THE INFORMATION #835 MAY 8, 2015

THE INFORMATION #835
MAY 8, 2015
Copyright 2015 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

Young men, hear an old man to whom old men hearkened when he was young. –Caesar Augustus

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE

BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER TEN: PART SEVENTEEN: KINGDOM COME

“When you get on the wrong side of the Big Man,” said Count Justin
Victor, “though we don’t call him that around here, we call him the
G.Y., the Gib Yellof—when you get on his bad side, then it’s only a
matter of time before he or one of his bullies will track you down and
make you pay for your ‘crimes’.”

The Count was talking to the two remaining occupants of the Seven
stars Saloon, namely Pappy O’Day and the barkeep, Tipsy Smith. They didn’t even notice me. I try real hard not to be underfoot so they
would chase me out of there for being too young a shaver to haunt
those distinguished precincts.

“Think of it,” he resumed. “A nosy reporter whose only sin was that he didn’t know how to hold his jaw-jaw. He wrote about some of the
murkier connections of ‘The Machine’. The Big Man had him taken for a barking mad lunatic and committed, and he now resides in Arcadia. The Happy Home. The Laughing Academy. And that’s when the Big Boy was in a mellow frame of mind. Just imagine what he would of done if he had been in a snit. It’s enough to make a cat laugh. Incidentally, The Big Man is fond of the purring beasts. Has five or six of them around him, but never any dogs. You got to wonder about a man like that.”

The Count took a drink of Tipsy Smith’s coffin-varnish, shuddered, and resumed. “Now,  I don’t mind telling you, Tipsy, that the Gib Yellof is as vindictive as the day is long. He has a half interest in this
bar of yourn, ain’t he? I’m sure you have many a tale to tell. But
don’t bother. I know you’re scared of him. Not like Pappy O’Day over
here. I understand you, Pappy—maybe better than you’ll ever know. When a Yellof gets to be old and sick and begins to feel like his time on this squabbling ball of mud is decidedly and definitively limited, he gets so he just don’t much care what other folks think. Maybe that’s why old coots like yourself have a reputation for being cantankerous. But just because we old duffers care less about what people think of us, doesn’t mean that we don’t care, or that we don’t think to ourselves. Far from it. Though I have found that the mind of an old man does wander through any number of recollections about the way things used to be. All the girlies we sparked with horizontal
refreshment to follow and all the Yobs we set straight with our little
dukes the size of pile-drivers. All the horse-nails we spent setting
them up at the bar and all the times we bummed a double-saw from an old chum. And going back a ways further: What about the faithful pup we trained to fetch and carry, and the bully of a butcher boy we put paid to, back when we were sprouts?  What about waking up with the house so cold you had to break the ice in the sink to wash your face? Or the first time we rode a pony? Gee it was a good life; honor bright and honest Injun. But like all good things, it couldn’t last.”

The Count took a ruminative sip of Tipsy Smith’s bad whiskey and this time, managed to suppress a shudder. “What’s the first time you
realize you’re old? Maybe it’s when you look in a full-length mirror
and see a white hair next to your hog. The first time you realize
you’re no longer a young hopeful but a back’ard old curmudgeon, I
reckon you feel mighty upset and you go out on a Lushington to sorta backwards celebrate. Somehow, getting plastered amid the hubble-bubble makes you feel more alive. I wouldn’t know; I’m not a big one for the blue ruin; usually when I drink, it’s always the finest champagnes and aperitifs which I imbibe; I guess you might call me the world’s most sophisticated connoisseur of hell-broth.   No—getting old is no picnic in the garden, let me tell you—I know. You may not guess it to look at me, because I like to present a solid front, but I’m very nearly as old as you are Pappy; we went to different schools together, but I know that much. As for you, Tipsy, you’re a mere child by comparison with we old duffers. You know the worst thing about bein’ old? Other than having to get up to piss three or four times in the night, and other than having your chub get all droopy whenever there’s a major distraction in your girlin’ time?  I think it’s the notion that the young people want you out of the way. That’s why the old folks I see are so pathetically eager to talk. They’ll talk you up anywhere—not only in a bar, where liquor loosens the tongue, but anywhere at all, and anytime at all. You know what gets me? The old folks who come to a book store or a library—no, I ain’t ashamed to admit that those are places where I sometimes hang my hat—and, because they’re deaf, they assume everyone else must be a deaf-o too, and they start into talking as loud as can be. “

“The count paused to chortle.  “I should snicker. You ever see some
old Lout who’s not only a huffer but is also a hunt-about–who tells a
passel of howling lies about other people who he knows nothing about? Like what some old devils have said about me—that I’m the lowest sort of confidence man; that I live off the charity of women; that I’m touched in the head. These are all lies. I am the best kind of
confidence man; if I live off of women you can well believe I offer
them plenty of value for their dosh; and as for being a cracked
mirror, there’s not a bit of truth in it, me fine huskies.  Do I look
like a Johnny Trot? Don’t the things I say make good horse sense?
Ain’t I a man, and a brother too?  I never was a ken-cracker ner a
kennel-raker , nor a rolling kiddy either.  And I’ll fight any yob who
calls me a magsman or margery-prater. No, I work hard for my shekels, though the way I go about it, it’s hardly like work at all. Let me apprise you of some of the myriad ways a man like me gets ahead in the world. First and foremost, you always let a sucker tell you his life’s story. I’m different in that respect, I will admit; I like to spiel
with the best of them, but I also know when to sew up my cakehole and give a listen. How do I know what I know? A little birdie told me—over and over again. Let me tell you the one thing I’ve learned through years and years of listening: it’s this. Every man’s story is the same; yes, and every woman’s too. It’s all just variations of a theme, when you come right down to it. Like music, where there’s only so many ways to combine the notes. The only difference is in the tempo. Some people are diffident, and live life in a slow adagio. Others are strenuous, and live their lives fortissimo.  But everybody’s story is the same; you’re young, and the juices fly; you’re old, and the juices dry. Anything in between is just counting out time. And if anybody asks you where you learned it, you can say it came from the lips of Count Victor Justin, his own self.”

1*SALUTATION

THE CHOIR
IT’S COLD OUTSIDE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuGWZapyhyU

2*REFERENCE
FAMILIAR SHORT SAYINGS OF GREAT MEN (1887)
http://www.bartleby.com/344/

3*HUMOR
KEITH HARRIS, RIP
“Orville’s Song” was a UK Hit, reaching #4 in 1982. “… sold 400,000
copies, but was later voted the worst song ever recorded.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c8PUVIKgI4

Harris and Orville became a variety show and children’s television
favourite. “People love him,” Harris claimed in an interview in 2005.
“He’s brought children out of comas, and other, more tragic children
have been buried with him. He is a real person.” Later on Harris
toured with a more “adult” offering entitled Duck Off, featuring, as
Harris explained, a grown-up Orville “fed up of my having my hand up his backside”. The show was said to be a great hit with students.In 2002 for his BBC Two series When Louis Met…, Louis Theroux followed Harris and Orville about as they prepared to open in Cinderella in Crewe and found a darker side. Harris proved to be a nervous, edgy man who kept telling rotten jokes and then saying “That’s a joke” afterwards, in case Theroux had not got it. Harris admitted that after his television career stalled in the early 1990s, he had spiralled into depression and heavy drinking and had at one point considered drowning himself in the local duck pond near his home in Poulton-le-Fylde, near Blackpool. [As a child] At the end of his act, “I would get on dad’s knee and be the ventriloquist doll. We’d sing Sonny Boy, and then I got a dummy of my own, called Charlie Chat.” he honed his skills as a ventriloquist, eventually creating a troupe of dummies, including Percy Picktooth, the rabbit, and Sidney Ram Jam, the Pakistani snake. Political correctness was never Harris’s strong point.

He got his first big break compering stage productions of The Black
and White Minstrel Show and never understood why people took exception to its depiction of black people: “Eddie Murphy whites up, so why can’t white people black up?” he asked in 2002. He became a popular act on television variety programmes before getting his own show in 1982.

He was…thin-skinned when invidious comparisons were made with other performers. Of Rod Hull, who had a famous double act with his puppet Emu (before falling off his roof and dying while trying to fix his television aerial), he observed: “He was never a ventriloquist.
Ventriloquism is an art. I’ve worked at it. I’ve studied it. I’m the
best there is, technically. You can’t see my lips move. People don’t
appreciate the cleverness of it.”
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/11567975/Keith-Harris-ventriloquist-obituary.html

Here, in case you were curious, is Keith Harris and Cuddles the
Monkey, whose favorite catch phrase was “I hate that duck”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCe6xBX2nAE

ALSO SEE:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3059777/The-man-loved-duck-wife-s-four-time-wed-Keith-Harris-joked-love-life-humour-Orville-drew-pain.html

4*NOVELTY
TEN REASONS WHY BEING INTELLIGENT IS DIFFICULT
http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2013/11/10-reasons-being-intelligent-is-difficult/

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
16 states have more prisoners than college students. (And guess how
many of them are below the Manson-Nixon line?)
http://www.vox.com/2015/1/21/7865887/map-prison-college

6* DAILY UTILITY

SOVIET ANTIRELIGIOUS PROPAGANDA

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/the_gory_and_grotesque_art_of_soviet_antireligious_propaganda1

ALSO SEE:

PAGAN STATISM

http://www.salon.com/2015/04/25/pagan_statism_the_frightening_corporatechristian_alliance_that_invented_in_god_we_trust_and_one_nation_under_god/

7*CARTOON

DIRTY ADULT JOKES IN KIDS’ CARTOONS

http://www.ranker.com/list/adult-jokes-in-kids-shows/jacob-shelton?format=SLIDESHOW

8*PRESCRIPTION

THIS VIDEO WILL MAKE YOU HALLUCINATE

http://disinfo.com/2015/04/this-video-will-make-you-hallucinate/

9*RUMOR PATROL

SPACE TO DESTROY
Poor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake! “Space to Destroy” is the new black.

The Baltimore Riots: Just a little understanding between Stephanie
Rawlings-Blake and 200 looters.

It was here, in West Baltimore, that Gray lived all of his 25 years,
and where his body was broken while he was in police custody April 12. Candles had been burned in a sawed-off Pringles can and pink mums had wilted in a broken bottle of New Amsterdam vodka on the corner where he was cuffed and dragged into a police wagon….She stopped to chat with her neighbors, who have a makeshift convenience store set up on their stoop, selling bags of chips and single diapers for 50 cents a piece from a folding table because nearby “all we have are liquor stores and funeral homes.”… “I brought my nephew from Detroit to live here. I thought it would be better. He was shot eight times in the back right there,” she said, pointing to a corner not far from Gray’s home. “Right now, Detroit’s better than this place.”
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/commentary/chi-freddie-gray-baltimore-riots-20150428-story.html

Report: Gray tried to injure himself in Baltimore police van
USA TODAY
A prisoner sharing a police van with Freddie Gray the night he died of spinal injuries while in police custody in Baltimore purportedly told investigators that Gray was “banging against walls” inside the vehicle and was “intentionally trying to injure himself….”

WHEW! All that rioting…for nothing!

10* LAGNIAPPE
BAND TO BAND
http://www.bandtoband.com/

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
SOME TERRIBLE SONGS
AL JOLSON
SONNY BOY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2cYWxLQW9Y

MIKE DOUGLAS
THE MAN IN MY LITTLE GIRL’S LIFE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUvyhiLDByY

FRANK SINATRA AND DAGMAR
MAMA WILL BARK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maGuLEgyIZk

THINK
THINGS GET A LITTLE EASIER
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH8go6bj-Y4

*11A BOOKS READ AND REVIEWED
ABSOLUTE SUPERMAN/BATMAN VOLUME 1. ***1/2
THE AGE OF SELFISHNESS. CUNNINGHAM. ****
ALEX + ADA. LUNA & VAUGHN. ****
THE ART OF THE TALE. HALPERN. ****1/2
AVENGERS 4: INFINITY. **1/2
BATMAN: A CELEBRATION OF 75 YEARS. ***1/2
BLACK WIDOW 2. ***1/2
BLACKSAD. ****
BLACKSAD: A SILENT HELL. ****
BLACKSAD: AMARILLO. ***1/2
BUDDY BUYS A DUMP: HATE VOL. 3. BAGGE. ***1/2
THE CONQUERORS. MALRAUX. ***1/2
FANTASTIC FOUR 20: INTO THE TIME STREAM. ***
FLASH FICTION. THOMAS, THOMAS & HAZUKA. ***1/2
FLASH FICTION FORWARD. THOMAS & SHEPARD. ***1/2
GREAT FRENCH SHORT NOVELS. DUPEE. ****1/2
GREAT GERMAN SHORT STORIES. SPENDER. ****
GREAT SHORT SHORT STORIES. NEGRI. ***1/2
GRINDHOUSE 1. **
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2. VALENTINO. ***
HAPPY STORIES ABOUT WELL-ADJUSTED PEOPLE. OLLMANN. ****
HARLEY QUINN: WELCOME TO METROPOLIS. ***
HAWKEYE VS. DEADPOOL. **
INVINCIBLE ULTIMATE COLLECTION VOLUME 5. ****
JLA VOLUME 6. ***1/2
THE MARCH OF CRABS. THE CRABBY CONDITION. ***
MARVEL MASTERWORKS THE AVENGERS VOLUME 6. ***
PALE HORSE, PALE RIDER. PORTER. ****1/2                           POWER GIRL: POWER TRIP. ***1/2
SUDDEN FICTION INTERNATIONAL. SHEPARD & THOMAS. ***1/2
SWEATSHOP. BAGGE. ****
THINK LIKE A FREAK. LEVITT & DUBNER. ***1/2
THIS IS WARHOL. INGRAM & RAE. ***1/2
THE TRUE LIVES OF THE FABULOUS KILLJOYS. WAY SIMON & CLOONAN. ***
ULTIMATE COMICS SPIDER-MAN VOLUME 5. BENDIS. ***1/2
WINTER SOLDIER: THE BITTER MARCH. ***
ZEN PENCILS. THAN. ***1/2
ZENITH: PHASE 1. MORRISON. ***1/2
ZENITH: PHASE 2. MORRISON. ***1/2

CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
794. POP MUSIC: THE BOTTOM 50
Here are my nominees, more-or-less in order of toxic loathsomeness.
PLAYGROUND IN MY MIND
SEASONS IN THE SUN
MUSKRAT LOVE
YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE
TIN MAN
POPSICLE TOES
FEELINGS
THE CURLY SHUFFLE
ACHY BREAKY HEART
MAGNET AND STEEL
WINCHESTER CATHEDRAL
PURPLE PEOPLE EATER
I’VE NEVER BEEN TO ME
ANGEL OF THE MORNING
THE JOKER
WE HAD IT ALL (JUST LIKE BOGART AND BACALL)
AN OPEN LETTER TO MY TEENAGE SON
TEEN ANGEL
HAVING MY BABY
WILDFLOWER
I’M TOO SEXY
SMOKIN’ IN THE BOYS ROOM
RUN JOEY RUN
THE NIGHT CHICAGO DIED
PLEASE COME TO BOSTON
IN THE YEAR 2525 (EXORDIUM AND TERMINUS)
ROCK AND ROLL PART TWO
ONE TIN SOLDIER (THE LEGEND OF BILLY JACK)
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY
PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT
BABY FACE
EPIC
OH BABE, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?
I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE (BUT I WON’T DO THAT)
FLY ROBIN FLY
OPEN UP YOUR HEART (AND LET THE SUNSHINE IN)
I’M STICKIN’ WITH YOU
LOVING YOU
MACARTHUR PARK
AFTERNOON DELIGHT
CHIRPY CHIRPY CHEEP CHEEP
ON TOP OF SPAGHETTI
WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN
IN THE SUMMERTIME
DANCIN’ IN THE MOONLIGHT
HOW DO YOU DO?
AMERICANS (A CANADIAN’S OPINION)
PLAY THAT FUNKY MUSIC
UNDERCOVER ANGEL
THE RAPPER

BUBBLING UNDER THE BOTTOM 50
I’m Henry VIII I Am
They’re Coming to Take Me Away (Ha Ha).
Gimmie Dat Ding
My Belle Amie
Get Down Tonight
You’re the One that I Want.

ALSO SEE:
WORST SONGS
http://kenlevine.blogspot.com/2009/05/worst-songs-of-all-time.html

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