THE INFORMATION #815 DECEMBER 19, 2014

THE INFORMATION #815
DECEMBER 19, 2014
Copyright 2014 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART FORTY-ONE: THE MAYOR OF HELL

Police Captain Tom Aston was a twisty Yellof, all right. In private life he was hale and hearty as ever a man you’d want to meet. If he had been a copper in quiet Sleepydale, or wealthy Mayfair Grove, or even his own home town of Belle Avon, then he mought have passed as the type of blinky-eyed and dozey town Shurf who left the movers and shakers alone and instead arrested kids for stealing outhouse doors and throwing snowballs at top hats and the like.

He was a big man in his own former neighborhood, to be sure. Rumor has it that as a young man he was quite the High School athlete. Captain of the Fighting Wolverines football team, who managed to beat the Plaza Del Sol Panthers, the Hickory Hollow Hillbillies, The Canal Plaza Cougars, the Dynamo Wildcats, the Bigtown Braves, and the Mayfair Millionaires. Big fella–6 foot 3 and 220 pounds of pure muscle. After the games, no matter what the coach would say about it, he and his cronies and teammates would raise hell at all the drinking establishments in that quiet community which counted approximately 2,000 souls–back in the Gay Nineties. He’d be seen making his drunken rounds at the many gin mills and low dives the place managed to support, such as Beer “n” Skittles, The Black Cat Saloon, The Blind Kitten, Crazy Joe’s, The Crown and Garter, Dizzy’s Lounge, The Drinking Club, The Eight Ball, The Glass Bar, The Glove, The Golden Horn, Huzzah’s, The Last Stand, The Lion, The Pleasure Bar, Pro’s, The Purple Zebra, The Rack, The Red Barn, The Shuttle, Thirsty Acres, and The Tip Inn. Then he and his pals would then drunkenly climb High Point Hill where, even on a frosty fall night, you could see the  smoldering slag heaps of Wazooville. There they would engage in the usual horseplay, and it wouldn’t be unusual if one or two of them went home with a black eye or even a busted wing. These were stag affairs. Ladyfolk in them says were expected to sit at home and curl their eyelashes and wash their hair in stale beer or some such tomfool doins. 
So he might have been a big man is his own tiny patch o’ heaven, but instead, after a stint in the Army, he came East and he worked the beat in Noxtown and he was surely an arrogant son of a bitch, if you’ll pardon my French.  He broke enough heads to make his way to Police Captain.
Now, Yob, if you know how many fixes a Police Captain has to handle among the high mucky-mucks, you would hardly envy him the job. When even the lowliest civilian got jugged, usually for soliticing a whore, Aston wanted to know about it, usually so he could solicit a donation to the Policeman’s ball in exchange for dropping the charges. A C-note would square any beef, but usually only gamblers and pickpockets had access to that much dough, so Aston would give you a pass if you would press a twenty or even a ten-spot into his greedy fist. The Looey and the Sarge were expected to kick back a portion in the absence of the Captain, who, where there was money to be made, was seemingly everywhere.
He liked particularly to shake down the parents of drunken young rowdies such as he himself used to be. 
 
Here’s a fine story to lighten your days. One time Captain Aston sees both Joe Rumbuster and Smash Conklin breaking into the Seven Stars Saloon to work off a booze thirst. Sure and the Devil not only looks the other way, but joins the pair of miscreants in looting the place. Sure and every bottle of top-shelf booze was drunk down to the dregs before the three thirsty big galoots managed to slake their thirst. They might have got away with it scot free, only two of them started in to smashing crockery and tables because Aston had taunted Rumbuster and Conklin into having themselves a little fist fight to see which of the two of them was the tougher Mugg. Things got a bit out of hand, and the two of them suddenly turned on Aston in a fit of drunken bravado. Now boys, says he, remember it’s a Police Captain you’d be after assaultin’ and the law don’t take kindly to–and POW! Conklin flattens him with one of them heavy wooden chairs which don’t smash into flinders when you merely sit on them hard but are built to last. Even though the booze fog, Aston could feel that blow. So he takes out his pistol and holds it dead level on the two of the b’hoys, snarling at them not to make another move. A big hero he was, when the other coppers came to the rescue and jugged the rascals.  Conklin and Rumbuster knew better’n to peach on the Cap’n. He had connections to the Big Man and it wouldn’t do to cross him. I was glad to hear that Conklin had gotten his come-uppance, of course, because I hated him like poison, but you ought to have heard Tipsy Smith moaning about all the damage they done to his bar. Never fear–someone–and who’s to say it wasn’t Aston himself–shook down Rumbuster and Conklin and made good the damage. The only thing Aston got out of the deal was the armchair that had nearly flattened him. That piece o’ furniture  he installed in a place of honor in his office. I suppose that if he ever got into another bar fight at the Seven Stars, he didn’t mean to be clobbered again by the very same chair. Once a philosopher, twice a pervert, as the wise man said.

1*SALUTATION

THE TURTLES
YOUR MA SAID YOU CRIED
WE AIN’T GOING TO PARTY NO MORE
SOCIAL MEDIA AND THE “SPIRAL OF SILENCE”
BAD KIDS JOKES
Q: why did the cow go to the movies?
A: because movies
CHRIS ROCK STOPS PERFORMING FOR STUDENTS
5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
25 PEOPLE AND INDUSTRIES THAT PROFIT FROM FEAR
American cultural imperialism has a new name: GAFA

7*CARTOON

FEUDALISM THEN AND NOW
PRINGLES: CANCER IN A CAN
CONELRAD: ALL THINGS ATOMIC
CREEPY SANTA
http://disinfo.com/2014/12/creepy-christmas-day-1-santa-wasnt-always-jolly-used-really-creepy/

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA

THE NEW REPUBLIC
Even at its best it was little more than an educational comic book for policy wonks.

CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
773. FRIEDMAN ON HOPE

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