THE INFORMATION #872
JANUARY 22, 2016
Copyright 2016 FRANCIS DIMENNO
If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman.–Margaret Thatcher
WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER TEN: PART FIFTY-FOUR: KINGDOM COME
After a few days respite, Count Victor Justin returned to his old stomping grounds, in fine fettle, if somewhat the worse for wear. As outside the winter winds blew and as he sat inside the Seven Stars Saloon, ordering round after round and growing progressively more foozled, his talk turned to the ways and wiles of the fairer sex, and then and there he revealed some very interesting information. “I find that nine times out of ten, and them’s good odds, that Womenfolk, if folk they be, are only in it for the main chance. Once they’ve managed to snag a Yellof, it’s Katy Bar the Door, because that’s all she wrote. Men are capable of being truly attached to a Brum, because men are stupid that way. They confuse feeling good for an era of good feelings. That is far from the case. Women unsheathe their claws just as soon as the trap snaps closed on the hapless Yob’s foot. I should know; I’ve been married several times to several little ladies, sometimes all at the same time. It’s easy to kid them along. Just say “I Love You,” followed by “Marry Me.” ‘Like a choim, it woiks.’ But who’s kidding who? They snag you with a soft voice and a honeyed glance; sometimes the wenches even have the nerve to sing to you. But, all too soon, she’ll have you dancing to her tune like a chicken on a hot plate. Oh! Shiver me timbers! Next, she’ll be feeding you worms. ‘For better or for worse.’ Far worse. ‘Not richer in money, but richer in love.’ Haw!
“There are certain progressive types as say that women should get the vote and should be able to smoke cigarettes and order a drink in a low saloon, just like a man, and although I have never turned down a look at a shapely ankle, I say such ideas are heretical nonsense. Not that the world will end, or anything like that.
“But do we really want a Tottie with her tainted Bumbo mooching about, ruining all our favorite haunts with her dainty nonsense and the smell of fish?? I’ll be the one to say what nobody else is willing to say: Women are a certified pain to be around. I can see nothing good about allowing women to vote. What will become of us if we are forced to follow her edicts de jure as well as de facto? Children will be raised upon a throne, at the expense of menfolk. More schools will be built, to supply the needs of many more babies which will be born if women are allowed their own head of steam. The unthinkable might even happen, and within our lifetime–a woman President; something guaranteed to overturn the natural laws of God, His Own Self. Not that I put much stock in the mumbled prevarications of so-called Men of God. But change is never a comfortable proposition, and men will have to get used to doing a great many things differently if women are allowed full equality with the menfolk. Harlots and nice cherries alike will more fully harness what is already their natural advantage–the bottomless pit–and exploit and comfoozle men even further, if only we give them the power.
“Human nature being what it is, there are certain poor ninnies and burly sissy-men who would welcome this state of affairs; they hanker after being dictated to by a hard-charging she-male; I don’t long to be in that number. Certain fainthearted chuckleheads are already in physical fear of their womenfolk. Now, imagine if we give such manly creatures the vote. Mark my words–they will commence to wearing slacks and derby hats, and smoking big cigars, and working in firehouses. Next thing you know, they’ll even want to drive automobiles and chew tobacco. We’ll have women priests in the churches, and truly that will be the the church of the end of time. We’ll have women police in the streets, and maybe even women soldiers with runs in their stockings. There will be lady barbers who take over the men’s barber shop and introduce all sorts of fripperies, like curling irons and perfumey-water. There will be women strongmen lifting pink barbells and bending powder-blue steel rods into the shape of hearts. Women will make whores of MEN! There will be women chefs and women newspaper editors, woman bartenders, and, God help us, even Lady grifters taking part in the old shell game. Women gangsters will terrorize the street with lady-sized pistols, and women robbers with dainty handkerchiefs over their mouths will rob banks on payroll day. Lady jailbirds will hatch escape schemes and take lady prison guards hostage. O, Bedlam! Ladies will grow beards and mustaches, and stay up late at nights savoring fine old brandy and reading The Police Gazette. O, murder! Picture an ape sitting in a train station, reading The Wall Street Journal! Ladies will go in for high finance, and invest in stocks and bonds–costume jewelry, cosmetics and shoe manufacturers will skyrocket in value, and prices will fluctuate according to the “time of month”. Shrewd investors will note the phases of the moon and the movement of the tides, and invest accordingly. Put women in charge of all the money, and the next thing you know, they’ll spend it all on useless gew-gaws like frilly curtains and newfangled electric stoves.
“Why? Because women are frivolous; like children. Their whole orientation is toward children and their playthings. toys. They have diminutive brains, and single-minded mentalities. Put them in charge of manly affairs, and you’ll end up with an unholy mess. 99 times out of 100, a woman is far better off being either an old man’s darling or a young man’s slave. I say that so-called Ladies ought to be grateful for any attention we bestow upon them, short of whipping. It sounds brutal; but I am a manly man, and such frankness is to be expected of me. O, I am not one of those people who take the distilled wisdom of the ages and misuse it in a misplaced effort to be regarded as controversial. But let’s face facts. Women have always been subservient, because that’s the way they were meant to be. The Bible says it; but it’s also written in the book of common sense. There ought to be a law. Women have to stay at home.
“Mainly because looking after bairns is no proper work for a real man. Our role is to go out there and stick our dingus into anything that gives.”
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