THE INFORMATION #779 APRIL 11, 2014

THE INFORMATION
#779 APRIL 11, 2014
Copyright 2014 FRANCIS DIMENNO
http://dimenno.gather.com
francisdimenno@yahoo.com
https://dimenno.wordpress.com WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART FIVE: THE MAYOR OF HELL
Doc Ketman was setting in the Seven Stars Tavern with young Cadger Tandy even though both were fast becoming unwelcome. The very sight of the Doc hurt the eyes of Tipsy Smith because Doc never bought nothing save only a short draft from time to time, and Cadger Tandy raised eyebrows every time he set foot in the place because he was only twelve years old and the bad-tempered whore who was his guardian, Red Mary, would of thrown somersaults had she heard he was hanging about the low dive. Doc was filling Cadger Tandy’s ear with accounts of some of the local color, as part of his extracurricular learning which was considerably more entertaining than readin’, writin’, and ciphering to the rule of three.

You ever see the likes of Jimmy. You know–Jimmy the Ragmop. Jimmy Ragmop, said Ketman. If not, then ye never will. There’s a Lot of Things You Never Learn at School.You know him–the ginger-haired Polack layabout–Tipsy Smith keeps him on out of the goodness of his heart as a sort of Bar Boy–bearded wretch–looks like the devil himself–likes to sing as he works–the big boys invited him to their shindies to provide a song or two–he’d always forget the lyrics–In the Good Old Summertime–what was so good about it I wonder–especially when you sing the same verse over and over–In the Sweet Bye and Bye–he sung it in a low baritone which was anything but sweet–Beautiful Bird Sing On–O Beautiful Bird Please Don’t–My Old Kentucky Home–and why don’t ye go back there, by God–Always in the Way–truer words were never spoken. The Jack Tar March–well, march it right on out of here, me Bucko. Jesus, I will arise.

He’d sing at the drop of a sparrow. You’re As Welcome as the Flowers in May. But faith, an you’re not. I’m Thinkin’ of You All De While. Please–don’t.  It’s a Lovely Day for a Walk. Then walk on out of here. And Jesus, do thou accompany me. 

Ah, me! To each his own. The violin don’t play for everybody–In the City of Sighs and Tears. One man likes playing violin, and the other likes it when his feet are smelly.  Jesus, do thou lock my heart into thine.

They called him “The Voice”. Suffering clarity! He was a cheery idiot. Lapped up his beer like a thirsty pig–would squeal and snort while drinkin’ down his bellywash–God Bless him, I suppose–His happiness is between the lips and the rim of a glass–The Beer That Made Milwaukee Famous–would demolish the free lunch–didn’t care that there was enough salt in there to float Remember The Maine–nobody knowed his real name and nobody cared. Any more than a pig can see the sky. It was allus Jimmy Ragmop. Or “Id” –for Idiot. Sometimes he would pose in front of another man behind the curtain who was doing the actual singing and would clown around as though the sounds was coming from his mouth. His own voice wasn’t bad. A middling tenor, if only it was trained. Jesus, let my body and my soul be commended unto thee.
You cannae fault him for not being friendly. Maybe because he was always slightly lit. He didn’t have a truly evil thought in him, from the looks of him. His eyeborows was allus lifted in surprise. What one thinks when sober, one says when drunk. Far as I can tell, he was always talking about the weather. that was is favorite gambit. Brr! Cold! He’d say. then he’d set back as though he was spinning one of them phony-graph cylinders and would listen as his correspondent would wax on about how they was sick of the winter and all this snow and thank God for Spring and what does it take to get a drink around here and Jimmy Ragmop would hustle himself behind the bar and say I can pull you some suds and the Mark would say how about some of that top shelf stuffy-wuffy and Jimmy Ragmop would get all secret-looking and whisper out of earshot of Tipsy Smith, “Confidentially, friend, it’s all the same.” No wonder Tipsy the barkeep blamed Jimmy Ragmop whenever anything went wrong in the place!  Innocence itself sometimes has need of a mask.  And so every now and again Jimmy Ragmop would say something that would indicate he wasn’t merely a simple dunce.The Lord is crucified.
There was a rival establishment across the street, The “8” Ball Cafe, which was built on the former site of the Della-X Underground Nitro Factory and Gravel Pit, and from time to time Jimmy Ragmop would say “We ought to get some of that leftover soup and blow that joint to smithereens,” or “We ought to blast that place to Kingdom Come,” or “We ought to burn that greasy spoon right down to the ground.” You couldn’t fault him for his loyalty. Nowadays you must go to heaven to meet an angel. May God guard my senses that evil spirits may not overcome me.
He was a zany, a floppy Kid; a beer slob who would walk around with his lips around the entire mouth of the glass mug; a sentimental Albatross, he was, as had a huge mash on every Dame that worked for Red Mary but who never had the pelf to sidle up to one of them for a night of joy. Anyways, he was right afreerd of Smash Conklin, and with good reason. Old Uglyface couldn’t even be troubled to call him by his first name whenever he visited the bar. I dinna ken why Uglyface took such a violent dislike to Jimmy, but it was so.
“Ragmop,” says Conklin as he strode in one day. “You’re as ugly as ever.”
“Can I get something for you, Sir? On this hot day.”
“You can get ye gone. I don’t like the looks of ye.”
And Jimmy confronted him, mildly, as was his way. He was a good soul at heart, spite of his more violent instincts.
“Why you no be my friend, Mistah Smash?”
That mild remark got old Uglyface into a furious uproar.

“Ragmop, you are a twisty-mouth, red faced, red-bearded rascal with about as much sense as God gave a goose. You are a flea in my ear! Look at you! You are a miserable, satchel-mouthed rascal with the devil’s own green eyes! Your mouth is twisted up into a crooked smile but I bet you would be willing to kill all of us in our sleep–smother us in gas, maybe, or croak us with some poison Redeye. You are a fountain of sin, you red demon! You’re a half-bred, half-dead, half-human, half-wit!” 

And Jimmy Ragmop, in a supreme sign that suffering Christ still walks amongst us on the earth, had only one thing to say to the brawling rumbustious Bully: “I’m sorry,” he said, “that you feel that way. I always admired you.”

What could Conklin say to that? He turned on his heel and stalked out of the joint, while muttering something about a charmed life and next time I’ll trim his sails, I will. A soft answer turneth away wrath, as the Good Book says, but I knew Conklin, and I knew that he was not so easily appeased. I also knew that Jimmy Ragmop had a dark side, and it interested me to speculate what would become of him if he set to feuding after Conklin with a vengeance. In the name of God the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen.

1*SALUTATION

BLOOD ON THE SADDLE

I WISH I WAS A SINGLE GIRL AGAIN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwDD8HBIzHw
2*REFERENCE
3*HUMOR
ALSO SEE:
4*NOVELTY
5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
7*CARTOON
ALSO SEE:
8*PRESCRIPTION
9*RUMOR PATROL
WHICH DEWEY DECIMAL CATEGORY ARE YOU?
http://content.easybib.com/which-dewey-decimal-category-are-you/#.Uzr4sPldWD8 ALSO SEE:
POLICE ARREST NAKED MAN WHO WAS RIDING TRICYCLE WHILE HIGH ON COCAINE
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/naked-man-on-tricycle-675432

10* LAGNIAPPE

STUFF SMITH
11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
JERRY LEWIS IS STILL AN ASSHOLE
I saw Jerry signing his book in Cambridge Mass. circa 1982. I wish I had shouted out my questions about his percodan addiction and The Day the Clown Cried, but he had several goons there who would no doubt have hustled me out of there. He insulted one pathetic little old man who wanted to have his picture taken with Jerry: “Where did you get your clothes? At the Salvation Army?” And practically reduced him to tears. This compassionate humanitarian!
http://www.vice.com/read/jerry-lewis-is-still-alive

*11A BOOKS READ AND REVIEWED

AMONG SCHOOLCHILDREN. KIDDER. ****
APRIL 1865. WINIK. ****

AVENGERS: ENDLESS WARTIME. ***1/2

AVENGERS ACADEMY 3. **1/2

BAD FOR YOU. PYLE & CUNNINGHAM. ***

BLOOD WILL OUT. KIRN. ***1/2

CAN’T BUY ME LOVE. GOULD. ****
GOTHAM CENTRAL 4. CORRIGAN. ****
HERE’S MORGAN! MORGAN. **1/2
IMPERFECT THIRST. KINNELL. ****
ISAAC’S STORM. LARSON. ****
JSA ALL-STARS 1. CONSTELLATIONS. ***
THE SIMON & KIRBY LIBRARY: HORROR. ***
SUICIDE SQUAD 1. ****
THE TWELVE. 1. STRACZYNSKI. ***1/2
UNKNOWN SOLDIER 3. DRY SEASON. ***1/2
WITH MALICE TOWARD NONE. GATES. ****
WITHOUT MERCY. BEASLEY. ****
WOLVERINE MAX: VEGAS. ***
CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
737. ARMOUR BRAND VIENNA SAUSAGES
In July 1987 a Florida woman was arrested for feeding her two children a can of Vienna sausage on a Miami commuter tram. The sausage company sent her $125 to pay the fine. http://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1368&dat=19881202&id=mqNRAAAAIBAJ&sjid=nhIEAAAAIBAJ&pg=1540%2C320032
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