Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.–Buddha
WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART NINETEEN: THE MAYOR OF HELL
To be sure, Red Mary had every right to be in a state of nervous collapse.
The forces of reaction were assembling against her, and she knew it.
Cokey Stolas himself was very busy recruiting the Reverend Cross to
speak in his own behalf, striving to ensure that Red Mary and people
like her were driven away from Noxtown.
Cross was glad to be consulted and used as a cat’s paw by the
ingenious Stolas. For once, Reverend John Otis Cross’s arguments were
supple and designed to also appeal to the unsophisticated. He would hold
forth in a corner in Feist’s Cigar Store amid the smell of state tobacco
and pontificate in a low voice to the assembled loafers.
Present on this occasion were the fat Italian tenement
owner Nehemiah Vassago; hard-boiled Philo Marbas, the
liquor-store magnate; pasty-faced Nathaniel Bune, who was a chief
petty clerk in the Mayor’s office; “Foxy” Zepar the local ward-heeler,
who wore a fashionable Van Dyke beard and pince-nez; young Elsworth
Agares, who was the eldest son of a prominent businessman and
notorious slumlord; and his boon campanion, young ‘Bathless’ Bathin,
the son of the famous ward-heeler of far-off Gleason’s Corner.
“My DEAR friends–and I call you this because you are ALL my
friends–in spite of any past foolishness which was entirely the fault
of a grievous misunderstanding–I come to you waving an olive
branch. I believe with all my heart that because your souls are DEAR
to God, and that as long you do the RIGHTEOUS thing in certain matters
all other sins will be forgiven and you will all of you go to
heaven–provided you get right with the Lord and stop allowing wanton
harlotry in your fair community. I have failed in the past. Perhaps it
was a result of my own sinful nature. But I do not propose to fail
now. Although I am privy to certain advanced knowledge. I have no
preconceived notions in this affair, BUT I SPEAK IN PARTICULAR OF THAT
SCARLET WOMAN AND KNOWN ATHEIST–known as RED MARY. It seems that
lately her name is everywhere–everywhere that unmentionable and
wholly unsanctioned vice is permitted to have free reign. It is not
because of her circumstances that she is depraved. It is part of her
sinful nature. A scorpion must always sting! Anarchy! In her
is everything that God is not!
“It is perhaps not yet time that we are able to extinguish all
harlotry in this community. I do not expect it, any more than the city
fathers have deemed it a priority. But is it not time that we got rid
of a certain scarlet women such as that notorious Red Mary, and all
the unsanctioned whores who refuse to stand the gaff come the Day of
“If we allow a house of sin and deviltry such as the one run by Red
Mary to stand, then what kind of example are we setting for the
impressionable juveniles who roam these streets as vagabonds, or
worse? Can you not see that one bad seed can poison a crop? Do you not
see that the child is father to the man? Can you not see that by
virtue of their natural sinlessness, all good children go to heaven?
Charity, kindness, godliness, patience, temperance, knowledge and
virtue will lead them there. To the land of everlasting life in the
fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. But can you not see that once
they have been corrupted, the path they are on leads straight to
“For the Devil, my Friends, is the Father of Lies, and God–as I have
said before–GOD will NOT be mocked! On the Day of Judgment God will
reign from the burning pit which the evil one has set aside to punish
smart-alecks and other know-it-alls found who are wanting in the eyes
of an angry God! I myself am but a poor sinner but one who has seen
the light and feels compelled to offer you a GLORIOUS MESSAGE! These
are hard times and we all must work together! We can live in a land OF
MILK AND HONEY! Listen as I bring you the good news! I say OUR SOULS
WILL BE SAVED, AND WE WILL ALL TASTE THE FULL BALM OF GOD’S INFINITE
“But…one person alone cannot accomplish this laudable end. Nay, not
even two. But one dozen men who are good and true–such as the
apostles whom Christ gathered before Him–I am in no way comparable to
him–all credit is due to Mr. Stolas–he is a great man–a truly great
man–twelve men good and true can accomplish ANYTHING.
“Now, I do not blame you if you say ‘Live and Let Love’. Did not Christ
Himself say “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?” And I am
in no way condoning the casting of stones. However, she has not
rendered under Caesar nor unto God! This low behavior cannot be
allowed to continue! Can any of us here assembled allow this flagrant
lack of respect? She is nothing more than a sinful woman so mired in
corruption that she has forfeited the right of protection which we
afford to all goodly members of her fair sex. She has gone into
business for herself, quite successfully too, and has corrupted an
entire neighborhood, and her manly sins are deserving of a manly
“Take down this low den of sin, vice and iniquity? Put it to the fire,
and burn it to the ground? No, that would be the easy thing to do. But
that would not be the answer, even if we are in a fiery mood. There
are ways to make lawbreakers pay. We must go to the law. Has this
harlot paid any taxes? No. Has she observed the proprieties?
No. Is she Lowly? Wallowing in the prosperity of her sinful ways? Yes!
This…cannot be allowed!
“Then what is to be done? Do we shoot her? Do we dare? Do we leave her
be? Can we afford to ignore the brazen threat of her wantonness? Or do we
simply run the bold and brazen hussy out of town? That is entirely up to you to
decide. Let us first have a torchlight parade! The cost to us? Mere
pennies. Next to nothing. I’ll supply the torches. Ready-lit.
“A moment’s reflection and we can be off. It’s been done in
other cities and it can be done here. Sad? Surely the necessity is
sad. Perhaps we should shed a tear. But wait! Let us consider: She has
no one to blame but herself. Perhaps an action such as this
one–accompanied by our prayers–shall serve to lead her on the
straight and narrow and save her soul. For good is always better than
evil, come what may!
“If we believe in the power of our righteousness, we shall surely
prevail! Shall we not invest an hour or two and come up with a most
desirable outcome? For she has drawn shame upon the names and
reputations of all the honest businessmen and apostles of business in
Noxtown! Any small measures we take now will pay infinite dividends
for the future. We will not be the first to take steps to eradicate
the scourge–but we must not be the last! Some so-called Men of God
would say ‘Let it be’. Nothing more could be expected of such men. But
I say here and now that we will defy such do-nothing Gospel shirkers!
Because it is not fair to our children, nor to our childrens’
children! I have succeeded in the past, and I will succeed now!
“Frankly, if we rid ourself of one such brothel, the time will come
when all such institutions–I blush to say–may someday be eradicated.
But we are poor sinners ourselves, never let us forget, and we must
limit ourselves to what a small group of apostles brave and true can
accomplish amid the small ambit of our abilities! If we restrain
ourselves now to what we CAN do, the future possibility of what we
WILL do shall be illimitable! For I think–only God Himself is
all-knowing–I think it is clear to all of us now that Red Mary must
go. Her so-called ‘house’ attracts tramps and disreputable criminals of
the most desperate sort. We will gain by eradicating such a
blight–gain in reputation for Godliness, but, mostly, in satisfaction
for a job well-done–a job which other pusillanimous so-called Gospel
exhorters are too cowardly or diffident to essay on their own. The
Road to Glory is strewn with boulders, but let us be unafraid to put
our shoulders to the wheel–and all will be well–in heaven and on
Frankly, this speech did not have the desired effect of galvanizing
the crowd into doing anything, but it did give them food for thought,
as we shall soon see.
MAP REF 41 N 93 W
PARAPHILIA MAGAZINE ARCHIVE
I found that at one time there was such an individual, who actually
served as a Munchkin, which, to a midget, is kind of like being
nominated for the Nobel Prize.
THE VESTIGIAL CLOWN
5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
6* DAILY UTILITY
THE PROBLEM WITH DC COMICS
ALUMINUM FOIL HACKS
ALL I THINK ABOUT IS YOU
Down to the bottom Hello, is there anybody else here? It’s cold and
I’m so lonely Hello, is there anybody else here? Hello, won’t you
throw me down a Life Line? I’m so afraid of darkness And down here,
it’s just like night time Oohs, are all around me Hello, will you
please send down a Life Line? Down and there isn’t any hope for me
Unless this dream which seems so real Is just a fantasy….
11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
Dondi still haunts my nightmares. Those lifeless, dish-sized ears;
those cold, dead-looking eyes. I fear those eyes! HIS eyes! I can
see…forever! They are the black pools of the stygian depths of that
bourne whence no traveler ever returns. You can almost see within them
the writhings of sinners in the hands of an angry God, the wailing and
gnashing of teeth, and the unkind luster of the preying mantis as she
devours her incognizant mate.
SEE YOU IN THE FUNNY PAPERS
By far the wors[t] comic strip ever that I can remember growing up is
Dondi. Dondi was an Italian war orphan who happened upon an Italian
farmhouse occupied by U.S. soldiers at the lingering end of World War
II. No one could figure out who Dondi’s parents were, so he just
stayed with the “Joes,” shining their boots, and handwashing their
dirty socks and underwear. Dondi never aged but still managed to
remember details of World War II with amazing clarity, even in 1969.
Dondi debuted in 1955, and much of the early strip focused on Dondi’s
acclimation to American society. Eventually, his origins as an adopted
World War II war orphan were de-emphasized, and Dondi became just
another small-town kid having adventures with the Explorers Club,
comprised of his three idiot friends Eddy, the stupid one; Baldy, the
scrappy one whose bangs covered his eyes; and bespectacled, bookish
Web. Dondi also had a small dog named Queenie, which gives you some
idea of the kind of fag Dondi really was. I could also never figure
out the pronounciation of Dondi’s mother’s name, Katje. Was the “j”
silent or did it have a soft “g” sound?
Dondi was dark and depressing, especially during his annual summer
adventure with his adopted grandmother, “Grandma McGowan,” a rich,
society lady who took a shining to the dark-eyed lad, and would lose
him places like Rio de Janeiro, forcing Dondi to sleep in rat-infested
alleys. Hasbro created a Dondi board game, and a film version of Dondi
starring David Janssen and six-year-old David Kory in the title role,
is often credited as “the worst movie ever made.” During the 1970s,
almost 30 years after World War II ended, a serviceman named Jim Dante
showed up claiming to be Dondi’s biological father, and for several
weeks, a bitter custody battle ensued. Finally, Dondi was put out of
his misery in the early 1980s, after Katje returned to work and was
sexually harassed by her boss, causing Dondi and Ted to come and save
Katje from being raped by her lecherous boss during a business trip.
CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
751. BEN STEIN
Ben Stein got konked on the head by some airline luggage some 15 years
ago and his writing hasn’t been the same since then.
Ben Stein vs. Peter Schiff.