I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh
try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere
behind the morning.–J. B. Priestley
WHEN THIS WORLD CATCHES FIRE
BOOK THREE: SAVAGE NOXTOWN
CHAPTER NINE: PART THREE: THE MAYOR OF HELL
“I call down my blessings on Adam O’Day,” said Peter Ketman to Cadger
Tandy. “I know that my Redeemer liveth, and that he will call me from
the grave. Because Sonny Boy O’Day might someday serve us as a useful factotum. A Cat’s Paw. Yob, ye do ken what a Cat’s Paw is, do ye nae? A monkey
wanted to pull some chestnuts from the fire but they was too hot and
so he used the paw of a cat to grub them up. This is the kind of story
that leaves more questions than answers, I allus thought. What kind of
Yellof would leave a cat and a monkey in a room alone, unsupervised? A
room with a blazing fire, at that. That cat, once burned, wouldn’t
fall for that trick twice. And sure and the Monk, once scratched in
the dial face by the cat’s sharp diggers, wouldn’t try that kind of
cute stunt more than once. me fine Laddie Buck. Power, hero, Prince of
Peace, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Beneath thy guardianship I am safe against
all tempests and all enemies. Shock dough shay true gee in niche nigh
“Speaking of Paws, there was Adam O’Day’s Paw. ‘Count’ O’Day. I call
down my blessings on him. I know that my Redeemer liveth, and that he
will call me from the grave. They called him ‘Count No Count.’ He was
the damndest scamp! A bald rascal! Shapen like unto a pear with his
fat droopy alderman. Always bragging about his big estate in Ireland, and
him a beggar dependent on beggerly barroom loafers for what few
friendly drinks would come his way. O could he talk a game! A
miserable sinner. he always guv me the scunner, but he would be just
as friendly a talker as could be, if only there was a drink to be had from it. You ever see a man who was actually penniless? Let me build you a picture. He had a
toothless mouth as looked like a set of railroad tracks with lips
split from being forever malnourished. He sometimes wore a red fez hat
with a frayed tassel. Now, Tipsy Smith kept a Free Lunch
as the bar–the food was heavy on the salt–pickled herring and the
like–but the toothless rogue could chaw nought. Tipsy Smith felt
sorry for him, and let him drink the leftover drinks as always got
poured in a metal bucket–more like a trough–as the evening waxed and
waned. Power, hero, Prince of Peace, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Shock dough
shay true gee in niche nigh on Sam!”
The one thing the old sinner was good for was to keep up a reel of
parumphing and a line of harumphing patter–the purest piffle–mere
bosh–with some learned tags he’d picked up from Lordie knows
where–all about “I would an I could” and “if it were to be done when
’tis done.” The old man would stand there on any given night and let
loose with a series of declarations as would cause a riot in any less
torporous establishment. Power, hero, Prince of Peace, Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus. Beneath thy guardianship I am safe against all tempests and all
enemies. Shock dough shay true gee in niche nigh on Sam!”
Count O’Day fancied himself a bit of a storyteller, but like a good
many Irishmen, he was just a sodden drunk who liked to mumble nonsense
in the presence of other drunks as was too rum dumb to know or care.
Here was a sample of some of his palaver:
“Ye may not know it to look at me but let me tell you duffers and
dingbats a little story. I knowed Big Nose Kate, Yass, when both she and
Doc conspired to rob the Arizona stage. And I learned: as the poet
says, never trust a Gila Monster in brave pursuit of honorable deed,
They’re not human. Humph! They’re not even animals! Fierce wars and
sacred loves! Serpents rising out of the ground! You Can Have
Broadway. Have you ever been to St. Petersburg? I know for a fact that the
hotel service in St. Pete is lousy. Johnny the Garcon was a
coldhearted bastard but also just a bit back’ard. As the poet says,
judge ill of love that know not love. Lights in the sky. But ye ought
to see the Hermitage, Yob, if only to admire the splendors of the
rooms. Where late his treasure he entombed had. Since God was a pup. I
was a consultant in their renovation, incidentally. Pumph. Nothing
ain’t like what it was. Let Bygones Be Bygones And Let Us Be
Sweethearts Again. The wise man knows himself to be a fool. Back in
1880–not so long ago–I cried when Sherman said he wouldn’t run–they
still WOULD wave that bloody shirt–still had most of my
choppers then–they should of hung Jeff Davis from a sour apple
tree–Grant was a booby–that Stanford White, he got what he deserved. Love all, trust a few, do wrong to one. As the poet says. ‘Trial of the Century’ my ass!
Pumph. If Anybody Wants To Meet A Jonah Shake Hands With Me.”
Couldn’t no one hardly make sense of half of what he was raving about.
It was like reading a book by a man with only the most slender grasp
of how to tell a story. Another sample of his palaver:
“I knowed Harry Thaw. An arriviste of old. Would steal the silver from
a dead man’s eyes. Elbert Hubbard–what a charlatan. Message to Garcia
my ass! Know what Garcia said? No speaka dee English. That’s what HE
done said. Listen, I’m no tom-fool. I married my first wife when I was
25. But she got me in dutch with the Big Man, and look at me now.”
A short digression. The incident in question occurred when O’Day’s
first (and only) “wife” (it was a common-law relationship; she was a
prostitute) accused Cokey Stolas of “mauling” her, and even threatened
to “go to law”–until one day she mysteriously “disappeared.” When
asked about her, he would grow furious.
“Why would The Big Gee trifle with a doxy like her? And is there care
in heaven? Ha-RUMPH! As the poet says, envy rode upon a ravenous wolf,
and hungry Wolves continually did howl at her abhorred face so filthy
and so foul.”
Then Count No Count would wax all sentimental, like.
“Humph! I say–all you loafers! The Bee That Gets The Honey Doesn’t Hang Around The Hive. Would you set up a drink for your storyteller? Pumph.
I have here a tale which will break your heart. It seems as though
once upon a time there was a couple who lived in the woods–Humph! the
forest primeval, don’t you know–and they had a baby–more like a wolf–I mean
their dog, it was their dog who was more like a wolf–and there were
wolves a-plenty in those parts–they lived in the forest back in olden
times–they was Jewish folks I think maybe, or maybe not, maybe they
were Hungarians–Igen–Hunkies are just like people, only more
so–Humph! so I guess it was in the woods of Hungary–what did they
do there? How should I know? I’m betting they went hungry.
That’s my guess. Well, the old man was a woodcutter.
Name of Poor John. O, The Load That Father Carried. Or so the story
goes. The wife was a woodcutter’s wife. She was a jade.”
Big roar from the barroom loafers.
“But none of that’s important. Waltz Me Around Again Willie! Will you
let me tell the STORY? By the way, there’s a place over by old Cathay where they
have jade statues of the Buddha the size of a three-story building.
Pumph. You could take a snot-sized piece from the beggar’s nose and be
a rich man for the rest of your borned days. Of course, the natives
are restless. Oh, and I would of done it too, but there was a temple
guard, and a nasty bugger he looked to be, grim as a knight in armor,
and dressed in an orange robe to color of a shriveled-up satsuma. Big
rings in his ears and for all I know he had a bone through his nose.
Is someone buyin’ a drink? Thank’ee, Sar. Had his arms folded crost
his chest like he would just as soon get you as spit. Big sword
hanging from his hip in a bamboo sheath. And I ups and says to him,
Won’t You Come Over To My House? Do ye think I can make these
things up? I says to him, Let Bygones Be Bygones And Let Us
Be Sweethearts Again. This ain’t no dream; I ain’t been hittin’ the
pipe, though I wouldn’t be back’ard none if one of yuh was to offer. Pumph. So this
woodcutter goes out one day and leaves the baby alone. Captain Baby
Bunting Of The Rocking Horse Brigade. Where’s his wife? Humph!
How in hell should I know? Panning for gold down by
Sutter’s Mill, for all I know. Hanging out with Calamity Jane in
Tombstone. Palling around with Hellcat Maggie down t’ the Five Points.
Lassie, Dinna Sigh For Me. Who knows what women do, and why
they do it? Every Day Is Ladies’ Day To Me. It often falls that mortal foes do turn to faithful friends, and friends professed are changed to foemen fell. When a woman takes a mind to cross ye up, there ain’t nobody knows how to do it better.
Ye’d think that if they was smart enough to know how to be boss, they
would do it, and make the men their slaves, and that ain’t so far from
the truth, for what they lack in strength they make up for in wiles. I
Never Saw Such Jealousy In My Life. Humph! The foolish woman left the
baby all alone with the slaverin’ hound and the two of them was in the room
alone together when all of a sudden the lorn sound of a bayin’ dog split
the air of the forest and the woodsman came racing home only to
Boos and hisses from the Barroom Loafers.
“Only, as it turns out, there was a big dogfight, and he shot the dog,
or the wolf, I guess, on one pretext of other. One dog, or the other,
or maybe both. He Walked Right In Turned Around And Walked Right Out
Again. And then he shot himself, maybe. What do ye mean, what kind of
guns did they even have in Transylvania, back in the olden days? How should
I know? Make yourself useful, Yob, and stand me another drink!
Confabulations make me thirsty! I’ve Said My Last Farewell.”
“Count O’Day had the real storyteller’s need for an audience, but like
I said, his stories made no sense–just sorta trailed off into
nowhere. He warn’t a pleasant feller. Was a holy terror unto his son,
and would just as soon stick a knife in yer back as not if he seed you
looking crosswise at him. And he’d laugh. Still, the enemy of my enemy
is my friend, and I call down my blessings on him. I know that my
Redeemer liveth, and that he will call me from the grave. The filthy
brute. The heavenly and holy trumpet blow every ball and misfortune
away from me. The foul fiend. I seek refuge beneath the tree of life
which bears twelvefold fruits. The bald-headed rogue. I stand behind
the holy altar of the Christian Church. The fat lazy hod-carrier. I
commend myself to the Holy Trinity. The filthy wife-betrayer. I, Adam
Ketman, hide myself beneath the holy corpse of Jesus Christ. The
sneaking knife-man. I commend myself unto the wounds of Jesus Christ.
Mr. Jack Nasty. That the hand of no man might be able to seize me.
He’d grind his dukes right in your glims. Or to bind me. Bad man with
a pig sticker, too. Or to cut me. Proud Border Irish rogue. Or to throw me. He’ll leave ye a mouthful of broken choppers if ye dishonor him. Or to beat me. And he
would sell his own mother for a drink, that much is true. Or to
overcome me in any way whatever, so help me. Shock dough shay true gee
in niche nigh on Sam!”
JAN & DEAN
JAN & ARNIE
JAN & DEAN’S GOLDEN HITS VOLUME 3
IMPENDING COLLAPSE OF INDUSTRIAL CIVILIZATION
UNFORTUNATE PUBLISHING LAYOUTS
37 Slogans For College Majors If They Were Actually Honest
8 pronunciation errors that made the English language what it is today
5*AVATAR OF THE ZEITGEIST
WE AREN’T THE WORLD
Americans Are the Weirdest People in the World: Here’s Why
6* DAILY UTILITY
UNITED STEAKS OF AMERICA
NIGHTMARE ALLEY PAGE 53
ILLUSTARTED BY SPAIN
DELAWARE TODDLER DAY CARE FIGHT CLUB
11 THINGS ALL FAILED KICKSTARTER PROJECTS DO WRONG
11* DEVIATIONS FROM THE PREPARED TEXT: A REVIEW OF OTHER MEDIA
THE DARK HISTORY OF GREEN FOOD ON ST. PATRICK’S DAY
CONTROVERSIES IN POPULAR CULTURE.
735. ANYTOWN BUSINESS DIRECTORY (PART TWO)
A Thousand Acres Resort & Sit “n” Bull Ranch
A-1 Detective Agency
Active Coffee Corp.
Adam’s Good Food House
Adam’s Ribs & Bar-B-Que
Al Dente’s Spaghetti House
Alive & Well, Inc.
All Around U Monuments
All Over But the Shouting, Inc.
Alpha Betty, Inc.
Also Ran Rental Cars.
America Love It or Leave It Corp.
American Call & Response, Inc.
American Excess, Unlimited
American Fascination Corp.
American Fat Cat Inc.
American Wound Mutual
Amusing Playthings Are We
Animal Farm Cat & Rat Ranch
Annexation & Secession, Ltd.
Anytown Lower Falls Hardware-Keys Made
Anytown Lower Falls Kitchen Supply
Anytown Lower Falls Stoves & Refrigerators
Apolitical Barber Shop
Arcadia Police & Military Supplies
Arcadia Surveillance & Security
Armed Goons, Inc.
Astamagootis Car Dealers
“Auntie” Septic Plumbing
Authentic Five and Dime
B&R Tijuana Cuisine
B9 Carcinogen Corp.
Babylon Amusement Park
Bakehead’s Gas Station
Bark ‘n’ Purr Pet Grooming
Basic Four Food Groups
Battlefield Babysitting Service
Battlefield Child Care Center
Beer “n” Skittles
Beergarden & Wineshop, Attorneys-at-Law
Best Minds of Our Generation, Ltd.
Big Deals, Inc.
Big Plans, Ltd.
Big Town Accountants
Big Town Asphalt
Big Town Baby Furniture
Big Town Builders & Wreckers
Big Town Cab
Big Town Driving Instruction
Big Town Sperm Bank
Bonanza Big Boy and Fat Man Shop
Box-Mao Corrugated Cardboard Products
Boys Will Be Boys Co.
Brain Implants, Inc.
Brains R Us Consulting
Brand Plaza Air Conditioning
Brand Plaza Formal Wear
Brand Plaza Laundrodome
Brand Plaza Rug & Carpet
Brand Plaza T-Shirts & Tie-Dye
Brand Plaza Uniform
Bridge of Sighs Funeral Home
Bubble Reputation Publicity
Candles & Sandals
Candy Cake and Ice Cream, Inc.
Cannery Marble & Granite
Card’s Department Store
Central Depot Bricklayers
Central Depot Copy & Mimeo
Central Depot Cosmetics
Central Depot Craft and Hobby Supplies
Central Depot Labs
Champagne Eyes Beauty Products
Cheapwine Import Co.
Chow Down Imports
Chrono-Synclastic Infundibulum Investment Group
Chu Chulain Enterprises
Civilian Conversation Camp
Cliched Verses Greeting Card Corp.
Clumsy Lumberman Inc.
Co-Existence Bagel Shop
Coffee Coffin Copy Co.
Coffee Pot Building
Compulsive Optimism, Corp.
Consumer Fools International
Corporate Propriety Investigative Services
Cottage Industries International
Crazy Joe’s Tap
Cretin Greeting Company
Crooked Cigar Co.
Cross Country Alarms
Cross Country Charters
Cross Country Fur
Cross Country Party Supplies
Cursed Earth Products
Curveefemale Holding Company
Demonsthenes Gas and Electric
Derry Derry & Down, Inc.
Designed Casket Company
Destructive Lifestyles Counseling Agency
Diamond in the Rough Associates
Dicipline Spray Company
Dirtie Mutual Inc.
Dirty Rotten Shame, Attorneys at law
Disaster Fire & Casualty
“Dishonest” John’s New & Used Cars
Dna Hill Liquor
Doggie in the Window Purchase Agency
Donderbeck’s Butcher Shop
Dr. Bowdark, M.D.
Dr. Crocus, M.D.
Dr. Stickenstone, Chiropodist
E.Z. Wolf Loans
Eastern Status Corp.
Eden Prairie Feed Supply
Eden Prairie Home Heating
Eden Prairie Lawn & Landscaping
Eden Prairie Tow
Eden Prairie Trailers
Eh Bien French Caterers
Eight Miles High, Ltd.
Einstein Place, Where the Smart People Live
Electric Ladyland Amusement Arcade
Elfin Wang Enterprises
Elvis Presley Costumes and Accessories
Engineered Consent Company
Engle’s Ice Cream
Enough Rope Company
Everything Electrical Electrical Appliance Repair Shop
Extended Metaphor Productions
Eye of Amogotto Occult Book Store
Eyestone’s Drug Store
False Alarms, Inc.
Farmer-Indell Investment Corp.
Fashion Land Colostomy, Urotomy & Neostomy Supplies
Favorable Business Climate Co.
Feist’s Cigar Store
Fiddle Funeral Parlor
Fifth Column Activities Company
Fire Is Coming Casualty and Life
Flattery, Flummery & Frippery, Attorneys-at-Law
Fly By Nite Travel Agency
Foreign Refugees Temp.Co.
Fortune & Menzies, Inc.
Forward Progress Group
Frank & Forthwright Co.
Freude, Schoener, Gotterfunken Attorneys-at-Law
Friends of the Family Entertainment Co.
Fruits & Vegetables
Fun N Games Amusement Arcade
Gabble Bar & Grille
Gainworld Losesoul Co.
Gateway to the West Hardware Store
Gaudeamus Igitur Inc.
Gaudy Baubles Jewelry Manufacturers
George Donner’s The Great Outdoors Store
Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread Bakers
Gleason’s Corner Bar & Grill
Gleason’s Corner Passport Photo
Gleason’s Corner Towel
Glorious Eagle Recreational Vehicles
Gobble n Go
God Don’t Make Trash, Inc.
Gold Diggers Group
Golden Rain Foundation of Leisure Hills
Gratuitous Novelties Inc.
Great American Eastern Central Pacific Investments
Great Financial Center Inc.
Great National Disaster Re
Great Northern Accusative Corp.
Grief & Lamentation Worldwide
Hal Jordan’s Toy Store & Hobby Shop
Hard Workers Temp Agency
Heap Guns & Ammo
Heart Dog Have Spayed Inc.
Heigh, Muckety & Muck, Attorneys-at-Law
Herkimer Jerkimer’s Eat Shoppe
Hi-Fi Tweeter’s Pizzaria
High Street Wire
Hinterland Travel Service
Hold On To Your Dream Co.
Homerdrome Sports Arena
Honest Injun Co.
How Exciting, Inc.
Human Nature Corp.
Hunger Hurts Inc.
Hussey’s Ladies Wear
I & I Chemicals and Pharmaceuticals
I Am A Man Enterprises
I Am Now Home
I An Reliable Inc.
I’m In Love Co.
Ill Toil Facilities Admin.
Inevitable Casualty and Surety
International Feel Pharmaceuticals
International Poltroons, Inc.
It’s Free Corp.
It’s Only Money Co.
Izzy & Moe’s Gin Mill
J. Crow, Realtor
Jiver Home Mortgages
Jivetown Jokes & Novelties
Jivetown Manicure & Pedicure
Jivetown Martial Arts
Jivetown Wash & Dry
Johnnie Bizarros Auto Parts and Supplies
Judeoxian Ethic Co.
King’s Plaza Camera and Photo
King’s Plaza Music
Kingshorse Kingsman Inc.
Knob Hill Athenaeum
Knob Hill Film
Knob Hill Golf Club
Knob Hill Nursing Associates
Knob Hill Observatory
Knob Hill Reiki
Knob Hill Solar
Knob Hill Tea
Know All Corp.
Ky-Wah’s Jewelry Store
Land of 1000 Dames Girlie and Burlesk
Land of a Thousand Dances
Leaning Tower of Pizza
Leatherroot’s Barber Shop
Lenny & George Travel Agency
Let Er Ring Printers
Life in These United States Co.
Lights Out Inc.
Liquid Gas Consolidated
Liquid Gold Corp.
Lister Dental Associates
Live and Let Litho
Loose Lips Salvage Co.
Love A Rich Man, Inc.
Love or Money Enterprises
Love Train Trainsportation
Luetgert’s Gourmet Foods
Mad River Pharmaceuticals
Magnificent Obsession Ltd.
Majestic Pest Control
Manes R Us Hair Parlor
Manual Labor Corp.
Master Builders, Inc.
Material Comfort Industries
Material Giant, Inc.
Mauger’s Variety Store
Mayfair-in-The Grove Chimney
Mayfair-in-The Grove Health Spa & Figure Salon
Mayfair-in-The Grove Tours
Mayfair-in-The Grove Video Rental
Mayfair-in-The Grove Yoga
Meaningless Pest Control
Melvin Mole’s Comic Books and Collectibles
Merrimekko Tablecloth Corp.
Metaphor, Simile, Metonymy & Synechtode, Inc.
Mid-Continent Bathroom Supplies
Midnite Munchies 24 Hour Store
Mighty ocean Shipping & Hauling
Mini Midi Micro Fashions
Mini Mutt Inc.
Money Talks Coins & Stamps
Moot Point Enterprises
Mountaineer Cigar & Humidor
Movers & Wreckers
Mr. Fish Man
Mr. Fixit’s Auro Repair
National Giant, Inc.
National Jockey Boys Benevolent Fraternal Society
Natural Predators, Inc.
Nebbynose Telephone Company
New Ideas Industries
New River Trains
New Wrinkle Beauty Parlor
No Count Corp.
No TV Encounter Group
Northland Blood Bank
Northland Snow Blowers & Snowmobiles
Norwegian Frieght Co.
Nothing To Lose Lotteries
Novelty Costume Shop, Gorilla Suits Our Specialty
Number’s Drug Store
Oak Hill Nursing Home
Old Edwardian Exiles
Old MacDonald Pharmaceuticals
Old Pros Corp.
Olde Mystick Village Computers
Olde Mystick Village Elevator
Olde Mystick Village Medical & Nursing Supply
Olde Mystick Village Tubing
Oldhook Mattresses and Bedding
Oldtown Watch Repair
Open My Eyes, Co.
Oranges and Apples
Own Your Own Home Building and Loan
Pa Kent’s General Store
Pacific Weather Co.
Packer-Lise Attorneys at Law
Paid for Loafing Corp.
Paper Tiger Manufacturing Co.
Parliament of Fowles, Ltd.
Penny For Your Thoughts Co.
Philadelphia Freedom, Inc.
Philboyd Studge Products
Picacho’s Dollar Store
Pig ‘n’ Patio
Piggen’s Rib Joint
Pith, Brevity, Terse, Sullivan & Laconic, Attorneys-at-Law
Pitiful Helpless Giant Ltd.
Plot to Put Communism In Our Schools Defense League
Poison Cookie Chop & Broken Pie Bakery
Poky Little Puppy Enterprises
Posh Gambling Den
Pre Pro Co.
Pro & Con Corp.
Promises Promises DBA More Promises
Puritan Shame Corp.
Pursuit of Happiness Haberdashery
Queen’s Center Sewer and Sewage
Question of Balance, Ltd.
Quid Pro Co.
Racke & Ruin Re
Radlib Conspiracy Group
Rage Warehouse Ire Proof
Railroad, Creek, Rock & Hardplace, Attorneys-at-Law
Rainbow All-Natural Health Foods
Rainbow Elder Care
Rainbow Palmistry, Astrology & Fortunes
Rainbow Talent Brokers
Random Violence Marketing & Research
Rather’s 24 Hour Veterinary Clinic
Raw Youth Movement Rally Enterprises, Inc.
Reach For A Star Talent Agency
Real Men, Inc.
Red & Grey, Notary Public
Red Carpet Lounge
Rollerball Skate Rental
Rough & Tumble, Inc.
Rudolph Rassendale’s Lumber Yard & Saw Mill
Samizdat 24-Hour Dry Clean
Sandadder & Son, Oculist
Scoff & Gripe, Attorneys-at-Law
Seeya Later Alligator Rent-To-Own
Serves You Right Corp.
Set the World On Fire Planning Group
Sgt. Pepperoni’s Pizza
Shanty Street Gas
Shave and A Haircut Barber Shop
Shynie, Serge, Bluesuit & Ty, Attorneys at Law
Silver Apples of the Moon Manufacturing Company
Smart-Dumm Real Estate
Smug Harbor Boats
Smug Harbor Diesel
Smug Harbor Fish
Smug Harbor Marine Supply
Smug Harbor Scrap & Salvage
Smug Harbor Skindiving
So Help Me, Ltd.
Socialist Advertising Agency
Socialist Threat, Inc.
Softly Wispering I Love You Elms Development Corp.
Solid Food Co.
South Street Seaport Bait & Tackle
Southside Plate, Window & Automotive Glass
Spice of Life Indian Cuisine
Spiritual Satisfaction, Unltd.
Squeaky Wheel Grease Company
State of Health Industries
Strom & Brainstorm Advertising Agency
Subjunctive Preservation Building and Loan
Super Dream Pill Inc.
Supreme Being Enterprises
Suspicious Minds Merchandising Ltd.
Tabby Employment Agency
Taste O’ Honey
Thank You Products
That’s Different, Corp.
The Anschluss Corporation
The Bartleby Group
The Beach Ball Club
The Big Store
The Commodore Nutt Lounge
The Communist Block Accessories and Fashions
The Daily Chronicker
The DBA Corp.
The Eight Ball Café
The Fashion Plate
The Firefly Tavern
The General Tom Thumb Hotel
The Golden Horn
The Good Old Days, Unlimited
The Invalid Company
The Jumping-Off Place
The Madison Club
The Mercantile Building
The National Probity Group
The Nazarene Group
The Old School Tie Association
The Old Temperance Hotel
The Order of Literary Patriotic Harmonious Fists
The Plunder Group
The Pompous Group
The Pop Shop
The Potlatch Group
The Property Theft Group
The Restful Café
The Snak Shak
The South Will Rise Again, Inc.
The Sports Haven
The Stonewall Company
The Worlds Best Gifts
The Worryline Corp.
Thirsty Giant Promotions
Thousand Shadows Co.
Time Is A Miser Investments
Tomaka Hoar Receipts, Ltd.
Toomuch, Beer & Wein Enterprises
Torpedo Sub Shop
Touch ‘n’ Go Corporation
Transport Connections Unlimited
Treasure Island Antiques
Treasure Island Designers
Treasure Island News
Tremendous Opportunities Inc.
Twelve Keys to the Kingdom Religious Supplies
Uncle Elby’s General Store
Uncle William’s Useless Things
Undeclared Candidate Consulting
Underlying Catastrophe Savings and Loan
Underwater Moonlight Corporation
United Pathogens DBA Prosperity Health Farms
Unknown Fidelity, Co.
Urbandale Harbor Pools & Pumps
Usher’s Spring and Fall Fashions
Water Water Everywhere Home Repairs
Way of the World International
We All Fall Down Co.
We Sell Soul, Inc.
We’ll See Investments
Wedded Bliss Bridal Shop
Welkin’s Floral Shop
What Profiteth It A Man, Inc.
Whether Or Not Co.
White Colored Inc.
Wise Guys Travel Agency
Wishing Tree Industries
Workaday World Enterprises
World Without End Amen, Inc.
WOW Dry Cleaner and Cold Storage
Wretched Excess, Inc.
Xaroshie’s Beauty Parlor
Xavier Tree Removal
Yarrowstalk Funeral Home
Yawl’s Pet Store
Young Man Enterprises
Young Men’s Club
Zanjero’s Trucks and Hauling
Zomack’s Five Cent Cigar Store