THE INFORMATION #843 JULY 3, 2015

THE INFORMATION #843
JULY 3, 2015
Copyright 2015 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

He’d undertake to prove, by force Of argument, a man’s no horse; He’d prove a buzzard is no fowl, And that a lord may be an owl, A calf an alderman, a goose a justice, And rooks Committee-men and Trustees.—Samuel Butler, Hubridas

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER TEN: PART TWENTY-FIVE: KINGDOM COME

“And this, then,” said Count Justin Victor to Pappy O’Day and Tipsy Smith, “is the stew-pot we all find ourselves a-cookin’ in. Blutwurst, kielbasa, cabbage, potatoes, pasta and probably some cat-meat, too. Foreigners of every stripe—and how do ye keep a saddle on ‘em? Well, that’s where your alderman comes in. Your typical alderman sits on the City Council, which I suppose is about as foreign a place to you as the bath-house. (I’m just funnin’ with youse. I know for a fact, Tipsy, that you take a bath at least once a week. And I ain’t castin’ no aspersions on you, Pappy—you’re so old you don’t give off much of an aroma a-tall.)

“And what does an Alderman do? As far as I can tell, he puts his feet up on the desk, has a nigger lad with a whisk-broom to brush away the crumbs and pass the jug when he gets dry, manufactures cigar ashes, sees that the bridges and hospitals are built with only the finest sand, and steals big fat parcels of prime real estate out from under the noses of the would-be slum-lords and sells them back to ‘em at a juicy profit. He promises his constituents—that’s a fancy word for the sheep that go out and vote in November—promises them the moon in the sky, and leaves them flat on their ass, and seein’ stars. An alderman gives out lashings of dough to his fellow crooks with one hand, while trying to grab a slice of that same pie for his own Ward. Which usually means, “for himself.” Because one way or another, whatever an alderman does for his ward, he also does for himself—in spades.

“And what would you say if I told you I know Adam Tyler the crooked Alderman—that’s a joke, they’re all crooked—better than his own mother does? For his mother is only a woman, and will love him no matter what he does, but a man’s a man and can usually see the way clear.

“Why should any man but a dyed-in-the-wool chump be honest when there’s corruption all through the precincts, on the City Council, and right on up to the Mayor? It’s everywhere. The Funeral Home Operator is paid by the city to dispose of indigents; it helps that he’s the Alderman’s first cousin and pays him a pretty penny. Come high, come low, it’s all the same racket, says I. Want to leave your hoss tied to a post, you better pay an urchin a nickel to watch him. It would be a shame if something were to happen to him, says he. I calls that the ‘Extortatory subjunctive’.

“I can see plain that ye ain’t egg-zactly Latin scholars. So let me put it to you in plain talkin’ language any man could understand. The alderman does the old ballum-rancum with every ball of wax and cat’s paw in Noxtown. You’ve seen him, haven’t you? So blonde he looks like he’s the Sun God come up to these precincts from the fabled Southland. You’d think that butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth, and that he consorts with celestial poultry. He’s all slibber-slabber when he spends his posh on drinks f’r the house, but chances are he’s part-owner of that very same establishment where he’s standin’ treat, and he makes his ooftish back in any number of ways, number one being the actual rotgut he peddles to rummies who are on their uppers. You know what I mean—the ‘All Nations’ that are served for a penny to the most desperate benchers. Did you know that he also employs the bug-hunters and lush rollers and splits their swag after they’ve done their dirty work? There’s scarce a chance a man will come home with any paycheck at all after such shenanigans. So the tailor don’t get paid and doesn’t mend the children’s clothes and the grocer don’t extend credit ner the coalman, and the family bids fair to starve and freeze to death because the old man is a doddering old sheep’s head and is blubberheaded enough to take a free drink from Alderman Tyler. Then, of course, he goes to the very same Alderman f’r a short-term loan, and the Alderman, he fronts him the Actual, gladly, because there’s always plenty more money where that came from, and plenty more suckers to take it from.

“I can’t get over the blonde Alderman’s white smile! His smile! His smile is killin’ me! All the while he squares up and down in front of the beer garden while his Blutos look for a hapless country cousin from Squantum, where the Hayseeds grow. Those jakes get a snort of red-eye and they start to slop over and soon enough and sooner there’s another crossroads clown left high and dry—haw! He should have bought him a half a pint and stayed in the wagon yard. Ought to have known that City Slickers would trounce any old poor old Tim Doodle that came mooching around Noxtown in search of adventure. Why this thusness? Because nearly every grown man in Noxtown is ready to kill a baboon and steal his face. I tell you true—every Captain Sharp, arch-goniff, bilker, blown-in-the-glass stiff, shyster, snaffle, sawney-hunter, thimblerigger and wild rogue does prowl the thumping cement sidewalks in search of a thing of a man. No bird is so proud that he won’t accept crumbs, and I have known a man to shoot a policeman over an uncured ham. Think, then, of how a man’s very last penny ain’t safe; not if he puts it in his shoe ner even his mouth. Can’t blame Adam Tyler for that– t’was ever thus. But he ain’t lookin’ out for the poor man; no; it’s the Tippy-Bobs he aims to please. And the world over, the best way of doin’ that is by loochin’ off’n the socker, the stravaiger, and the strawberry preacher. Amen!

1*SALUTATION
LOU REED
I Wanna Be Black
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ehoomjQjfI

2*REFERENCE
THE TRUTH ABOUT DRUGS
http://www.drugfreeworld.org/drugfacts.html

3*HUMOR
CIA GLOBAL VIDEO PROGRAM: SOVIET PERCEPTIONS OF USA
http://disinfo.com/2015/03/cia-global-video-program-soviet-perceptions-of-the-usa/

4*NOVELTY
WHAT EACH STATE HAS MORE OF PER CAPITA THAN ANY OTHER
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/handy_chart_shows_what_every_state_is_1_in

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
HUMANITY’S END IS NOW IN SIGHT
http://jonathanturley.org/2015/06/19/scientists-humanitys-end-is-now-in-sight/

6* DAILY UTILITY
PROPAGANDA POSTERS
http://guity-novin.blogspot.com/2010/05/chapter-29-propaganda-posters.html

7*CARTOON
DAVE BERG A-Z
http://www.tcj.com/my-friend-dave/

ALSO SEE:
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S MAD PARODY
http://kittysneezes.com/?p=2071

8*PRESCRIPTION
IF YOU LIKE ANY OF THESE SONGS, YOU ARE A TOTAL ASSHOLE
http://www.mandatory.com/2014/02/26/if-you-like-any-of-these-songs-you-are-a-total-asshole/

9*RUMOR PATROL
Hollywood Moguls’ Arm Candy Du Jour: Goodbye Asians, Hello Yoga Instructors http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/hollywood-moguls-arm-candy-du-802699

10* LAGNIAPPE
HATEBEAK, THE DEATH METAL BAND WITH A PARROT FOR A SINGER
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/polly_wanna_headbang_the_return_of_hatebeak_the_death_metal_band

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
EMBARASSING MOMENTS
BY GEORGE HERRIMAN
http://allthingsger.blogspot.com/2015/06/the-more-merrier-man.html

*11A BOOKS READ AND RATED
3 LIVES FOR MISSISSIPPI. HUIE. ****
BATMAN ’66. VOL. 3. ***
THE BEST AMERICAN CATHOLIC SHORT STORIES. MCVEIGH & SCHNAPP. ***1/2
THE BEST SHORT STORIES OF THE MODERN AGE. ANGUS. ****
THE COCAINE CHRONICLES. PHILLIPS AND TERVALAR. ***1/2
DAREDEVIL: DARK NIGHTS. ***
DAREDEVIL 2. WEST-CASE SCENARIO. ***
FATALE 1-5. BRUBAKER. ****
FILTHY RICH. AZZERELLO. ***1/2
FLASHPOINT: BATMAN. ***1/2
FLASHPOINT: SUPERMAN. ***1/2
FLASHPOINT: WONDER WOMAN. ***1/2
FLASHPOINT: GREEN LANTERN. ***1/2
GREAT SHORT STORIES OF THE MASTERS. NEIDER. ****1/2
THE GRAPHIC CANON OF CHILDREN’S LITERATURE. KICK. ****1/2
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY BY JIM VALENTONO. ***
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 1. COSMIC AVENGERS. ***1/2
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2. ABNETT & MANNING. ***1/2
INCOGNITO. BRUBAKER. ****
INCOGNITO 2. BAD INFLUENCES. BRUBAKER. ****
THE LEAGUE OF REGRETTABLE SUPERHEROES. MORRIS. ***1/2
LUTHOR. AZZERELLO. ***1/2
MS. MARVEL 2. GENERATION WHY. ****
NOVA 1. ORIGIN. ***
POWERS: BUREAU 1. ***1/2
SLEEPER: OUT IN THE COLD. BRUBAKER. ****
SLEEPER: ALL FALSE MOVES. BRUBAKER. ****
SLEEPER: A CROOKED LINE. BRUBAKER. ****
SLEEPER: THE LONG WAY HOME. BRUBAKER. ****
THOR 4. TO WAKE THE MANGOG. ***1/2.
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF LOVELACE AND BABBAGE. PADUA. ***1/2
WONDER WOMAN 1. BLOOD. ***1/2
WONDER WOMAN 2. GUTS. ***1/2
WONDER WOMAN 3. IRON. ***1/2
WONDER WOMAN 4. WAR. ****
WONDER WOMAN 6. BONES. ****
X-MEN 4. EXOGENOUS. ***1/2

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