’t very affectionate or even very patient with me. For that, I blame her own mother. That old ‘ooman was as formidable a battle-axe as you were ever likely to encounter. Steel-gray hair frozen in a perpetual bun. Alternately sullen and loudly profane. Always swatting the air around her and groaning about the god-damned flies. A real hillbilly. Smoked a corncob pipe until she was 91. Never learned to read or write. Her people crossed the mountains in a covered wagon. Fought red Injuns. Never sick so much as a day in her life. Kept a little bag of asafetida around her neck. Claimed it kept her well. Superstitious old hag. I just couldn’t get over her iron hair caught up in a tight bun. You could see the furrows in her forehead were on account of she never laughed or even smiled. Thin as a rail. Kept me from getting fat. She never fed me. She practically starved me the whole time I was with her. Said a hungry boy is too weak to get up to any mischief. But she fed the old hound dogs on the place quite well. She used to pick herbs in the woods. Wouldn’t be surprised if she was some kind of witchy woman. You think I’m kidding around with you, but I’m not. This time. I like to discuss all manners of things. Not Gramma. She didn’t. She only had two topics of conversation–the Lordie, and how life was a hard proposition for us pore sinners. And how it is a sin against Jesus to dress a boy up like a girl. Among other depravities–like card-playin’, and dancin’, and using any sort of face paint or wearing any sort of fancy dress other than one made from an old feed sack. 

“Every summer Mammy would send me to her Mother’s farm. I dreaded it. Like I said before, I never was cut out for hard work of any kind, unless it involved fleecing a rube or a sucker for a large cash reward. And to think that when I was a sprout, I would see grown men jingle the change in their pockets–and I would think they must be rich. Now I know better. Only pikers carry loose change. I always arrange my money in a Chicago bankroll–a couple of hundreds on the outside for flash, and a whole bunch of ones to dispense largesse to porters and the like. 

“Down on the farm with Granma Miller. Milking the cows, I used to dread. Squeezing those big bags and squiting the milk into a tin bucket at five in the morning. It would sometimes take me up to half an hour to complete the chore. I was so bad at it I was excused from that duty. That’s when I learned that if you act stupid, you can get away with all manners of things. That’s my religion. There is no good ner bad; there’s only what you get away with, or don’t. That’s a fact that women can’t seem to get through their pretty little heads. ‘You can’t do that!’ ‘Well, I did do it, and I got away with it too. And I’ll do it again, whenever I please!’ Why are women so bossy? Especially my Grandmama. I’m standing there up to my knees in muck, slopping the hogs, and she’s telling me I’m not doing it right. Tell me–how hard can it be? You mix the corn meal with the skimmed milk and you throw in some table scraps and bring it down to the hog pen. Simple, no? Even a low-level idiot could master that operation. Even a slow-witted toddler could do it. Even a U.S. Congressman–but I repeat myself. But it seems that I was always doing something wrong. Digging holes for fence posts. Hot and dusty work. But even that simple task was one I could not perform to the old woman’s exacting specifications. So I figured that the more I was picked on, the stupider I would act. Something would come of it. This acting job must be what led me to my current career as a grifter.

“The noble farmer–bah! That idiotic dirt farm was enough to make me swear off of fresh air for all the rest of my natural born days! Reduced to eating locusts in the starving times and wiping your ass with corn cobs!  Who needs it? Not me! I’ll tell the world!

“Farmers are some of the dumbest yellofs you’ll ever meet. Your average Rube is a slack-jawed imbecile too stupid to tie his own shoelaces. If they had any gumption, they’d be sailors in the British Navy, or soldiers in the French Foreign Legion, or prisoners on Devil’s Island. They’d be general storekeepers in a plague-infested desert souk, or hardscrabble gold miners on a played-out claim. Anything but the horror of working on the farm! All those tales of the sex-starved farmer’s daughter? They happen to be true, though what they don’t tell you is that she’s ugly as sin. Many a travelling salesman has gotten hitched at the business end of a shotgun due to an ill-considered liaison with one of these gruesome doxies. The progeny resulting from such a mating is predictable. A wandersome moron with all the intelligence of a ceiling fan. Did I ever tell you that they don’t have dental care in many parts of the country? No, they just call the horse-doctor and he brings a heavy-duty set of pliers. Did I ever tell you that the barefoot farmer’s boy is likely infested with hookworms, which make him even slower and stupider than he already is? Did I tell you that the average farmer’s child only attends school for about three months of the year, and that’s only if he’s lucky enough to have parents who even bother to send him at all? Did I tell you that when the crops are bad due to droughts and tornadoes, some of these shitkickers are forced to live on turnip greens and squirrel’s brains? 

“They universally despise city slickers, and see them as a race of godforsaken bottle-suckers, barn-burners and well-poisoners. It kind of makes you wonder then, why the clodhoppers go to the county fair once a year to be uniformly fleeced by a rabble of low-down carnies. I think it’s so they can see a side of real living…which staring behind a plough at a scrawny mule’s ass utterly fails to evoke.”   

1*SALUTATION

Thumbs & Curly

Lil Liza Jane

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHBdUuYKM6I

2*REFERENCE

EVERY ISSUE OF OZ, LONDON’S LEGENDARY PSYCHEDELIC NEWSPAPER, IS AVAILABLE ONLINE

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/every_issue_of_oz_londons_legendary_psychedelic_newspaper_is_available_onli

3*HUMOR

Yoko Ono: artist? Or shrieking, Beatles-snuffing hag?

http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/advice/a1117/esq0506af-56/

ALSO SEE:

http://www.spin.com/2016/02/yoko-ono-beatles-breakup-nothing-to-do-john-lennon-us-weekly-interview/

4*NOVELTY

Dating back to 1400 BC, this is the oldest surviving melody and it sounds totally amazing

https://m.thevintagenews.com/2016/01/01/43554/

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST

WHY POLITICAL PUNDITS ARE BECOMING MORE WRONG

http://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/why-political-pundits-are-becoming-more-wrong

6* DAILY UTILITY

Free Tools to Keep Those Creepy Online Ads From Watching You

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/18/technology/personaltech/free-tools-to-keep-those-creepy-online-ads-from-watching-you.html

7*CARTOON

COMPLETELY UNUSABLE STOCK PHOTOS

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/60-completely-unusable-stock-photos#.jcWaBGkK9o

8*PRESCRIPTION

The political preferences of U.S. religious groups

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/02/23/u-s-religious-groups-and-their-political-leanings/ft_16-02-22_religionpoliticalaffiliation_640px-2/
9*RUMOR PATROL

Fact Checking Absurd Memes Attacking Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders
http://www.forwardprogressives.com/fact-checking-some-of-the-most-absurd-anti-hillary-clinton-and-bernie-sanders-memes/

SEE ALSO:

HOW AMERICA MADE TRUMP UNSTOPPABLE

“We asked for a thoughtful reform of both the political and economic systems after the 2008 crash and none was forthcoming. Instead, our government just sent more fake money to those who are the problem and did so in the name of the democratic party as the democrats clamoured for more and more free cash obtained through bribery and blackmail (see Clinton Foundation). So, stronger and more violent alternatives to governmental intransigence must now be entertained. Overturning a defunct and completely self serving political realm has always been The People’s nuclear option to these impasses through all of recorded time.”–Mark Anderson

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/how-america-made-donald-trump-unstoppable-20160224

ALSO SEE:

David Duke: Voting against Trump is ‘treason to your heritage’

http://www.politico.com/story/2016/02/david-duke-trump-219777

SEE ALSO:

Donald Trump: I Don’t Want David Duke’s Endorsement

http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/donald-trump-i-dont-want-david-dukes-endorsement-n416566

ALSO SEE:

THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO STOP TRUMP NOW

http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a42416/how-to-stop-trump/

10* LAGNIAPPE

NOT JUST FOR JOHN HUGHES FILMS: OMD WERE A MUCH BETTER GROUP THAN THEY GET CREDIT FOR

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/orchestral_manoeuvres_in_the_dark_were_a_much_better_group_than_they_get_cr

ALSO SEE:

THE MANUFACTURED INVENTION OF THE BEATLES

“The fact that “The Beatles” had their music and lyrics written for them by Theo Adorno was concealed from public view.” John Coleman, former MI6 agent.

https://tabublog.com/2015/12/26/the-manufactured-invention-of-the-beatles-stones-grateful-dead-and-the-birth-of-rock-n-roll-by-the-tavistock-institute-a-jesuit-corporation/

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD

It wasn’t about mockingbirds at all. And I wanted to know how to kill them, and I still don’t. What a disappointment.

CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
837. BEST GRAPHIC NOVELS OF 2015

RUN LIKE CRAZY, RUN LIKE HELL. TARDI & MARCHETTE.

DISPLACEMENT: A TRAVELOGUE. KNISLEY.

MARCH: BOOK TWO. LEWIS.

THE GRAPHIC CANON OF CHILDREN’S LITERATURE. KICK.

IN SEARCH OF LOST TIME. PROUST, HEUET & GOLDHAMMER.

HIP-HOP FAMILY TREE 3. PISKOR. 

OUT ON THE WIRE. ABEL.

ANN TENNA. MARCHETTO.

KILLING AND DYING. TOMINE.

TERRORIST. REHR.

TRASHED. BACKDERF.

BITCH PLANET 1. EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE.

SUPER MUTANT MAGIC ACADEMY. TAMAKI.

SOUTHERN BASTARDS. AARON & LATOUR.

SOLDIER’S HEART. TYLER.

ROSALIE LIGHTNING. HART.

EMPIRE: UPRISING. WAID.

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