THE INFORMATION #784 MAY 16, 2014

THE INFORMATION
#784 MAY 16, 2014
Copyright 2014 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com

15TH ANNIVERSARY ISSUE

One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to
be done.– Marie Curie

WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART TEN: THE MAYOR OF HELL

Doc Ketman made a hasty retreat from the Seven Stars Saloon when he learned
that Smash Conklin went over to Feist’s Cigar Store and was asking
questions like “Who’s the ginger-haired scamp who’s been cursing the Big
Man?” Doc wasn’t quite ready to tangle with Conklin, what with his
menacing scowl and his brutal slab-like fists, though, as he pushed his
way through the barroom loafers and loochers, he kept up a steady
stream of mutterings–what he called his imprecations against old
Uglyface.

“You’ve heard of a Familiar, Yob?” said Ketman to the young Cadger
Tandy.  “Well, Stolas is a Demon and doesn’t like to dirty his hands
with mortal concerns. (Ye thieves, I conjure you, to be obedient like
Jesus Christ.) But Conklin is just the boy to do his dirty work.
(Jesus Jesu Jesu who obeyed his Heavenly Father unto the cross.)”

“To refuse a wizard his any request is sure to lead to your
misfortune. I told you that Stolas was a master of poisons. One dose
of ether and he can hypnotise a soiled dove and even reduce a big man
like Conklin to the status of a squeaky-voiced little girl, or putrid
little punk. (Ye thieves are to stand without moving out of my sight.)
Now, I’d kill any wolf that tried to make a Jocker of me, but Conklin
is too damn stupid to realize he’s being mesmerized by that Demon. (In
the name of the Trinity. I command you by the power of God and the
incarnation of Jesus Christ, not to move out of my sight.)”

We left the Seven Stars Saloon and went rapidly striding through the angular
shadows of dusky Noxtown.

“Me and Stolas just naturally oppose each other–he works from the
black book and I work from the white one. Small wonder, too that
Conklin has it in for you. You’re an air spirit, as free as a bird,
and Conklin is an earth spirit, and bound to do the dirty work of
Stolas his fiery lord and master of the invisible world that forever
changes. (And the same words that bind you shall also release you.)”

“Once upon a time I guess that Conklin was happy. Working on a failing
farm. Strong as an ox, half as smart, and smelled about as good. Could lend a
dab hand to farm chores. Milking, shoeing horses, cleaning a barn,
mowing hay. (Like Jesus Christ did stand when he was about to be nailed
to the cross to release the fathers of the church from the bonds of
hell.) He was one hell of a big eater. Not too much on thinking. But
these city lights did blind him early on. One night in the wagon yard
with a half a pint was enough for him. Next time he came to Market he
cut his step-dad loose and went to see the bright lights for hisself.”

“At the Seven Stars they mocked the lug; called him “Farmboy”; made
sport of him;  fed him strong drink laced with kerosene and ether and
red pepper and chloral; laughed at his wild antics. Then he fell under
Cokey Stolas’s gimlet eye. Stolas treated him with respect. Kept him
in drink; trained him up as a boxer; used him as a headbreaker;
introduced him to the b’hoys at the fire department; let it be known
that Conklin was under his exclusive protection; made him one of his
Lords of the Night.”

“As a Boxer, Conklin could always be depended on to either win a match
or throw it. You won’t find him in any of the name books; you can look
his name up, but you won’t find it, because he didn’t fight in no
sanctioned bouts. Most of the time he would battle some beat-up Hobo
for the price of a drink, down t’ the railroad yards. The railroad
bulls in particular would howl and cheer as Smash put paid to one
unhappy tramp after another. Smashin’ Boes is thirsty work, said
Smash; he’d allus say that when he wanted a drink and that’s how he
got the name of Smash. The Boes in them parts had other, less
flattering names for the Yellof. They called him  Mr. Bad Jive;  The
Home Guard; and Sir Dog Leg–the last because he was like a dog on a
bone once he got to smackin’ a Hobo around; he wouldn’t let up until
he got all tired out and was gasping for breath, and by then the Bo,
tough as he was, was usually out cold. (You horseman and footman, whom
I here conjured at this time.)”

“Pretty soon Conklin was being used for gorilla work of all varieties.
Let there be a saloon keeper as didn’t make a regular kickback to
Stolas and his minions and Conklin would be sent in with a heavy load
on to make strongarm threats.  (I conjure you, horse and rider, to
stand still and not to move out of my sight.)”

“Gorilla work is thirsty business. Wasn’t too long before Conklin grew
dependent as a dog on Stolas, who kept him in liquor. You ought to see
the brawler reduced to tears by a cross look form the Big Man. Got so
he could hardly turn around without being afeered he might offend the
big man in some unknown fashion. (Like Jesus Christ was standing on
Jordan’s stormy banks to be baptized by John.)”

“Needless to say, under the protection of the Big Man, Smash Conklin
had his grimy paws into all sorts of pies; he would terrorize the
whores and especially their Johns who wouldn’t come across. Say the
John is a cheapskate and says to the girlie, ‘Piss on you–So sue me.
What do I look like? Santa Claus? My fucking is worth as much as
yours–you liked it, didn’t you? Such a business. Give a little girlie a good
time and right away she wants gelt. Piss on you!’ All of a sudden the
girlie ring-a-dings a little bell and Conklin appears. The John
changes his tune right away, sure ‘nough. ‘Ahh, here, my good man. A
twenty for the little lady and a crisp ten dollar bill for you.’ Of course,
it was many a soiled dove that Conklin diddled with himself without
payin’, but no man is a hypocrite in his pleasures–or is he? (You may
pass on in the name of Jesus Christ.)”

“That sort of gorilla work was mostly all that Conklin was good for.
The Big Man didn’t tend to use him for any job that required finesse,
but Conklin could be counted on to break the fingers of safecrakers
and yekkmen operating outside their own terrritory; to act as a bouncer
or a kind of heavy-walking arm-twister or shoulder-hitter. His lot was
cast with crooked gamblers, thievin’ whores, queer cops, denizens of
the underworld, short boys, and other devotees–of the sporting life–and of wide-open Noxtown. (Ye thieves, I bind you with the same bonds with which Jesus our Lord has bound hell; and thus ye shall be bound.)”

“Ye can see, Yob, why I ain’t any too anxious to tangle assholes with
THAT wildcat.”

By then we had reached the docks down by the waterfront.
Ketman in the middle of the boardwalk paused to light his pipe, then,
when the acrid stench of his herbal mixture began to fill the air,
he rounded out his oration with the following benediction.

“There is a world which we call the natural world and you see it when
you wake up in the morning and you go outside and the sun is out and
you’re sitting and looking out over the grass and flowers and the
trees are weaving and waving all about and you hear the gentle hissing of
the vagrant wind. (Through the word of God and the will of Christ;
ride ye on now and pass.)”

“But then there be another world–the invisible world–things happen there
–things which are invisible to your apprehension–but which
happen all the same. Like watching a dragonfly flit past
you at a high speed, you never knowing he’s got four sets of
wings that are all beating in a different direction all at once. Sure
there are two worlds, and maybe three or four, by my reckoning. The
great mass of men will never see, from one day to the next, any sign
of that invisible world which comes from out of nowhere into the the
everywhere. But suppose you could see the world the way a dragonfly
can see it. Or sense the world the way a snail can sense it. Or home in upon a hive in the manner of a bee. There would be a  sign of true wizardry. I’m not
saying that Stolas has these powers. But I’m not sayin he hasn’t.  As
for me–I can only imagine. I see the blood on the moon and the
changes in the sun and I can sense the rotation of the planets, but
I’m merely a poor actor in most of it. My spells are for protection
and not to cause mischief. Even my chief curses are mostly only
bulwarks against a likely attack. (And furthermore, I conjure you
again, horse and rider, to stand still and not to move out of my
sight. Amen!)”

And Doc Ketman hastily crossed himself and bade me good night and told
me at all costs to avoid running into Smash Conklin (who, from time
immemorial, of course, had bore me no love). “My charms will protect you,
as far as that goes, from having to encounter him; but if you actively
seek him and he finds you out, I cannot help you. A word to the wise.”

A word which I later ignored–and wished I hadn’t.

1*SALUTATION
BILL DEAL & THE RHONDELS
MAY I
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fSUrF_MCHTE

ALSO SEE:
XTC
MAYOR OF SIMPLETON
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Da9sc6YDBo

2*REFERENCE
WIKIPEDIA: WHERE THE TRUTH DIES ONLINE
http://www.spiked-online.com/newsite/article/wikipedia-where-truth-dies-online/14963#.U2fx61d7TSa

3*HUMOR
BEWARE THE CROSSEYED CYCLOPS
http://cosseyedcyclops.blogspot.com/

4*NOVELTY
BUBBLE VOCABULARY
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/the_good_word/2014/04/bubble_vocabulary_the_best_way_to_expand_your_vocabulary_is_to_use_the_words.html

5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
CONGRATULATIONS WILL BOOST YOUR POST IN FACEBOOK
http://www.slate.com/blogs/business_insider/2014/04/congratulations_will_boost_your_post_in_facebook_s_newsfeed.html

6* DAILY UTILITY
THE RACIAL DOT MAP
http://demographics.coopercenter.org/DotMap/index.html

ALSO SEE:
STEREOTYPE MAP OF EVERY U.S. STATE
http://www.buzzfeed.com/tomphillips/the-stereotype-map-of-every-us-state-according-to-british-pe

7*CARTOON
some stuff milt gross excels at
http://johnkstuff.blogspot.com/2008/08/some-things-milt-gross-excels-at.html

8*PRESCRIPTION
HOW STRESS STARTS UP THE MACHINERY OF MAJOR DEPRESSION
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304734304579517953987157822

9*RUMOR PATROL
FIVE SIMPLE STEPS TO AVOID PUBLISHING FAKE STORIES
http://slate.me/R3W1SA

10* LAGNIAPPE
SOUND OF TREE RINGS PLAYING ON A RECORD PLAYER
http://aattp.org/the-sound-of-tree-rings-playing-on-a-record-player-will-make-your-heart-explode-video/

ALSO SEE:
THE VOICE OF THE TREES
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYLaPVi_I2U

11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
I SAW THE MUSICAL LEGEND
I saw the musical legend. Well, me, and about 60,000 other people.
Still, that makes me special–in fact, it makes me something of a
legend myself. Consider yourself privileged to have read this anecdote
from me, the man who saw…the musical legend!

CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
742. CODE-SWITCHING
Lower class workplaces are like high school (tribal, waspish,
gossipy), middle class workplaces are like college (clannish,
exclusionary, frivolous), and professional workplaces are like grad
school (clubby, over-intellectualizing, and serious to the point of
solemnity). Any discerning individual must code-switch according to which group
they are interacting with.

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